# Another question for the owners/adminstrators of this board: Replacement Cecil
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730
**Category:** About This Message Board
**Created:** [March 29, 2002, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730 "2002-03-29T12:33:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/1 "2002-03-29T12:33:44Z")
It’s come to my attention that Cecil doesn’t post here very often. This has been attributed to the fact that A) He’s a techophobe when it comes to computers, B) He’s a misanthrope or C) He’s too freakin’ busy jet-setting around the world stamping out ignorance.
I, therefore, humbly offer myself up in one of two capacities:
Either as
A) A Replacement Cecil: Fire him, hire me. The benefits are amazing as I’m NOT a misanthrope, I can ‘glad-hand’ with th’ best of 'em and I promise not to drive any editors to the brink of dispair.
My many public appearances as The Replacement Cecil will certainly bring in vast quantities of revenue for The Chicago Reader, (which would certainly trickle down ([sub]bribe[/sub]) to the Admins and the Mods of this Board!) There is but one drawback to this plan: Cecil’s the world’s smartest man, and I’m not. Hell, I’ll be honest. I’m not even in the top 20. But I have a plan! We get me a couple o’ university research departments, some select posters ( **Anthracite** on Energy/Science issues, **Wring** on social/prison issues, **Scylla** on Amish issues, **SPOOFE** on BO Diddlies, **Esprix** on Asian issues, and so on: maybe 50 in all) and lock 'em in a basement somewhere. When I get stumped on a question, they can feed me the answer through a hidden earplug, just like [Peter Poppoff](http://www.bible.ca/tongues-popoff-39-17Mhz.htm). Problem solved.
If, however, the Powers that Be decline this great opportunity, or decide that there’d be too much bloodshed from trying to remove Cecil from his position of power, I’ve got a second thought:
B) I could be the Voice of Cecil on the Board. Just like the Metatron in the Bible, I’d be Cecil’s official Spokeposter. I’d be able to greet newbies in his name, make stunning pronouncements when speaking Ex-Cathedra (so to speak), in all: I’d stir up controversy and good will whenever I posted. This would benefit both Cecil AND The Chicago Reader.
These are just a few of the concrete benefits that you would have if you made me either the Replacement Cecil or the Board’s Official Voice of Cecil[sup]tm[/sup]
Fenris, Cecil II
---
### Author:  [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/2 "2002-03-29T15:11:11Z")
This is really just a bid to get him to talk to you, isn’t it? 😉
---
### Author:  [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/3 "2002-03-29T19:35:57Z")
I get dibs on the basement office w/a window…
---
### Author:  [@kase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kase)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/4 "2002-03-29T19:47:30Z")
Can I be your Dutch translator?
\*\* :o)\*\*
\*is my nose brown enough? \*
---
### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/5 "2002-03-29T20:15:30Z")
> [@](#):
>
> These are just a few of the concrete benefits that you would have if you made me either the Replacement Cecil or the Board’s Official Voice of Ceciltm
I get it! **concrete** (and his many forms) was one of our most infamous sockpuppeteers. Hence, by offering “concrete” benefits, **Fenris** must want to be **Cecil Adams** ’s sockpuppet!
OK, if I’m wrong, let me be the SDMB’s resident cricketing expert. I’ll even work as an intern, it may help me get that gig on CricInfo…
---
### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/6 "2002-03-29T20:21:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*
> \*\* . . . lock 'em in a basement somewhere.
> \*\*
Hell, Wolfie, Cecil _already_ has some of us locked in a basement somewhere. Let us out and give us chocolate (or in my case, single-malt Scotch) and maybe we can talk.
---
### Author:  [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/7 "2002-03-29T22:09:54Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*
> \*\*
> I’m not even in the top 20.
>
> \*\*
Spotted a typo there, hon - shouldn’t that read ‘200,000’?
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/8 "2002-03-29T23:24:29Z")
**Arden** : [sub]maybe[/sub]
**wring** : Mmmmm…ok.
**Kase** : Ok and yes.
**Duke** : Wrong and ok
**Colibri** : No. In the basement you stay. We’ll talk about the chocolate and the booze after I see how well you do.
**coosa** : No. The number I gave was correct.
What? You think I’m gonna give with the long-winded answers _before_ they make me Replacement Cecil (or Voice of Cecil)?
Fenris, Cecil-To-Be
---
### Author:  [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/9 "2002-03-29T23:58:51Z")
I’m sorry, but the _last_ thing we need is a bunch of Cecil-wannabes and proto-Cecils running around mucking up the place. The world is filled with billions of people who aren’t Cecil–there is no need for more of them. And for even entertaining the thought, I think certain individuals should have to spend some time in the time-out corner.
I am guided by the words which Unca Cece perhaps has never explicitly said, but has always implicitly commanded: “I am your Cecil. You shall have no other cecils before me”.
So say twenty “Hail Cecils”, and go and sin no more.
---
### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/10 "2002-03-30T00:09:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*
> **Colibri** : No. In the basement you stay. We’ll talk about the chocolate and the booze after I see how well you do.
Hmph. See if I help _you_ out when you get questions about [caterpillar sex](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/001215.html) and [butt-breathing turtles.](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011116.html)
---
### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/11 "2002-03-30T01:48:04Z")
Have you no shame, boy?
Not only do you think you can replace The Master, you then proceed to choose a Dutch translator whose screen name is the _German_ word for “cheese”. My lord, you need all the translation you can get.
May Cecil have mercy on your soul.
---
### Author:  [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/12 "2002-03-30T02:21:47Z")
I vote for **Fenris - Cecil II**! Because…errmmm…it will help provide a use for Roman numerals? Because he’s the _real_ Slim Shady? Because…because he looks stunning in a Kaga jacket?
Hell…there are so many reasons that **Fenris** _should_ be Cecil II, maybe it’s easier to list reasons why **Fenris** should _not_ be Cecil II. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/13 "2002-03-30T02:43:03Z")
Hey, I know more than just Bo Diddlies… I’m the resident Star Wars nerd. In fact, I will venture to say that I know more about the fictional Star Wars universe than Cecil himself.
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/14 "2002-03-30T03:03:59Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \*
> \*\*Hey, I know more than just Bo Diddlies… I’m the resident Star Wars nerd. In fact, I will venture to say that I know more about the fictional Star Wars universe than Cecil himself. \*\*
Soooo…you’re saying that you know more about Star Wars than you know about the the microsopic bit of knowledge world’s greatest recluse has chosen to share? Hell, I know more about nuclear energy than I do about 3d century macrame. But I’d still blow us all to hell if I got near a power plant!
How, exactly is that a plus for my campaign. Just read what the speech writers tell you. 'kay?
**Anth** , for that stunning bit of support, you also get a corner basement office with windows.
**Coldie** : I figured you could be my Clog expert. But hey, if you don’t want the job…
**Whitetho** : no cabinet post for you.
Fenris, Cecil II
---
### Author:  [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/15 "2002-03-30T03:10:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*
> \*\*
> **Anth** , for that stunning bit of support, you also get a corner basement office with windows.
>
> \*\*
Corner office? there were _CORNER_ offices available?
and may I point out that **I** bumped this little sucker out of oblivian??
hmmm???
Not to mention all of the **other** inducements, nudge nudge wink wink knowwhaddimean ???
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/16 "2002-03-30T03:59:37Z")
**wring** y’get whatcha ask for: you wanted a basement room wit’ windows, you got one.
**SPOOFE** : My people unmangled your syntax and so, yeah: you c’n be our resident expert on Star Wars AND bo Diddlies. But next time, don’t surprise the speech-writers, okay?
Fenris, Cecil II
---
### Author:  [@kase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kase)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/17 "2002-03-30T11:14:20Z")
If we’re gonna talk about screen names…
Coldfire = koudvuur in Dutch. AKA Gangrene 🙂
I mean…You’d rather be helped by an innocent piece of cheese, right?
---
### Author:  [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/18 "2002-03-30T11:49:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> SPOOFE: My people unmangled your syntax and so, yeah: you c’n be our resident expert on Star Wars AND bo Diddlies. But next time, don’t surprise the speech-writers, okay?
Sorry, buckaroo, but these speech-writers you hired are too pansy-ass for my taste (for example, they don’t like to use the word “buckaroo”). In fact, fire them all, and institue ME as the speech-writer. You think you get some zingers in now? Boy, just wait 'til you get SPOOFE’s brain behind your mouth… you’ll tear the world a new one.
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2002, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/19 "2002-03-30T12:30:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \*
> \*\*
> Boy, just wait 'til you get SPOOFE’s brain behind your mouth… \*\*
Now THERE’S an image I won’t soon be able to forget.
Groucho Fenris, Cecil II
---
### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730/20 "2002-03-31T04:03:03Z")
Fenris - Cecil’s Metatron. I **like** it!
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-question-for-the-owners-adminstrators-of-this-board-replacement-cecil/100730.md?page=2)