# Any dopers ever cook a turducken?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [May 31, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868 "2004-05-31T01:45:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/21 "2004-06-01T03:27:29Z")
I like the idea of a turducken, but it seems like there’s some wasted space inside that chicken. A quail would fit nicely in there. There’s not much room in a quail, so about the only bird you could stuff in there would be a hummingbird.
And after all that time soaking up the juices and spices and whatnot of the surrounding birds, that’s going to be one tasty hummingbird.
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/22 "2004-06-01T03:48:06Z")
Pish-tosh, **Duffer**. I said seafood, not aquarium chow. You want a fresh-water fish fest, make up your own. 😛
Now, **Askia** , you’re talking to a resident of the seaside town that _ **invented** _ the fried clam, so don’t you be gettin’ all hoity-toity yourself, matey. That’s my old grandad’s recipe, and if you don’t like it, well, I invite you to tell Gramps that to his face. Better duck fast, though – he swings a mean marlinspike. :eek:
Now, if’n I’d wrapped the scallops in quahogs (clams to the uninitiated), and stuffed the penguin with a sea otter stuffed with bluefish, etc., THEN it’d be time to break out the deep fryer. 😃
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### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/23 "2004-06-01T04:31:27Z")
**SteadyEddyTeddyFreddy** : Don’t let my current address fool you. I may be in Ohio now but I was reared near Charleston, SC. We lowcountry folk taught cajuns how shrimp gumbo’s done. I could tie off a hitch knot, flyhook, crab net and a life preserver before I could tie my shoes, and I worked my way through college at a fish shop selling catfish to Catholics on Fridays, Saturdays and Thanksgiving. I knows me some seafood. Respect that.
And no disrespect to your grandpappy, whom I’m sure is a fine gentleman when he’s not butchering God’s creations in a manner the Good Sainted Lord never intended, but any damned fool with three working taste buds can tell you that DEEP-FRIED stuffed whale-whale-orca-tuna-skate-seal-grouper-penguin-bluefish-scallops-mussels with lobster garnish is _hellaciously_ more rib-stickin’ than STEAMED stuffed whale-whale-orca-tuna-skate-seal-grouper-penguin-bluefish-scallops-mussels with lobster garnish (which I had the grave misfortune of orderin’ from this wide bottomed nurse at a seaport hospital in Norfolk once after a whaling mishap while I was convalescing, the details which I will not get into, but tell Senator Bob Dole I am still sorry about his hand, and anyway, your grandpappy’s concoction steamed and it gave me some awful runs.)
That’s my claim and I dares you to jump it.
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/24 "2004-06-01T05:00:31Z")
Fry, fry, fry. Is that all you know how to do, **Askia**? Why, I bet you fry oysters too. Instead of stuffing them into the crabs that you’d stuff into the scrod that you’d stuff into the pelican that you’d stuff into the swordfish that you’d stuff into the hammerhead shark that you’d stuff into the kraken, and braising them in 10 gallons of squid ink and a dash of Worcestershire sauce.
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### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/25 "2004-06-01T05:24:01Z")
YES, I can do other than fry, **EddyTeddyFreddy** , you smartass, you. I can griddle, sautee, simmer, flash heat, shake and bake, microwave bacon and employ a Chinese ‘stirring’ method using small amounts of oil in a heated round metal pan called a _wok_. Do I sound like a one trick pony to you?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to heat some soup before bed – after I spoon the soup in an hollowed-out hardboiled ostrich egg inside a giant meatball inside a paste of creamed spinach rolled in some breadcrumbs topped off with cheese stuffed in a baked casserole. Ha ha!
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/26 "2004-06-01T12:39:46Z")
So, **Askia** – is the soup Campbell’s cream of mushroom, or tomato? 😛
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### Author:  [@Skillet38](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skillet38)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/27 "2004-06-01T13:57:39Z")
I’m in Louisiana. Here you can buy them already prepared and ready to cook under the Tony Chachere name brand.
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/28 "2004-06-01T14:09:23Z")
> [@Kaspar Hauser](#):
>
> I would never eat anything whose name contains “turd.”.
I have similar reservations about eating [Otis Spunkmeyer](http://www.spunkmeyer.com/) cookies.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/29 "2004-06-01T14:10:52Z")
_Cowpibbit… it’s what’s for dinner._
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### Author:  [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/30 "2004-06-01T15:14:40Z")
No offense to the salty old seacooks in this thread, but the treat we landlubbin’ prairie cooks like to prepare at the dude ranch is as follows:
a goat stuffed in a sheep stuffed in a pig stuffed in a cow. A Gosheepicow. Yummy!
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### Author:  [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/31 "2004-06-01T16:51:29Z")
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> Well, if you’re looking to feed a couple more people and are up for a bit more of a challenge, [you can always graduate to this recipe.](http://bertc.com/wholecamel.htm)
I like how the recipe says it “Serves friendly crowd of 80-100.” Would that mean it serves a larger hostile crowd, or a smaller one? How about an indifferent but hungry crowd?
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/32 "2004-06-01T18:50:12Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#):
>
> No offense to the salty old seacooks in this thread, but the treat we landlubbin’ prairie cooks like to prepare at the dude ranch is as follows:
>
> a goat stuffed in a sheep stuffed in a pig stuffed in a cow. A Gosheepicow. Yummy!
But… but don’t you stuff the goat with a rabbit stuffed with a prairie dog stuffed with a ground squirrel stuffed with a chipmunk?
A chipsquiprairagosheepicow!
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/33 "2004-06-01T19:20:30Z")
Sorry, but I just couldn’t get past the name.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/34 "2004-06-01T19:53:55Z")
No kidding. It sounds more like a physical reaction than something you’d eat.
“Hey, if y’all don’t want no shit on you ya’ better be turducken.”
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/35 "2004-06-01T20:00:04Z")
> [@Askia](#):
>
> stuffed whale-whale-orca-tuna-skate-seal-grouper-penguin-bluefish-scallops-mussels with lobster garnish
And if you’re feeding a whole bunch of people, you can shove the whole lot up an Elder God’s ass.
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### Author:  [@acaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acaos)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/36 "2004-06-01T20:20:29Z")
> [@astro](#):
>
> Any dopers ever cook a [turducken](http://www.thesalmons.org/lynn/turducken.html). How did you like it?
I got a Breast of Turducken last year for Christmas from [Cajun Specialty Meats](http://www.cajunspecialtymeats.com/).
It was very good. It didn’t take that long to cook either (just a few hours), and fed about six. I think the smaller size had a lot to do with how well it came out - I can’t imagine cooking a full-size one.
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### Author:  [@DaddyTimesTwo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaddyTimesTwo)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/37 "2004-06-01T21:09:00Z")
Hats off to **Askia** and **EddyTeddyFreddy** , with a thanks to **Number Six** for starting the ball rolling. Aside from giving me a good laugh, you folks have gotten me hungry.
I have never cooked nor ever eaten a turducken. I’d certainly be for buying one and trying it out, but the prep work sounds like too much for me. Or my adventurous-in-the-kitchen wife. At least _I_ think it sounds like too much work for her.
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 1, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/38 "2004-06-01T21:55:36Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#):
>
> But… but don’t you stuff the goat with a rabbit stuffed with a prairie dog stuffed with a ground squirrel stuffed with a chipmunk?
>
> A chipsquiprairagosheepicow!
:smack: ACK! How could I forget the buffalo! :smack:
A chipsquiprairagosheepicowalo – now, THAT’S some mighty fine eatin’, podner.
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### Author:  [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/39 "2004-06-02T13:19:41Z")
I suppose some of you Fancy Dans might wanna spice up your meal with a few extry ingredients, like field mouse, or ground squirrel or such rot. And, I suppose what you really wanted to do there, mr. EddyTeddyFreddy, if that is yer real name, is stuff the whole kit ‘n caboodle in a full grown, adult male _bison_. But I’m tellin’ you, we had a fella back in aught two, he tried to do somethin’ like this cuz we had the Guvner stayin’ over at the dude ranch, and that important personage had a hankerin’ for somethin’ really fancy like. Well, it weren’t no time at all afore this late lamented prairie cook discovered that all that stuffin’ and preparin’ and stuffin’ and whatnot were so time conumin’, by the time the Guvner’s stay was done, the whole fancy mess tweren’t more than one third cooked through. Takes a powerful long time to cook a Fieldchipsquirprairagosheepicowison, not to mention prepare it for the cook fire. I doesn’t recommend you ever commence to try.
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/40 "2004-06-02T14:25:43Z")
Well, not exactly, **Rufus Xavier**. I admit, the field mouse is a nice touch, although I reckon you could stuff that with a new-hatched rattlesnake. But when I say buffalo, I mean _buffalo_ – I figgered a nice juicy imported water buffalo would add a little spicy zing to the whole shebang. Plus the guests wouldn’t be pickin’ all that rough curly hump-hair out’n their teeth for the next week.
Oh, and it’s **_MIZ_ EddyTeddyFreddy** to you, buster.
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