# Another myth shattered, this time about premarital sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 28, 2008, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928 "2008-10-28T12:50:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/41 "2008-10-29T01:55:50Z")
B-but, there was a war on! And he was shipping out and they might never have seen each other again. And who cared, since the Bomb could wipe us all out at any minute. And we were engaged. And there was a bottle of tequilla and a lot of beer. I don’t remember much else. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/42 "2008-10-29T02:30:27Z")
Based on reading/reading about 18th-19th century literature, it seems premarital sex was more common during this time than many people might think. It doesn’t seem to have been considered especially shocking for an engaged but not yet legally married couple to have sex. Out of wedlock births were considered shameful, especially for girls from “good” families, but such things certainly did happen. > [@lavenderviolet](#): > > You’d have to separate those kinds of scenarios out for this to be really much of a statement on anything, in my view. I think most people who express concern about premarital sex really mean they are concerned with young people being promiscuous and irresponsible, not so much about making sure all single 44 year olds are virgins. 😛 Really? It’s been my impression that most people who are concerned about premarital sex have religious reasons for doing so. I’ve heard people concerned about STDs talk about _monogamy_, but not marriage. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/43 "2008-10-29T02:59:34Z")
> [@](#): > > … among women who were born in the 1940s, nearly nine in 10 had sex before marriage … Women born in the 1940s were in their twenties in the 1960s. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/44 "2008-10-29T03:50:50Z")
On the plus side I do know for a fact that my mom was a virgin on her wedding night. On the minus side, in order to find this out I had to hear about the hysterical vaginismus that prevented my parents from consummating their marriage until three months after the wedding. I probably could have gone without knowing that, although it’s one of the few nice things I know about my dad, that he was actually patient enough to wait for her to chill out and be okay with sex. By the time she got together with my step dad, she was a total hosebeast. My daughter was horrified when I told her, when she was a teenager, never to have sex with any guy who wouldn’t go down on her–but later on she told me she wished she’d listened… ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/45 "2008-10-29T04:20:11Z")
My only thing to add is my longtime college girlfriend was/is a VERY catholic good girl. Never minded doing some fun stuff sexually but refused to have sex until she was married. I never had sex before dating her either, and I wanted to have sex with her (after dating for 2+ years…I’m pretty good myself) but she still refused until we were married. Fast forward another year and a half after that and she breaks up with me (very depressing time in my life, still living thru it actually), and (in idle conversation) she told me that waiting till marriage was never absolute but, she stuck with it so much when we were dating cuz she assumed it would be with me. It always annoyed me that we wern’t having sex, but I loved her more than anything and she was worth more to me than that. Now upon remembering that conversation I feel cheated over waiting so long to have sex for the first time (all through college!) and now I can’t even have it with her. (I think this post made more sense with the topic while I was thinking about writing it, but I think now I just needed to vent some pent up frustrations over having my heart broken so badly…sorry everyone) ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/46 "2008-10-29T07:07:55Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > From what my mom says, she wanted to have premarital sex but my dad didn’t. Furthermore, when she emerged from the bathroom in her peignoir on their wedding night, my dad commented “what the hell is that?” and continued watching a really extended baseball game on TV. I’m sure that’s not at all related to his lifelong love of home decor magazines and more recent obsession with Ikea. > > I’m lucky to have been born. Your father is lucky he lived through his wedding night. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/47 "2008-10-29T10:33:40Z")
My Grandma always said “The first ones always seem to come early, but the second always seems to take the full 9 months.” Then again, when Grandpa died, I gave my Grandma a bag full of condoms I had picked up at Planned Parenthood. (Hey, can you stock me up? My Grannie just got widowed and she go a wanderin’) My daughter was conceived on New Years Eve, I worked a 12 hour shift, went home and got knocked up. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/48 "2008-10-29T11:25:52Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > My Grandma always said “The first ones always seem to come early, but the second always seems to take the full 9 months.” My dad used to say, “The first one can come at any time.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/49 "2008-10-29T11:55:56Z")
My grandmother’s take on premarital sex: “well, being a seamstress(1), I had my share of suitors, and of course the other girls, well, the majority of them they did take what was offered if you know what I mean, and being a blonde and with _these_ (DDs) I got my share of what would have been good offers, financially speaking. But I was happy with what I made and I didn’t mean to depend on no man, and most of those guys totally squicked me out. So I didn’t have any interest in sex until I was 21, and then I met your grandfather. And I figured out that he wouldn’t marry me unless I held out, so I did. But let me tell you, the panties were about the only piece of clothing that stayed in place!” They’ve been married for over 70 years. After he got his prostate taken out (at 86) she complained that he didn’t last as long as he used to. He had a stroke three years ago from which he’s 90% recovered according to the doctor but, uhm, apparently there’s a function which didn’t really recover - only, Mom and Auntie have managed to keep Grandma to bring it up with the doctor. I’m not sure how much of that’s the notion that people in their mid-90s shouldn’t be complaining about erectile disfunction, and how much sheer envy (Mom hasn’t gotten any in 20 years, Auntie is better off but not by much). I’m convinced that the notion of Mary being a virgin “before, during and after” Christ’s birth comes from the mind of someone (well, apparently it was St Jerome specifically) who had some terrible sex hang-ups… (1) think young, well-dressed, with independent finances, coming and going without parents and brothers sitting on her shoulder. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/50 "2008-10-29T13:22:36Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > There are 2 groups of people that never have sex. Your kids and your parents. > > The problem comes from the picturing it. I tend to picture lots of stuff. So if you mention my parents have sex, I picture my 70yr old, over-weight, balding father, naked. There is NO good that comes of picturing that. My mother and father were both real lookers in their prime. I don’t think about them going at it at 70 - I’ve seen old people doing it and it’s as vile as you’d imagine. But my mom was hot when she was young. I don’t picture my parents having sex, but if I did I would use the image of them when they were young. I suppose this doesn’t work for people whose parents were always fat and ugly. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/51 "2008-10-29T17:46:08Z")
To provide another viewpoint - both of my parents were virgins. Seriously. My dad had never been in a relationship before my mother and my mom went on a couple of dates, but nothing serious. I think it explains a lot about their marriage, honestly. On the one hand, I have to admire them for making it work; on the other hand, I think they could’ve been happier with other people. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/52 "2008-10-29T18:05:58Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > My grandmother’s take on premarital sex: "well, being a seamstress(1), I had my share of suitors, and of course the other girls, well, the majority of them they did take what was offered if you know what I mean, and being a blonde and with _these_ (DDs) I got my share of what would have been good offers, financially speaking. > > \ > > (1) think young, well-dressed, with independent finances, coming and going without parents and brothers sitting on her shoulder. Nope, sorry, I’m totally thinking “Guild of Seamstresses” a la Pratchett, after that post.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/53 "2008-10-29T18:19:53Z")
> [@lynxie](#): > > Pffft. My Grandmother was pregnant when she got married in '33. My uncle’s mom was an “early child” in 1911. This is not a new phenomenon. 🙂 My maternal grandmother (born in 1922) had a cousin that lived with them growing up whose mother was unmarried. My father was conceived during WWII, his parents married before he was born, divorced after the war, and my grandmother got remarried to my grandfather…for their first date my grandfather, the incurable romantic, took her to a motel that rented rooms by the hour. He had some “performance issues” and decided this was a sign from God that this girl he needed to marry (he apparently got around a little himself). One of the things I read 20 years ago (so no cite) is that the age of fecundity in women has been dropping - and in the 1930s it wasn’t at all unusual for a girl not to be able to get pregnant until she was seventeen. Combined with early marriage, seven month babies, birth at home, and there is a huge difference between “not doing it” and “not getting caught.” ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/54 "2008-10-29T21:24:17Z")
> [@TroubleAgain](#): > > Nope, sorry, I’m totally thinking “Guild of Seamstresses” a la Pratchett, after that post.😉 Glad it wasn’t just me… ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/55 "2008-10-29T21:39:46Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > My older sister was born five months after my parents’ anniversary. Ah. So your parents waited until five months _after_ getting married to even do it once. Obviously they’re 5 percenters. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/56 "2008-10-29T21:42:32Z")
A friend read his moms diary. Mom was a real conservative lady. But not in bed. His dad’s diary confirmed, she was insatiable. They had both died by then. I am surprised he did not join them in the next world after he was finished reading the acconts. My parents never did it. My lil sis and I were brought by a stork. End of discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/57 "2008-10-29T21:44:19Z")
> [@lynxie](#): > > Pffft. My Grandmother was pregnant when she got married in '33. My uncle’s mom was an “early child” in 1911. This is not a new phenomenon. 🙂 Tell that to all those politicians and public god-botherers who are trying to sell us on the values of the good old days. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/58 "2008-10-30T06:57:18Z")
My parents got married secretly, and didn’t tell their parents for months. (And didn’t live together.) I can’t conceive of why they did this if they were having sex before. However, they were both born before 1920, and don’t count. You don’t want to hear what parents born in the early '50s (like us) do. We invented the sexual revolution, after all. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/59 "2008-10-30T09:16:02Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > One of the things I read 20 years ago (so no cite) is that the age of fecundity in women has been dropping - and in the 1930s it wasn’t at all unusual for a girl not to be able to get pregnant until she was seventeen. Combined with early marriage, seven month babies, birth at home, and there is a huge difference between “not doing it” and “not getting caught.” Yes; \< googles \> [here’s](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/health/childyouth/stories/teens/puberty031699.htm) a mention of that. Since the subject of extramarital sex has also been mentioned, I recall reading years ago about how when the US military started experimenting with blood typing it’s soldiers, they discovered that something like a third were “illegitimate” ( which is only a lower bound, given the limits of blood types for determining parentage ). They covered up the findings at the time; it was considered too scandalous to reveal. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928/60 "2008-10-30T10:25:17Z")
My grandparents **“had”** to get married, this was in 1928. I wonder what sex was like for those born before the 60s, did they do oral, positions other than man on top? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-myth-shattered-this-time-about-premarital-sex/469928.md?page=4)