# Another neighbor question: kids, dog, balls over the fence **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2025, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461 "2025-08-25T17:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/21 "2025-08-25T21:24:44Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > the more people – people who aren’t you, your wife, or your family, and who enter and exit your yard through the gate – the more chance that somebody doesn’t close the gate behind them. Who is this guy who speaks so reasonably? 😃 I really dislike this sort of situation, when I feel my concerns are SO legitimate and reasonable, yet I just KNOW somehow someone is gonna view ME as being the jerk. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/22 "2025-08-25T21:51:34Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > One issue about locking the gate is, we do enjoy being able to go in/out of our yard without hassling with a lock. If the parents are reasonable people (maybe they aren’t) locking the gate shouldn’t be necessary – there should just be an understanding that you don’t want the kids wandering into your yard, and using the dog as a justification is a good tactic. If you have to actually lock the gate to prevent the kids from trespassing all over your property, then you have a “bad neighbour” problem. And I suspect that the problem of balls flying over the fence will likely resolve itself if retrieving the ball becomes sufficiently inconvenient. I’ve had balls and flying toys come into my backyard and usually no one bothers me about it, and I throw the thing back when I notice it. In a previous house a long time ago, I had a second-floor balcony off the bedroom. The house was near a green space where kids liked to play, and one time apparently a soccer ball landed on the balcony. I wasn’t aware of this, or even that kids had been out there playing. All I saw from the downstairs living room was the bottom half of someone (not even clear it was a kid) boosting someone else up to the balcony. So I called 911 and reported what was happening. Within minutes, not just one but two squad cars showed up. When it turned out it was just kids retrieving a ball, I apologized to the police but they said I had done the right thing. I later saw them having a good long talk with the kids who I suspect will likely never do that again. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/23 "2025-08-25T22:16:15Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I really dislike this sort of situation, when I feel my concerns are SO legitimate and reasonable, yet I just KNOW somehow someone is gonna view ME as being the jerk. I’m not sure why you feel that way. So far, no one in the thread has said your concerns aren’t justified, and there’s universal agreement that you are fine to tell them not to retrieve the ball themselves. There are certainly jerkish ways you could communicate that message, but it sounds like you understand that and won’t be a jerk about it. So trust the other family to not be jerks too, and if they prove you wrong, then you still aren’t being a jerk to be more forceful in the messaging. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/24 "2025-08-25T22:19:10Z")
IMO the neighbor parents need to do some more parenting. When I was a kid it would _never_ have even occurred to me to just go into someone else’s yard without asking first. Never. If something went into someone else’s property, you rang the door and asked them to get it. The idea of other people just going through my backyard (of the house I grew up in since I’m in an apt now) is crazy. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/25 "2025-08-25T22:22:05Z")
The kids didn’t do that either. They only entered the yard after 1) the dad asked the OP’s permission, and 2) the dad gave the kids instructions on how to do it. What parenting are you thinking was missing? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/26 "2025-08-25T22:50:57Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > I’m not sure why you feel that way. You sound like someone who has never interacted with neighbors - especially when their kids are involved. (Meant only partly in jest.) ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2025, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/27 "2025-08-25T23:28:53Z")
I’ve lived in urban neighborhoods with small lots for 30 years, with kids of my own and now kids on all sides, and I interact with my neighbors daily. I don’t know what your neighborhood is like, but the only people here considered cranky are the ones who earned it. The general rule all along the block is that people don’t go into neighbors’ yards without permission, and no one is considered cranky for that very reasonable rule. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/28 "2025-08-26T04:24:29Z")
OP, you choose: the awful terrible inconvenience of locking/unlocking the gate or the inconvenience of a liability lawsuit over a kid being dog bitten. I kinda know what I’d do. Winning the neighbor game requires fences and no access gates. Good fences make good neighbors, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/29 "2025-08-26T06:06:27Z")
When we lived in NJ, the convention was no fences, and my kids and the neighbor kids went from yard to yard, no problems. Different when everyone has fences, like the OP. We’re glad we did when we raised guide dogs, since we could let them out into the back yard without worrying. Guide dogs are the exception to the rule that any dog can bite. They’ve been bred for decades to get any aggression out of them. A puppy who has the slightest bit of aggression gets career changed faster than she can wolf down a treat. Locks are good for security kids or no kids, dogs or no dogs. Remember, the Boston Marathon bomber hid in a boat near someone’s backyard. That’s plenty of excuse, and the OP can still let the kids in if convenient. No one’s being obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/30 "2025-08-26T06:21:35Z")
Obnoxious is exactly what he shouldn’t be, of course. That’s how you get the cranky neighbor tag. But you can’t be the screaming man when the neighbor kids left the gate opened or you’ve picked up 12 whiffle balls too many, either. You can’t expect kids not to play. You can’t expect perfect quiet. Kids are gonna do these things. There’s not any _nice_ way to tell the parents to stop the noisy kids or build apparatus to keep balls from going where they shouldn’t. Or purchase an item. Or turn the play around so they’re batting away from you. There’s just no way to express it that someone won’t be perturbed. Instead of doing any screaming or “karenizing” the thing, Just say; straight up, “the gate is locked, I’m afraid my deaf dog will get let out or someone will get accidentally injured or bitten, so no kids in there. If you’ll text, I’ll toss the ball over when it’s convenient for me, Thank you, goodbye” And drop it. Don’t scream, don’t curse, don’t threaten. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/31 "2025-08-26T06:37:53Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > When we lived in NJ, the convention was no fences, and my kids and the neighbor kids went from yard to yard, no problems. Different when everyone has fences, like the OP. That’s true. The idea of having no fences is attractive in its way, and tends to make the backyards more of a communal property. Fences represent a territorial philosophy. Neither is bad or good in itself, they’re just different mentalities. But since people tend to be naturally territorial, fences do tend to be the norm, and tend to be more practical in terms of dogs and different standards of lawn care. And they’re certainly essential when there is a backyard pool, where possibly even two tiers of fences may be needed. I think fences are fine as long as they demarcate backyards, not front ones, and when they exist, the territorial boundaries should be respected, including by kids. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/32 "2025-08-26T13:12:12Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Instead of doing any screaming or “karenizing” the thing, Just say; straight up, “the gate is locked, I’m afraid my deaf dog will get let out or someone will get accidentally injured or bitten, so no kids in there. If you’ll text, I’ll toss the ball over when it’s convenient for me, Thank you, goodbye” Yep. This is the answer. There’s no drama and you’re not blaming them for anything. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/33 "2025-08-26T13:58:24Z")
Locking a backyard fence won’t stop kids from going in there. A sign warning of a dog in the backyard might. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/34 "2025-08-26T15:51:01Z")
I agree that there’s no point in locking the fence. Kids can climb. And they might reasonably assume the fence is locked to avoid accidentally releasing the dog, and not for them. And locking it inconveniences you. I would talk to the neighbors and say that you are concerned that since your dog has gone deaf, kids might startle it. And after thinking about it, you realized that you would now like the kids to stay out of your yard. And apologize for the inconvenience to their ball game. If you are friendly with them, you might suggest solutions (extra balls, a tall net above the fence, whatever) but that’s not really your problem to solve. I would not suggest they bay in a different direction, because that’s effectively creating a problem for a different neighbor. I would mention that you’ll be happy to toss their balls over the fence when you notice them. Also, i think you are overreacting to a little kid commenting on a hammock. Kids comment on whatever they are thinking, and being interested in a hammock is normal. I don’t think you have a neighbor problem. It’s possible that things will deteriorate into a problem, but no need to borrow trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/35 "2025-08-26T18:24:58Z")
I don’t know what kind of gates you people have, but mine is theoretically climbable but it would be tough - even tougher to get out again. Not something you’d want to do a couple of times a game. The fence between me and the guy with grandkids, whose balls sometimes come over (and which I happily throw back when I find them) is eight-feet high - his desire, not mine. No one but an Olympic pole vaulter is getting over that. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/36 "2025-08-26T18:50:19Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > You are being very reasonable and not cranky to ask the dad to please not let the kids come in the yard because you’re worried about the dog getting startled. It’s more than that. They’re kids! If they came into my yard and forgot to latch the gate (remember, they’re kids) and my dogs got out … I would be furious. They are part of our family (no not furbaby level) and I could not honestly tell you what my reaction to them would be in the future especially if we couldn’t find them or they got hit by a car. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/37 "2025-08-26T18:58:41Z")
Your dog isn’t named Hercules, is it? ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2025, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/38 "2025-08-26T20:23:44Z")
I would do as many have opined: Have a chat with the neighbor Dad (“Hey, our dog is getting deafer/afraid strangers in the backyard could lead to bad things/we’re putting a lock on the gate/text me if the kids lose their balls over the fence”), and then put a lock on the gate. Yeah, kids climb, but they’re old enough to know that the fence is not only a barrier but also represents a boundary across which they should not be crossing. Full disclosure: we have locks on all three of our gates. Two of the gates we seldom use, but the one we do use, I’m tall enough to reach over and undo the gate because that lock is rarely locked. It hangs in the latch, preventing the latch from being unlatched. If you know the lock is not locked, you can reach over and manipulate the lock out of the latch and open the gate, but if you’re 6 years old, you’re not going to figure that out. There’s a reason for the adage that good fences make good neighbors. I think that also presumes the good fence has a good gate. You’re far from being the “Hey you kids! Get of my lawn!” guy. You’re asking reasonable questions for a fairly common neighbor issue. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2025, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461/39 "2025-08-27T10:39:06Z")
I would just put a keypad style lock on the gate. No wzplanantions or excuses need be provided to your neighbor. Toss back the whiffle balls when you see them. If questioned, it’s because of a change in temperament of the dog. No strangers allowed in backyard. The kids can knock on the front door if they need your assistance. I’ll bet they’ll change the layout of the field of dreams. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-neighbor-question-kids-dog-balls-over-the-fence/1022461.md?page=1)