# Another take on Female Interest/Clueless Guys **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 25, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432 "2010-02-25T19:46:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432/21 "2010-02-26T22:59:16Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > You’re also presupposing that all people pick up all social cues the same. What is obvious to one person isn’t obvious to another. To bring this away from romance for a moment, since it muddles the conversation with things like considering long term relationships and whether they would or wouldn’t want to, an old friend invited me to casually hang out with them once and I thought they were just telling me what they were doing, it wasn’t until later that they said the way the described it and the words they used meant they were inviting me and they thought I just didn’t want to go when I said that I was going to walk around and I might bump into them later. She kept mentioning things that were nostalgic to both of us related to what was going on, and I just figured it was idle chit-chat and catching up, because she said she missed talking to me since it’d been about a year. Then just started saying things like how she was going to go walk around and see some of the participants practice and then go in. I did not see the implied “you should come!” that she told me was obvious. I still don’t see it when looking back, but apparently it was obvious. Okay, sorry, I was in a rush and this makes no sense. I tried to be vague and then changed my mind halfway through. Here’s the story in coherent form: I like to take meandering walks, usually I walk out to my University’s campus. One day there was a marching band competition that’s rather important around here, it was about a month and a half before they usually hold it so I wasn’t expecting it. I sort of stumbled upon it and had no idea what was going on (it was so early I thought they were doing clinics or something). So I bump into my friend (year younger than me, met in middle school) with her little sister (who is still in high school but quit band her sophomore year, so they went together to have fun reminiscing). I ask her what the hell is going on, she tells me it’s \ and I’m baffled. We talk about regular “I haven’t seen you in a while” stuff. And she points and says "we’re going that way to see the other bands and talk about old band stuff. " (along those lines) I would have gone with her if I knew she was inviting me, but I thought she was just closing the conversation, especially since she was with her sister and I thought they were doing bonding time or something. I say “Okay, I’m taking a walk, maybe I’ll bump into you.” She says, “Okay… maybe, bye” and we walk off in separate directions. Apparently she wanted me to come with her, but I’m not even seeing an implicit invitation there, which is apparently obvious to her. Some people just don’t pick up social cues, or at least they don’t pick up the SAME social cues. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432/22 "2010-02-27T00:59:50Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > If someone man or woman, is interested in you, you’d know. > > These “clueless” guys are the result of the woman (in this case) are hedging their bets. There isn’t enough interest, just enough so that the woman has a fall back in case. > > In other words she’s looking and you’re on her list. Usually about 2 or 3 places from the bottom of it. > > I don’t mean that as a negative, we all have lists and someone has to be on the bottom of it Or she’s “hedging her bets” in the sense that she doesn’t want to throw herself at the guy because a. she’s afraid of rejection, and/or b. she knows that all things being equal, he’ll likely be more comfortable being the aggressor. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2010, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432/23 "2010-02-27T05:29:14Z")
One problem that Clueless Guys tend to be very passive when it comes to meeting women. So it tends to puts the burden onto the girl to indicate her interest. And girls who are forward enough to indicate to a guy they are interested in no uncertain terms generally don’t go for very passive guys. And if you are too passive and don’t reciprocate interest, she will assume there is none on your part and move on. One thing I’ve noticed is that their indicators are extremely subtle. She’s not going to sit in your lap and touch your face (unless you are in a strip club or something). It might be as simple as shooting a look your way when she thinks you aren’t looking. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432/24 "2010-02-27T05:37:08Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > That may be true some of the time, but it if you read the other thread there are two types. There are types like Robot Arm that literally don’t know, and there are types who “notice” but have more of an internal war going. > > However, the latter can be just as bad\* as the former,… I don’t know about that. > [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Or she’s “hedging her bets” in the sense that she doesn’t want to throw herself at the guy because a. she’s afraid of rejection, and/or b. she knows that all things being equal, he’ll likely be more comfortable being the aggressor. Yes, but c. all things are never equal. Everybody has their own comfort level with being the aggressor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-take-on-female-interest-clueless-guys/530432.md?page=1)