# Anti-Rape Activists Having a Hard Time Dating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111 "2015-10-29T18:24:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/21 "2015-10-29T20:23:52Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > I started dating in the early 70s and at least in my peer group men always want sex on the first date. That’s different from expecting it to happen vs _hoping_ it will happen. Well, sure, if it’s possible to have sex even before a first date, I’d want that too. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/22 "2015-10-29T20:27:44Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > I would likely respond along the lines of: > “Fair enough. I work in the mortgage insurance business and know the chief arson investigator, so don’t even think about having one of your associates torch my house while we’re out!” Seriously! What a bizarre way to start a relationship. Or to attempt to start one. She probably should add something to her profile about caring a lot about explicit affirmative consent. And then shut the \*\*\*\* up about it unless the man acts contrary to those explicit expectations she listed. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/23 "2015-10-29T20:34:11Z")
“I retain copyright to all my DNA, so if we DO have sex, I will expect the safe return of all my sperm.” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/24 "2015-10-29T20:49:33Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > True. But there are also plenty of men who wouldn’t see her being an anti-rape activist as a thing to put up with; it’s a cause they _agree_ with. Not fundamentally different than her being political on some other front. I don’t think it was that, I think it was the accusatory way she said it. I’d probably have cancelled the date as well, worried that one misunderstood joke or ill-placed hand could land me in jail for the night. thanks but no thanks. Let’s take sex out of this for a second. Pretend you’re a contractor about to start a job and you’re talking to the homeowner and he says “I do a lot of writing about the construction industry and how to help people not get ripped off” Okay, not so bad. But what if the homeowner said “I write a popular blog about homeowner’s rights during remodels, I’m good friends with the city inspector and mayor since they both contribute to it…don’t even think about trying anything funny” Would you still take the job or maybe just let this be someone else’s headache? Regarding the date, remember, it was Tinder, they probably had two or three messages back and forth before meeting. It’s not that they had a whole lot invested in each other. Further more, unless something is missing from the article, and maybe it is, it’s not fair for her to say that he’s a ‘fuckboy about consent’ when all he did was decline the meeting. She’s simply inferring the reasons and that’s not fair. PS, if she left out the “I know the chief of police” line, she might not scare people off as quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/25 "2015-10-29T22:01:49Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Well, sure, if it’s possible to have sex even before a first date, I’d want that too. Or even instead. ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/26 "2015-10-29T22:19:54Z")
> [@Trom](#): > > What’s a fuckboy in this context? 😕 While fuckboy can mean different things to different communities, I’m assuming she means that this dude ain’t shit (about consent). Regarding (her knowledge) about consent, he knows nothing. He talks, but ain’t about that life. He’s a fuckboy. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/27 "2015-10-29T22:54:26Z")
If I decide not to have sex with a woman, I’m not going to tell her why. It’s none of her business. She can draw whatever conclusions she likes. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/28 "2015-10-29T23:34:17Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > “I retain copyright to all my DNA, so if we DO have sex, I will expect the safe return of all my sperm.” And I will be expecting royalties from any derivative works 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/29 "2015-10-29T23:48:30Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > While fuckboy can mean different things to different communities, I’m assuming she means that this dude ain’t shit (about consent). Regarding (her knowledge) about consent, he knows nothing. He talks, but ain’t about that life. He’s a fuckboy. “This dude ain’t shit (about consent).” I’m sorry but that makes no sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/30 "2015-10-29T23:56:39Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > “This dude ain’t shit (about consent).” > > I’m sorry but that makes no sense to me. You don’t know what it means when someone “ain’t shit” or you don’t know what it means in the context of her quote? Because that’s basically the whole gist of a fuckboy as I described, she just applied it to her standards for consent. This dude doesn’t know anything about it, in her opinion. Thus, he’s a fuckboy about consent. Whether he is or isn’t, I don’t care. I’m just here explaining what a fuckboy is. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/31 "2015-10-29T23:58:34Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I think I saw this on an episode of _Legit._ I think you’re my favorite police officer. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/32 "2015-10-30T00:23:55Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > You don’t know what it means when someone “ain’t shit” or you don’t know what it means in the context of her quote? Because that’s basically the whole gist of a fuckboy as I described, she just applied it to her standards for consent. This dude doesn’t know anything about it, in her opinion. Thus, he’s a fuckboy about consent. Whether he is or isn’t, I don’t care. I’m just here explaining what a fuckboy is. Maybe, “He don’t know shit about consent”. But just saying “he ain’t shit (about whatever)” reads more like you’re saying he’s not legitimate or “not real” or nothing to be concerned with. ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/33 "2015-10-30T00:30:00Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Maybe, “He don’t know shit about consent”. But just saying “he ain’t shit (about whatever)” reads more like you’re saying he’s not legitimate or “not real” or nothing to be concerned with. Yes. It’s all of that really. He knows nothing and isn’t worth the time. I mean, it seems like you understand it pretty well? There’s not a lot of nuance to it, but I guess people here need it plainly (which is less fun for me). To sum up what I said initially: he ain’t shit, he knows nothing, talks about it, ain’t about it. He’s a fuckboy (to her). ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/34 "2015-10-30T00:35:17Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > Yes. It’s all of that really. He knows nothing and isn’t worth the time. I mean, it seems like you understand it pretty well? There’s not a lot of nuance to it, but I guess people here need it plainly (which is less fun for me). To sum up what I said initially: he ain’t shit, he knows nothing, talks about it, ain’t about it. He’s a fuckboy (to her). Okie dokie ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/35 "2015-10-30T00:42:10Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I thought we were both using the same form of English, sorry. Sigh. Someone asked what a slang term meant. I responded using some slang. You seemed confused initially, but further correspondence shows you understood. So I don’t think there’s really any problem here, except I could’ve elaborated a bit. That’s cool. I don’t know what’s happening here anymore? I hope more people are enlightened on what a “fuckboy” is in this context, though. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/36 "2015-10-30T00:42:26Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > While fuckboy can mean different things to different communities, I’m assuming she means that this dude ain’t shit (about consent). Regarding (her knowledge) about consent, he knows nothing. He talks, but ain’t about that life. He’s a fuckboy. I have no idea what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/37 "2015-10-30T00:43:46Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > He’s a fuckboy (to her). And she’s a crazy bitch (to everyone else). ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/38 "2015-10-30T00:45:27Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > You don’t know what it means when someone “ain’t shit” or you don’t know what it means in the context of her quote? Because that’s basically the whole gist of a fuckboy as I described, she just applied it to her standards for consent. This dude doesn’t know anything about it, in her opinion. Thus, he’s a fuckboy about consent. Whether he is or isn’t, I don’t care. I’m just here explaining what a fuckboy is. So…he’s a rapist? I mean, with consent, either you obtain it or you don’t… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/39 "2015-10-30T00:51:17Z")
> [@piepiepie](#): > > Sigh. Someone asked what a slang term meant. I responded using some slang. You seemed confused initially, but further correspondence shows you understood. So I don’t think there’s really any problem here, except I could’ve elaborated a bit. That’s cool. I don’t know what’s happening here anymore? I hope more people are enlightened on what a “fuckboy” is in this context, though. I’m familiar with slang, just not familiar with the way _you_ are using it. Saying “this dude ain’t shit (about consent)” does not mean he doesn’t know anything about consent, at least not in any terminology I’ve heard before. But I leave open the possibility that I’m wrong. ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111/40 "2015-10-30T01:24:13Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > So…he’s a rapist? I mean, with consent, either you obtain it or you don’t… I would guess she thinks he could potentially, maybe not be a rapist, but not be amenable or understanding to her level of consent. She just thinks of him as rather daft and a waste of time based on his opinions on that issue. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’m familiar with slang, just not familiar with the way _you_ are using it. Saying “this dude ain’t shit (about consent)” does not mean he doesn’t know anything about consent, at least not in any terminology I’ve heard before. But I leave open the possibility that I’m wrong. To be clear, because this is just what it is, a fuckboy is just some guy who isn’t anything special, meaning he isn’t shit, he knows nothing, he’s all bark no bite. Usually to describe a guy you might be talking to (thinking about dating or hooking up with), or maybe a bad friend, etc. This woman said a man she met was “a fuckboy about consent,” so that’s why, to break it down, he ain’t shit about consent. She don’t want to fuck with (associate or get to know) him because his thoughts on consent are dumb, to her. That’s it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anti-rape-activists-having-a-hard-time-dating/736111.md?page=3)