# Another one (anti-gay pastor arrested for public masturbation) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 6, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703 "2011-03-06T20:56:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/41 "2011-03-07T14:57:22Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What the fuck are you talking about? Can you give an example of homosexuals and feminists jerking off while watching kids at a playground? This is a better [read.](http://www.austriantimes.at/index.php?id=13953) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/42 "2011-03-07T15:03:49Z")
Who was it that posited that the gay rights struggle is really a battle between regular gay people and self-hating gay people? ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/43 "2011-03-07T15:17:33Z")
If he was in the van how did the woman notice his fly was open and determine that he was masturbating? > [@](#): > > According to the [_New Orleans Times-Picayune_](http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/02/man_booked_with_masturbating_a.html), one woman saw Storms parked in his van “looking at the playground area that contained children playing, with his zipper down…,” the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office [report](http://topics.nola.com/tag/jefferson%20parish%20sheriff's%20office/index.html) read. After judging that Storms was masturbating, the woman and another mother who witnessed the event both alerted deputies. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/44 "2011-03-07T15:21:17Z")
Wait, does this mean that masturbating in a van makes someone turn gay? Need answer fast! ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/45 "2011-03-07T15:25:16Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Who was it that posited that the gay rights struggle is really a battle between regular gay people and self-hating gay people? That’s been a common observation as more an more examples turn up, e.g.: [QUOTE=Jon Stewart] By the way, out of curiosity, just a minor point, off the subject… uh, how many times do the anti-gay force guys have to get caught in gay trysts before everybody just realizes _ **they’re all gay** _? If you wanna meet gay dudes, start cruising the anti-gay buffet because it’s out there, baby! [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/46 "2011-03-07T15:29:31Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Wait, does this mean that masturbating in a van makes someone turn gay? Need answer fast! Only if it’s a minivan. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/47 "2011-03-07T16:10:03Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > If he was in the van how did the woman notice his fly was open and determine that he was masturbating? Vans have these things called windows. Perhaps you’ve heard of them? ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/48 "2011-03-07T16:24:15Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Vans have these things called windows. Perhaps you’ve heard of them? There’s still a certain angle you have to be able to look at to see if someone’s zipper’s down. You also need to be close enough to make it out. The article said he was in the vicinity of a playground. Either these women have eagle vision or we’re not getting the whole story. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/49 "2011-03-07T16:32:38Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > There’s still a certain angle you have to be able to look at to see if someone’s zipper’s down. You also need to be close enough to make it out. The article said he was in the vicinity of a playground. Either these women have eagle vision or we’re not getting the whole story. From the original Times-Picayune [article](http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/02/man_booked_with_masturbating_a.html): > [@](#): > > The first woman told deputies she was taking her children to the playground and parked next to the van at about noon. As she was walking around her own vehicle, she noticed the van windows were down and the occupant was “looking at the playground area that contained children playing, with his zipper down…,” the report said. The woman noted that he was masturbating and quickly ushered her children out of her car. No eagle vision needed, she was right next to his van door. And he had the windows down. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/50 "2011-03-07T16:32:53Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > There’s still a certain angle you have to be able to look at to see if someone’s zipper’s down. You also need to be close enough to make it out. The article said he was in the vicinity of a playground. Either these women have eagle vision or we’re not getting the whole story. Yes, but if you climb a tree and use a good pair of binoculars, you can see in most vans. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/51 "2011-03-07T16:32:55Z")
The guy basically admitted to having his dick out, unless he’s claiming he was filtering his urine through his pants before he placed it in the alleged bottle. So I guess these women just made an incredibly lucky guess. Alternately, I’d say they could tell he was wanking, and assumed his zipper was down. Either way, it’s a fair cop. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/52 "2011-03-07T16:59:28Z")
Why would two separate women who don’t even know each other spontaneously conspire to falsely accuse a guy of wanking in his van? I’m guessing the could see enough to know what was going on, especially if there were some arm motions happening. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/53 "2011-03-07T17:37:35Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > The guy basically admitted to having his dick out, unless he’s claiming he was filtering his urine through his pants before he placed it in the alleged bottle. I have to try that filtering piss through your pants thing. Can you also filter poop through your clothes? What does he filter for btw, does he plan on drinking the urine afterward? ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/54 "2011-03-07T19:13:51Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Why would two separate women who don’t even know each other spontaneously conspire to falsely accuse a guy of wanking in his van? Because the devil told them to, duh. In fact, any time a pastor gets caught doing wrong we should just leap to this conclusion. The lord works in mysterious ways. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/55 "2011-03-07T19:34:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What the fuck are you talking about? Can you give an example of homosexuals and feminists jerking off while watching kids at a playground? “A woman without a man is like a fish that isn’t masturbating in public.” –Gloria Steinem ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/56 "2011-03-07T19:45:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Why would two separate women who don’t even know each other spontaneously conspire to falsely accuse a guy of wanking in his van? > > I’m guessing the could see enough to know what was going on, especially if there were some arm motions happening. Yeah, if he was making the beating off motions, I think it’d be pretty apparent what he was up to, even without seeing whether or not his fly was unzipped. ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/57 "2011-03-07T22:36:35Z")
You know who I’d report to police? An adult who’s at a playground, up a tree, with binoculars. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/58 "2011-03-09T21:05:15Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > If I could save pee in a bottle, > The first thing that I’d like to do… … is to save every gay from eternity’s burnin’ and yearn that they spent it with you. Oh, they never seem to nick the Vicar just before he’s snapped a picture of your little boy… he’s just a human toy. Yes, if I could save pee in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do… is to save every gay from eternity’s burnin’ and yearn that they spend it with you. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/59 "2011-03-09T22:44:50Z")
Let’s say he was beating off, but through his pants, with his zipper up. The women were able to tell he was pounding pud because of the arm motions. Would he have still been breaking the law? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-one-anti-gay-pastor-arrested-for-public-masturbation/573703/60 "2011-03-09T22:49:53Z")
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