# Any advice on dating a single mom? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155 "2006-04-25T16:29:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/21 "2006-04-26T05:31:13Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > It’s pretty simple. You love them. If only it were that simple. When there are children and logistics of daily life as a single mother involved, it gets complicated. As well it should, because it’s not just your life and the woman’s life. It should be complicated, there should be guidelines and boundaries, and some thought should be put into it. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/22 "2006-04-26T05:50:27Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > If only it were that simple. When there are children and logistics of daily life as a single mother involved, it gets complicated. As well it should, because it’s not just your life and the woman’s life. > > It should be complicated, there should be guidelines and boundaries, and some thought should be put into it. Love covers that. My love doesn’t dissemble. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/23 "2006-04-26T06:14:26Z")
Well. Hmmmph. It does appeal to my sense of romance, though. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… SuperBoyfriend! I like it. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/24 "2006-04-26T06:50:28Z")
Well, I’m not too worried. I’ll see how things work out. I’ll definitely take your feedback into consideration (as a whole). ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/25 "2006-04-26T07:49:10Z")
I realize I’m jumping waaayyy ahead here but this is something that pisses me off about ex-step dads: (or boyfriends) Young kid gets into Moms boyfriend. Boyfriend takes kid in like one of his own. Years down the road things don’t work out between Boyfriend and Mom so Boyfriend just says “Fuck it! It’s not my kid” and completely blows them off. :rolleyes: When I married my ex-wife she had a 3yo son. I took him in as my own. 10years later, we’ve been divorced for five, but I still see my former step son on a regular basis. We still have that father son bond even tho’ SHE aint in the picture anymore. I can’t imagine for the life of me just blowing him off because my and my ex couldn’t see eye to eye. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/26 "2006-04-26T11:59:48Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I guess all I can do is be as laid back and patient as I can. Which isn’t too bad. In these kinds of matters, sometimes trying too hard is just as bad, if not worse, than not trying hard enough. A-men. When my nephew was 11 or so, his mother (my sister) briefly dated a guy who, on meeting “Brad”, told him, “I’m not trying to replace your dad…I hope we can be friends…I’d like to get to know you…” and so forth. I know this, because the guy told me afterwards in all seriousness, not understanding why Brad was so standoffish towards him following this encounter. Groan. In the first place, if he’d gotten to know Brad somewhat before launching into this pompous stump speech, he would have known that Brad’s issues were not with his dad, who had left the house when Brad was 2, and with whom he was still on good terms. The isses were with his abusive former stepdad. Beyond that, though, I can’t imagine any 11 y/o boy responding well to that approach. Not that you have to worry much about that with a 2 y/o, but it is something to remember. ---
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/27 "2006-04-26T15:00:48Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > **grayhairedmomma** , are you me in an alternate universe? Maybe, but you’re much more eloquent. 🙂 > [@Ludovic](#): > > But why would you want a relationship with someone who is creeped out about a tiny gift? I’d run from them anyway since if their creepometer is set off by something like that, who knows what they’d try to twist the situation into if things got ugly. It isn’t just the gift, it’s the timing. If you’ve never met my kid or only a few times, buying a gift without asking first raises an ugly question way too early in the relationship. What are your intentions with my kid? Raising that issue well before I have the information to trust that you don’t have any bad intentions towards my kid just poisons the whole relationship. You’re forcing me to be on guard more so than I typically would be and making me less comfortable in having my kid spend time with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/28 "2006-04-26T16:42:30Z")
I’d delay meeting the child for a good while, until you know you’re not going to be in and out of the picture fast. It doesn’t hurt to wait and it could hurt to jump in and jump out too hastily. My husband and I waited three months after we were sure we were serious before I introduced them to my children. My ex-husband, on the other hand, wings women in and out of their lives so fast their heads are spinning–and I’m seeing the consequences. :mad: My advice is to ask your friend how she’d like you to behave. Get feedback often. If you see things you’d like to comment on, hold your tongue and discuss them with her later. She’s the parent, you’re another adult and as such you deserve respect and input, but at this point the only say you have in the child is what she gives you permission to have. When you finally meet the child, be friendly but let the child decide at what pace she wants to get to know you. Hope that helps. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/29 "2006-04-26T17:31:58Z")
I would keep the ears perked up on this one. I have dated a single mom before and everything was cool and all at first, but out of nowhere, since I was the first guy that didn’t hit her or abuse her in some other way, I was placed as some sort of father figure for BOTH mom and daughter. Keep in mind that I had grown up with this woman more or less and I knew her very well. I never expected her to become that way (after a month.) You don’t have children (right?) so don’t put yourself in a situation that you would have to deal with someone else’s responsibilities. Not too soon, anyway. Hope it works out! ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/30 "2006-04-26T17:43:19Z")
Look under the armpit for the “sell by” stamp. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/31 "2006-04-27T01:19:05Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#): > > Look under the armpit for the “sell by” stamp. huh? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/32 "2006-04-27T01:27:39Z")
It was a silly reply to the question “how do you date a single mom”, you know like “how old is this box of cereal.” No offense meant. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2006, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155/33 "2006-04-27T02:07:57Z")
oh, oh I get it now 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-advice-on-dating-a-single-mom/354155.md?page=1)