# Answers to important questions. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 30, 1999, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258 "1999-10-30T09:38:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 1999, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/1 "1999-10-30T09:38:00Z")
\New here so don’t hurt me!\ _ **Okay** _ - I don’t want to know the meaning of life or the solution to world hunger. Want I want, is the answers to what’s **really** important… I want to know… If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? Or… If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Any other pondering thoughts, gems of wisdom with outrageous wit or “deep thoughts” that may come to mind would be appreciated. (with thanks to comedians Steven Wright & George Carlin) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 1999, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/2 "1999-10-30T10:11:00Z")
You don’t use a silencer, you use a 12 guage loaded with Mime shot. His neck turns black and blue. His mother glues his fingers together with super glue to shut him up. The turtle is a naked homeless turtle. Amusing is watching a mime in a shrinking box getting beat over the head by a blind man with a cane. ---
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 1999, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/3 "1999-10-30T20:01:00Z")
Hmmm… and I thought those were just intriguing questions that haunted my blonde mind. I will check back here from time to time to see just what answers these intelligent minds come up with. * * * “Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good things.” --Edgar Degas ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 1999, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/4 "1999-10-31T17:24:00Z")
Welcome to the Shallow End of Creation, smug - have a beer, they’re to your left. However, be careful with these questions over here. Some people might think you’re a… uhm… _looks around suspiciously_ … TROLL. For exact definitions, examples, real-life specimens, etc. I want to refer you to The BBQ Pit, where various threads are devoted to this subject. Or, hit the search engine and scan for “bj0rn” and/or “Jedi-667”. ## Otherwise welcome aboard and good luck mate. Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 1999, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/5 "1999-11-01T06:39:00Z")
Naaah, Coldfire. He’s obviously posting these questions as a joke, and he posted them here, instead of General Questions or Great Debates. Smug, for more of these questions check out this spot on the Teeming Millions \Home Page.\ The fact that it’s call Questions Only Idiots Would Ask is _no_ reflection on you. Seriously. 😉 * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 1999, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/6 "1999-11-01T06:40:00Z")
OK…let’s try that again. [Silly Questions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/idiots.html) * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 1999, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/7 "1999-10-31T20:58:00Z")
Retitle this Why Cousins Shouldn’t marry. (PSSST! Do you think Smug knows I’m talking about _HIM_?) * * * YO-HO, ME HEARTIES! ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THE MUSICAL BATTLE AT SEA! ---
**Author:** ![gypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbce88/32.png) [@gypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gypsy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 1999, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/8 "1999-10-31T21:08:00Z")
It seems that there is always someone whose family tree does not have a fork * * * Unforgiven ---
**Author:** ![gary\_horaczek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@gary\_horaczek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gary_horaczek)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 1999, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/9 "1999-10-31T21:09:00Z")
If God Is All Powerful Can He Make A Rock So Heavy Even He Can’t Lift It-George Carlin ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 1999, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/answers-to-important-questions/10258/10 "1999-11-01T13:46:00Z")
Or if just want more “important questions,” defined as those wit no answer, got here: [http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/001590.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/001590.html) * * * **Dopeler effect:** The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.