# Anti Pro choose your weapons (or gunfight in the SDMB corral) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 6, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562 "2000-06-06T16:34:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/81 "2000-06-08T15:34:41Z")
::: properly dripping again ::: **BratMan**? Sorry, sorry…I had this pesky little thing called “work” to attend to. But I’m here for ya’ now, boss! Listen, it would make my job **a lot** easier if you don’t eat unfamilliar sandwiches and the like. Remember: _Sandwiches are DOMESTIC. They do not grow in the wild._ :::carefully cuts BratMan loose, being sure not to drop him on his head::: Now, first for the boar hunting you… :::releases killer attack robo-boar prettily dressed up Bugs Bunny-style like a female so as to lure wild boar and then kill it once “she” has him in her clutches::: Now, while **Smoothie** is distracted by remorse for water balooning Narile now that he has left the battle, time to get some licks in! :::blasts Smoothie off feet with fire hose::: As for **dpr** , we’ll have to come up with something completley devious in return for the sandwich/rope trap bit. Any ideas? Meanwhile, I think **purple** is still lurking about somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/82 "2000-06-08T15:56:46Z")
Thank you, sweetie. Now I have business to attend to. And by the way: > [@](#): > > \*\* > _Sandwiches are DOMESTIC. They do not grow in the wild._\*\* NOT TRUE! There happens to be a tuna salad sandwich bush on the other side of the pond. \>\>walks purposefully into the trees. Emerges again 30 minutes later, fully dressed now (sorry about the nakedness before, I don’t know what got into me) in his old Air Force battle dress uniform, ready for war.\<\< OK, cretins! Who wants some? \>\>unleashes his M-60 water rifle into the fray, drenching anyone within his line of sight\<\< ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/83 "2000-06-08T20:38:54Z")
um, Bratman, you did notice that the aforementioned cleavages were not just wet, but cold? Um, sorry, didn’t mean to re-glaze you there… glaze… umm, donuts… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/84 "2000-06-09T00:20:52Z")
Finally making her way back out of the trees, where she has spent the night and part of the day getting out of the scummy pond and walking through the woods, purplebear is in _no mood_ for any more such nonsense from BratMan. Spying him spraying everyone in sight with his M-60 water rifle, she sneaks up behind him quietly, and dumps a shirtful of pond scummy water all over his head and his nice battle dress ugly uniform. _Evil Grin!_ Then she turns on Chronos, for pointing out the obvious. Wait, did she actually say _pointing_! :eek: Hi, Sunshine, I’m right here! She picks up a water gun someone had dropped and hits her squarely in the back… Now, where are the showers around here? ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/85 "2000-06-09T00:27:55Z")
_waits for the girls to see the devious trap_ ---
**Author:** ![SmoothOperator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@SmoothOperator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmoothOperator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/86 "2000-06-09T12:07:15Z")
Good morning purplebear and sunshine. Did you see the Sale sign over there? It says dry clothes. :I know it’s a trap, but dpr has been waiting for someone to fall in for awhile. Let’s spring it and put him in there: Maybe we should check out the sale. Incidentally PB, that was a good one. Bratman didn’t know what hit him. And Sunshine, that’s the second time that you’ve helped Bratman and he’s turned on you. Do you see a pattern here? Here, you two help me move Chronos out of the way until he’s recovered his senses. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/87 "2000-06-09T12:59:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > And Sunshine, that’s the second time that you’ve helped Bratman and he’s turned on you. Do you see a pattern here? Here, you two help me move Chronos out of the way until he’s recovered his senses. > \*\* Don’t listen to him sunshine, I never turned on you this last time. I fired on everything in my line of sight, but since you are my trusty sidekick, naturally I told you I was gonna come out of the woods firing, so when you saw me you hit the deck and were safe from the M-60 water rifle. I only got you that one time cuz your shirt was getting really dry. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@Mr\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Bear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/88 "2000-06-09T13:03:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Howcome **I** don’t have a sidekick? Who’s going to help me? …, I need you! > \*\* Look It’s a plane, no it’s a B-52 and MR BEAR is pissed, too many people picking on is wife and he’s not there to enjoy 😃 ,…I mean help her. So while very body is looking up, he releases his payload of 1000 water balloons, 1000 jello ballons, and just for good measure 1000 pudding balloons.:eek Flying off into the wild blue yonder, he is heard to say play fair, or send pictures, or I’ll be back!😃 😃 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/89 "2000-06-09T16:27:51Z")
Good morning, Smoothie. Thanks, I try. I had to get him back for dumping me into that pond! 🙂 I agree, let’s put dpr in there, and check out the sale too. Let’s pull Chronos over here into the shade. BratMan, likely story, sure. 😛 I believe you. Just then, she hears the sound of her hubby’s plane, and ducks back into the trees and waits to see the fun start! After his drop, she runs out and waves up at him. Thanks, honey!! 😃 Looking around, she sees all of the other women covered with water and pudding, and the guys covered with water and jello. Hmmmmmmmmm…this could be fun! 😉 Then she goes to help Smoothie up and looks around for the other women to help them up too. The guys are on their own, especially Brat! 😉 Just kidding, dear. Here, let me help you up now. Oops! I slipped in the jello and pudding, didnt mean to drop you again. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/90 "2000-06-09T16:54:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Then she goes to help Smoothie up and looks around for the other women to help them up too. The guys are on their own, especially Brat! 😉 Just kidding, dear. Here, let me help you up now. Oops! I slipped in the jello and pudding, didnt mean to drop you again. 😛 > \*\* purplebear, likely story, sure. 😛 I believe you. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/91 "2000-06-09T17:25:05Z")
::: stumbling from the force of **purple’s** direct hit ::: OOF! ::: clearing throat authoritatively ::: Okay, **BratMan** …I believe you. But can we get something straight here? As your trusty sidekick, I am required to warn you of certain dangers, extract you from sticky situations, generally ‘get your back’ and the like. I promise to do all those things, **plus** maintain an appropriately damp and heaving bosom, as long as you _attempt_ to take my advice and reciprocate on the rescuing when needed. That said, **Trust me on the sandwich thing!** I have yet to succumb to **dpr’s** ridiculous ‘SALE’ trap, so I know a crafty ‘tuna-sandwich-bush’ trap when I see one! _( dpr, I may be a mere sidekick, but how dumb do you think I am?)_ 😉 ::: grabbing **Chronos’s** leg and dragging ::: Look, **Smoothie** , the sidekick-hero relationship is a very complicated thing. There may be times when the hero seems to betray the sidekick, but the sidekick faithfully and trustingly believes that the hero is always looking out for the sidekick’s best interests. No matter how often he turns and drenches the sidekick’s cleavage. Really. ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/92 "2000-06-09T17:34:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > purplebear, likely story, sure. 😛 I believe you. > \*\* LOL!! I thought you would like that. Not fair, you’re getting to know me too well! 🙂 Hold the fort without me for a bit, gotta go see the doc. \ I’ll be back asap to finish this fight, count on it! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/93 "2000-06-09T17:40:27Z")
You can’t just say you’re going to the doctor and say it’s a routine thing without telling us what it is!! Of course we’re gonna worry, what if you’re just saying that so we don’t worry, but something is really wrong? Please tell us why so we don’t really worry! (Unless it’s for one of those feminine-type problems, I don’t need to hear about that) \>\>Throws water balloons at purplebear’s back when she turns away to go to the doctor, then vanishes into the trees, invisible to the naked eye thanks to his camoflauged uniform.\<\< ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/94 "2000-06-09T20:20:06Z")
VB, awakened by the concussion of Papabears’ bomb run, Shakes his clear of the wet boobie glaze, and staggers off to find ammunition. “Hey Narile, can I borrow your trebuchet for a little while, please?” ---
**Author:** ![SmoothOperator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@SmoothOperator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmoothOperator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/95 "2000-06-09T22:59:48Z")
VB, Narile had to go to work but I think that his trebuchet is down in this hole. :smoothie points to the tiger trap that dpr had set up for the women water warriors: Why don’t you see if it’s still in working order? Bratman, I am a woman. Just because I don’t flash my damp cleavage at you doesn’t mean that I don’t have cleavage. Check out my signature. Sarah is a woman’s name. I forgive you tho’. Sunshine I have to go home. I don’t have web access from home, so you are on your own. Maybe PB or Anti Pro will be back soon. Don’t let Bratman and VB gang up on you. Hold the fort\> ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/96 "2000-06-09T23:37:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > You can’t just say you’re going to the doctor and say it’s a routine thing without telling us what it is!! Of course we’re gonna worry, what if you’re just saying that so we don’t worry, but something is really wrong? Please tell us why so we don’t really worry! > > (Unless it’s for one of those feminine-type problems, I don’t need to hear about that) > > \>\>Throws water balloons at purplebear’s back when she turns away to go to the doctor, then vanishes into the trees, invisible to the naked eye thanks to his camoflauged uniform.\<\< > > \*\* Sigh. _Ok, ok_. I have badly pulled the Deltoid tendon in my left shoulder, it will take about 6wks to heal. My bruises are bad from my fall \ but not too severe, considering. He changed my antinflammatory meds again, and everything else is just fine. He’s very happy at my 30lb wt loss! \ Back to the action: Reeling from the last attack by BratMan, purplebear runs off in the direction of the showers _again_, only to stop at the sight of VB looking for more ammo. Gotta do something about that, she mutters sweetly, and reaches for her guns, which have somehow materialized on the ground not far from the edge of the woods, where Brat is hiding… Sneaking her way up behind VB, who is now leaning down reaching for something, and blasts him across his back with both barrels, knocking him over, base to apex \ then she runs off to the showers, to take one with her clothes on, since she’s tired of changing clothes so much. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/97 "2000-06-09T23:37:11Z")
Not a chance, Smoothie! I saw you palm that card! I’m not stepping anywhere near that tiger hole! (I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night!) And Bratman, what PB went to the Doc for is Nunya! PHFFFFBBBBBBBBBBT! VB baseballs a waterballoon and catches Bratty between the eyes! ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/98 "2000-06-10T03:24:21Z")
\*\* Hey, purplepunkin, \*\* your hubby’s aim is excellent, no wonder he is such an ace!! ::::::::::::licking at pudding, :::::::hmmmmmm, nice! I love banana mixed with chocolate! Also, this is hot work, and the sugar rush is a bit of a help too! \*\* Smoothie \*\* cut out, huh?? Summing up here, Sunshine is teamed with Lord of the Flybrats, some taste ya got there, Sunny!! 😛 I’m going back for the fire hose, this place is a mess!!! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/99 "2000-06-10T08:52:30Z")
For the record: I am a native of GQ and Comments, just visiting MPSIMS. This means that I’m a logical and rational person (live long and prosper), and therefore not personally incapacitated by the sight of damp, cold, well-formed feminine anatomy. And Purple, I merely pointed that fact out to BratMan because I knew that he was not similarly rational, and that such mention would, in fact, incapacitate him, thereby protecting you and offering you the opportunity for the revenge of your choosing. _hands PurpleBear a towell and an opaque raincoat_ If you honestly prefer that certain features not be pointed out, try these. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562/100 "2000-06-10T14:17:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Bratman, I am a woman. Just because I don’t flash my damp cleavage at you doesn’t mean that I don’t have cleavage. Check out my signature. Sarah is a woman’s name. I forgive you tho’. \*\* I honestly knew that! Sorry, I was typing faster than I was thinking. \>\>Stands with hands behind back and eyes closed\<\< Go ahead Smoothie, take a free shot at me. > [@](#): > > \*\* > And Bratman, what PB went to the Doc for is Nunya! \*\* I honestly wasn’t expecting her to answer! I was just playing. From now on, I’ll make sure to put a 😃 or 🙂 or something after every I type that I don’t mean. Ok? Love you guys. Really, I do. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-pro-choose-your-weapons-or-gunfight-in-the-sdmb-corral/21562.md?page=6)