# Anti-jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158 "2011-07-15T19:05:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/21 "2011-07-15T22:28:52Z")
No, no, no. The anti-knock-knock joke is where you say to the victim, “Say knock-knock!”. So, they say “knock-knock”. You reply “who’s there?”, and they’re left speechless. Pure comedy gold, I tell you! ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/22 "2011-07-15T23:30:16Z")
A brick! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/23 "2011-07-15T23:50:21Z")
A man goes to his doctor and says “Doc, I’ve got this pain in my arm whenever I move it like this!” The doctor runs some tests and says “You have bone cancer” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/24 "2011-07-15T23:54:56Z")
An elephant and a giraffe are in a bathtub. The elephant says to the giraffe, “Hand me the soap.” The giraffe replies, “No soap. Radio!” ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/25 "2011-07-15T23:55:31Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Knock knock > Who’s there? > Dave > Dave who? > Tears welled in Dave’s eyes as he realized that his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s had progressed to the point where she no longer recognized him. > [@YogSosoth](#): > > A man goes to his doctor and says “Doc, I’ve got this pain in my arm whenever I move it like this!” > > The doctor runs some tests and says “You have bone cancer” These both made me laugh. Hard. ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/26 "2011-07-16T01:48:00Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > A man goes to his doctor and says “Doc, I’ve got this pain in my arm whenever I move it like this!” The doctor says “Quit moving it like that.” ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/27 "2011-07-16T02:00:22Z")
Did you hear about the guy who walked down the street and turned into a drug store? He shot the pharmacist and ran away with all the sudafed he could carry. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/28 "2011-07-16T02:01:24Z")
> [@MadTheSwine](#): > > The doctor says “Quit moving it like that.” Do you believe I heard the original with that punchline on the Ghostbusters cartoon in the 80’s? Maaaaan that was a long time ago… ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/29 "2011-07-16T02:08:10Z")
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: Flypaper. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/30 "2011-07-16T02:24:38Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/31 "2011-07-16T02:25:44Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > An anti-joke is a a type of humor that starts out like a joke, but takes a left turn somewhere and lacks a punchline. This limerick certainly lacks a punchline: > [@](#): > > There was a young lady named Bree > Whose limericks stopped at line three > And never were finished There’s another one I really like: > [@](#): > > There was an old man from Peru > Whose limericks stopped at line two And then there’s always: > [@](#): > > I once knew a man from Sorbonne There’s one more in the series, too, something about Emperor Nero. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/32 "2011-07-16T10:14:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > A: A stick In this case, it’s the “anti-joke” that’s actually the joke. Kind of. I was going to suggest: Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: Parcel tape. ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/33 "2011-07-16T10:28:58Z")
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. Highest rated on [http://anti-joke.com/](http://anti-joke.com/). ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/34 "2011-07-16T13:14:00Z")
Norm MacDonald did a whole slew of them at the [Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget](http://vodpod.com/watch/964947-this-man-is-for-the-birds). ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/35 "2011-07-16T13:35:11Z")
At the peak of Irish jokes: Why did the Irishman go to London? Because the job opportunities were better and the pay slightly higher. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/36 "2011-07-16T14:43:03Z")
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Doctor Dre ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/37 "2011-07-16T16:15:42Z")
An Irishman walks out of a bar. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/38 "2011-07-16T17:54:19Z")
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/39 "2011-07-16T19:28:43Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? How can we know the true motivations of any non human conciousness? Even trying to understand the inner drives of other humans is problimatic to say the least, often, even our own personal desires are hard to fathom, identify and codify. Ultimately, this is not a definitively answerable question. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158/40 "2011-07-16T23:29:13Z")
To understand this non joke you must have heard the original real joke, which is… A woman walks into Canterbury cathedral wearing a toples dress. A church official approaches her and asks her to leave. The woman says “But Father I have a divine right !” "You have a divine left aswellmy dear, but you still have to leave. " But the non joke version is “But Father I have a divine right” “I don’t give a fuck, I’M the one who’s Archbishop, so fuck off out of my church” (Excusing my French.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-jokes/589158.md?page=3)