# Any (classy) way to ask for cash as a wedding gift? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 8, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093 "2012-03-08T01:43:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/1 "2012-03-08T01:43:43Z")
The title says it all. Friends are getting married, in their 40s. They don’t need a new mixer or bowl. But they know they are going to get gifts, and the best option is cash so they can get what they would like. Is there any way to just say: “As a gift, we’d like cash?” ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/2 "2012-03-08T01:47:02Z")
No. Just say “we appreciate it but really don’t need gifts” and then deal gracefully with whatever gifts come in. But then I suspect I’m a bit of a stick in the mud in still finding it varying levels of obnoxious to be told what gift to give someone. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/3 "2012-03-08T01:57:29Z")
Tell your immediate family, and they’ll probably spread the word to people they know that are coming, or at least anyone that asks them for gift suggestions. Obviously not a perfect solution, but I don’t think there’s really any more blatant way that doesn’t come across as being crass. Various Asian weddings I’ve been to, the tradition is just for everyone to give cash. YMMV, but personally I prefer that to the US custom of giving a bunch of salad bowls. It helps the couple cover the cost of the wedding, and is generally more useful, especially if the couple still hasn’t “settled down” and is still living in a small temporary apartment or still finishing school. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/4 "2012-03-08T02:04:24Z")
YMMV but, at our wedding, everyone ignored the gift registry completely and gave cash except for one or two exceptions. I have a feeling people just lean towards cash as the easy, no-fuss option these days. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/5 "2012-03-08T02:13:59Z")
Make up a gift registry at a pawn shop? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/6 "2012-03-08T02:20:34Z")
> [@spifflog](#): > > The title says it all. Friends are getting married, in their 40s. They don’t need a new mixer or bowl. But they know they are going to get gifts, and the best option is cash so they can get what they would like. > > Is there any way to just say: “As a gift, we’d like cash?” They could just create a registry and put a bunch of gift cards with different denominations on it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/7 "2012-03-08T02:26:29Z")
> [@spifflog](#): > > The title says it all. Friends are getting married, in their 40s. They don’t need a new mixer or bowl. But they know they are going to get gifts, and the best option is cash so they can get what they would like. > > Is there any way to just say: “As a gift, we’d like cash?” We had the same question when we got married in our thirties (with two full households of stuff), and the answer was, “No.” We got lots of great gifts, and we also got a lot of cash. We didn’t want to register, either, since we didn’t need anything, but people want to buy you something, so you might as well register for stuff you’d actually like (we ended up receiving some very nice things from the registry, too). Subtly spreading the word to family that you don’t need anything would be okay; suggesting cash is crass. Assuming gifts at any time is crass. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/8 "2012-03-08T02:34:07Z")
I am extremely strange, and I find even gift registries to be an abomination. When I got married, I immediately moved overseas, and gifts were a problem. My mother was asked repeatedly by her friends, “Where is VOW registered?” Although my mother probably hinted that money would always be welcome, I told her to say this: “The only present I need is to have you help celebrate our marriage.” I still feel that way. For a couple in their forties who already have an established household, I would stress that response. “Come help us celebrate and share our happiness.” ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/9 "2012-03-08T02:38:28Z")
Unfortunately there’s no way to ask for cash without looking like a dick ☹ It be nice if the “rules” were different. You can’t go wrong with cash. I almost always give cash. Cash goooood. Cash makes that pretty cha-ching cash resgister sound that you just can’t get with a toaster. (I’m sick in bed and a little stoned on cough syrup, canyatell?) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/10 "2012-03-08T02:38:41Z")
“We’re registered at Citibank.” ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/11 "2012-03-08T03:05:20Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/12 "2012-03-08T03:11:10Z")
1. Start “charity,” say “Dihydrogen Monoxide Prevention Society” 2. Ask that people donate to your preferred charity 3. ??? 4. Profit! ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/13 "2012-03-08T03:11:11Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > “We’re registered at Citibank.” Ha–I was going to say U.S. Mint. I like the subtle word-of-mouth method mentioned above, I don’t think it’s possible to do anything more blatant/public. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/14 "2012-03-08T03:19:57Z")
Moved Cafe Society --\> IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![mister\_nyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@mister\_nyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_nyx)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/15 "2012-03-08T03:20:53Z")
There is no polite way to ask people to give you cash instead of a gift. The general assumption is that wedding gifts are the items a young couple needs to set up their household – hence registries ensuring that you only get the one asparagus cooker or stand mixer. Your friends likely don’t need conventional wedding gifts at all. They may freely ask people not to give gifts, or to give to a charity in lieu of gifts. They can’t ask for money instead, not without looking like assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/16 "2012-03-08T03:48:31Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > No. Agreed. There are many ways to ask for cash: money trees, sappy poems, etc. but none are classy. I would say nothing on the invitation and if pressed, state that the only present you are interested in is their presence. (Of course, at the actual event, it cannot hurt to have a small table in an out of the way place for those who simply must bring a blender to leave it.) ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/17 "2012-03-08T04:29:05Z")
No, but if your parents know they might mention it to people, but your job is to look surprised and excited at every gift and thank the giver profusely (in writing) telling him you didn’t expect anything, but the statue of Ben Franklin holdings kite is just perfect. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/18 "2012-03-08T04:39:14Z")
Actually there’s no classy way to mention an expectation of a gift at all ( **VOW** had it right). Unless the etiquette rules have changed (and it IS possible; I haven’t read Miss Manners in several years), it’s not even correct to put “No Gifts” on a wedding invitation. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/19 "2012-03-08T04:40:38Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > No, but if your parents know they might mention it to people, but your job is to look surprised and excited at every gift and thank the giver profusely (in writing) telling him you didn’t expect anything, but the statue of Ben Franklin holdings kite is just perfect. …and that a portrait of Benjamin holding a kite (just out of the frame) would have been lovely enough… ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093/20 "2012-03-08T04:50:06Z")
No, there isn’t, not without saying at the same time: 1. “I don’t think your taste or judgement is sufficient to pick me out a present I’d enjoy owning.” 2. “My affection for you isn’t strong enough to make a present you selected feel like an important possession to me.” 3. “Seeing a present selected by you in my home in the course of my daily life wouldn’t inspire me with any enjoyable memories of you or times we’ve shared together.” 4. “My desire for a particular commercial item that _I’ve_ selected, or even one that I haven’t selected yet but may develop a hankering for in the future, is much more important to me than cherishing thoughts of your affection and generosity towards me.” 5. “I don’t want my focus on acquiring the possessions that appeal to me to be diverted to thoughts of you or consideration of your feelings. My job here is to pick out stuff that _I_ want like a kid let loose in a candy store, and yours is to stand by unobtrusively and just provide the funds for my solitary shopping spree. Six months from now I won’t even remember whose cash I used to buy which thing I wanted.” Substitute “we/our” for “I/my” when it’s a bridal couple doing the cash scrounging. > [@mister nyx](#): > > They may freely ask people not to give gifts, or to give to a charity in lieu of gifts. They can’t ask for money instead, not without looking like assholes. No, the first part of this is wrong too. It is always ungracious to presume that people want to spend money on you and to take the initiative to instruct them about how (or whether) you want that money spent. You can create a charity bridal registry (e.g., at [JustGive.org](http://JustGive.org)) and mention it (or any more conventional bridal registry, for that matter) if and when somebody spontaneously **asks** you where you’re registered. If they don’t ask, you can’t tell. Likewise, you can’t take the initiative in asking for **no** gifts, either. Just keep saying “No actually, we don’t have a registry…no honestly, we have everything we need…no really, the only thing we want is for you to share our day with us.” But deliberately announcing “No, we don’t want any presents” is presumptuous, even if it seems non-greedy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-classy-way-to-ask-for-cash-as-a-wedding-gift/615093.md?page=2)