# Another poll for the ladies to hop on **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2006, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746 "2006-08-22T14:05:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/1 "2006-08-22T14:05:15Z")
So…have you ever done it just to “shut him up” even though you weren’t realy into the mood? What specificially were the magic words because, you know, just curious. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/2 "2006-08-22T14:12:51Z")
Only once, and it was horrible for both of us. I know, “Horrible sex?! Surely an oxymoron!” But it was. I was only doing it to make him happy, he knew it, and we both ending up in this ego-crushing, self-defeatist funk that left little room for even the most mechanical pleasure. All I could think was, “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I want to do this?” and all he could think was, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t she want me?” I learned my lesson, and I won’t do that again. I do occasionally give head when I don’t feel like having sex, but feel like giving my man a little pleasure (or just release), but I won’t sleep with anyone when I don’t want to ever again. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/3 "2006-08-22T14:43:12Z")
Sort of. I’ve had sex with the hubby when I wasn’t in the mood because, even when I’m not in the mood, it’s still pleasant. Kinda like a back rub. Yeah, there are no fireworks or anything, but it’s still a nice way to connect on a physical and spiritual level. Also, sometimes when I think I’m not in the mood, I end up getting into it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/4 "2006-08-22T14:47:22Z")
What, begging and jewellery stopped working? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/5 "2006-08-22T14:49:27Z")
[QUOTE=norinew] Also, sometimes when I think I’m not in the mood, I end up getting into it anyway. [/QUOTE] Aside: My estranged and I refer to this as “The cabbage soup effect.” See, I make a marvelous cabbage soup, but it never seems like a yummy idea until you’ve got it in front of you. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/6 "2006-08-22T14:51:12Z")
It depends exactly what is meant by “not in the mood”, and \*why \* I’m not in the mood. If I could take it or leave it, then I generally take it. Like \*\*norinew \*\* said, once we get started, I’ll usually get into it. Sometimes when you think you’re too stressed or distracted for sex, sex is exactly what you need! But if I’m not in the mood because I’m not feeling well, or because I’m mad at him for some reason, then no. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/7 "2006-08-22T14:51:23Z")
[QUOTE=QuickSilver] What, begging and jewellery stopped working? [/QUOTE] Exactly. And there’s a shortage of bisexual Latvian twin sisters in Denver so I kinda need to take what I can get. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/8 "2006-08-22T15:02:54Z")
Ya got pandas? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/9 "2006-08-22T15:32:08Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > But if I’m not in the mood because I’m not feeling well, or because I’m mad at him for some reason, then no. I don’t think I’ve ever been angry enough at my hubby to turn down sex, but I’m with ya on the not feeling well thing. OTOH, when I’m not feeling well, he knows better than to even ask. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/10 "2006-08-22T15:47:25Z")
Okay, this is almost certainly not what you’re looking for, but the times I’ve done this were inevitably (and I do mean inevitably) hideous for me. And, to clarify, I mean had sex when I didn’t want to (as opposed to when I was neutral or distracted or busy or whatever - straight up did not want to have the sex) just to make him quit nagging me. Of course, his form of nagging me was to make me feel defective, fat, ugly and worthless and spin it all in such a way that only my agreement to sex I in no way wanted could possibly make up for those flaws. Why, yes, I am violently against this particular relationship manipulation tactic. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/11 "2006-08-22T16:03:42Z")
[QUOTE=norinew] Sort of. I’ve had sex with the hubby when I wasn’t in the mood because, even when I’m not in the mood, it’s still pleasant. Kinda like a back rub. Yeah, there are no fireworks or anything, but it’s still a nice way to connect on a physical and spiritual level. Also, sometimes when I think I’m not in the mood, I end up getting into it anyway. [/QUOTE] Yep. Also because it doesn’t seem fair that, just because I’m not in the mood, _he_ should have to go without. In fact, during the earlier years of our marriage (when our kids were small), we did it _mostly_ when I wasn’t really in the mood. He has a pretty strong sex drive and usually (well, always) wanted sex every day, and sometimes twice a day. Whereas my drive ran to, maybe, once a week. My feeling was that, as **norinew** says, sex is pleasant and a nice way to connect as a couple, even if I’m not in the mood for an orgasm. It seemed to me that my doing it when I wasn’t strictly in the mood would hurt me a lot less than him doing without it when he _was_ in the mood would hurt him. Our deal was, if I was really tired or busy, we would do a quickie. Less than 5 minutes twice a day kept him happy and feeling close to me. And, once a week or so, when I _was_ in the mood, we’d get more involved. Anyway, this works for us and has for 20 years now. I’ve found that his sex drive has tapered off a bit and mine has increased a bit, but we still do a couple quickies a week that are, mostly, just ‘for him.’ Sex has never been a battlefield for us, as it is for so many other couples I know. ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/12 "2006-08-22T17:05:12Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] So…have you ever done it just to “shut him up” even though you weren’t realy into the mood? What specificially were the magic words because, you know, just curious. 😉 [/QUOTE] Sure, of course. I expect he has also. Though I wouldn’t say it’s to shut him up exactly. I have certainly had sex of various kinds when I was not in the mood but he was. Heck, like an earlier poster, if we had had to wait until we were both in the mood we would never have had sex from, oh, the time I got pregnant the first time until our youngest was about four. But he did have better luck in terms of full participation by beginning with “Hmm, what might get you in the mood?” And by not acting like a baby when the honest answer was “You do the dishes,”. Hey, somebody else doing the dishes can make you feel very grateful under certain circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/13 "2006-08-22T17:19:37Z")
The _double entendre_ was intentional, right? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/14 "2006-08-22T17:32:33Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] The _double entendre_ was intentional, right? [/QUOTE] [Yeah](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=357592&highlight=poll). I’m a rude bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/15 "2006-08-22T17:53:38Z")
> [@](#): > > ]But he did have better luck in terms of full participation by beginning with “Hmm, what might get you in the mood?” And by not acting like a baby when the honest answer was “You do the dishes,”. > > Hey, somebody else doing the dishes can make you feel very grateful under certain circumstances. Absolutely. And, like **norinew** and others, yes I have. It’s pleasant, and unless I’m really cranky and tired I’ll probably enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/16 "2006-08-22T18:09:32Z")
[QUOTE=Marienee] Sure, of course. I expect he has also. Though I wouldn’t say it’s to shut him up exactly. I have certainly had sex of various kinds when I was not in the mood but he was. Heck, like an earlier poster, if we had had to wait until we were both in the mood we would never have had sex from, oh, the time I got pregnant the first time until our youngest was about four. But he did have better luck in terms of full participation by beginning with “Hmm, what might get you in the mood?” And by not acting like a baby when the honest answer was “You do the dishes,”. Hey, somebody else doing the dishes can make you feel very grateful under certain circumstances. [/QUOTE] That makes a lot of sense. Would someone mind emailing this to my husband? 😃 (I’m also reconsidering my “never again” stance. Y’all make a lot of sense, particularly about how if we wait until we’re both in the mood, it may take years. I just need to figure out how to re-wire it into my brain so that I don’t feel “put-upon” or martyred for doing it.) ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/17 "2006-08-22T18:14:00Z")
I have a few times. One time it was after we’d had a serious argument and I didn’t enjoy it at all, but I knew it would make him happy. Mostly because he was \*really \* in the mood, and I just wasn’t. Like \*\*norinew \*\* said, it’s still pleasant. Not earth-shattering like it should be (hey, I’m spoiled) but still good. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/18 "2006-08-22T19:54:55Z")
What is this “Not in the Mood” that you folks are talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/19 "2006-08-22T20:19:18Z")
If it’s been more than four days I will do it even if I’m not particularly in the mood. I figure four days is just about as long as a person should have to go without. If it ever gets to that long in-between it’s usually because we’ve both been busy, tired, stressed, sick, etc. and I don’t even realize it’s been that long until I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2006, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746/20 "2006-08-22T21:03:11Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] What is this “Not in the Mood” that you folks are talking about? [/QUOTE] It’s something that happens when you’ve got a full time job, some kids, a house to take care of, bills to pay, and you’ve been having sex with this person for ten years and anticipate having sex with them for forty more. Sometimes you’ve just got other stuff on your mind. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-poll-for-the-ladies-to-hop-on/369746.md?page=2)