# Any dopers ever cook a turducken?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [May 31, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868 "2004-05-31T01:45:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/41 "2004-06-02T14:46:47Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#):
>
> Well, not exactly, **Rufus Xavier**. I admit, the field mouse is a nice touch, although I reckon you could stuff that with a new-hatched rattlesnake. But when I say buffalo, I mean _buffalo_ – I figgered a nice juicy imported water buffalo would add a little spicy zing to the whole shebang. Plus the guests wouldn’t be pickin’ all that rough curly hump-hair out’n their teeth for the next week.
>
> Oh, and it’s **_MIZ_ EddyTeddyFreddy** to you, buster.
You’re of the ovarian persuasion Ed?
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### Author:  [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/42 "2004-06-02T14:52:20Z")
:o
_doffs his hat_
Pardon me, ma’am.
_slinks away_
:smack:
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/43 "2004-06-02T15:16:07Z")
> [@astro](#):
>
> You’re of the ovarian persuasion Ed?
As far as I know. Looked like it, last time I checked. The real-life [EddyTeddyFreddy](http://community.webshots.com/photo/782975/784357) are male (altered), orange, and feline. I am only one of those things, although a dear companion of mine is, well, [sorta orange](http://community.webshots.com/photo/735286/128041607qXSSvk).
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/44 "2004-06-02T15:39:37Z")
Merciful heavens Miz Ed – how many cats do you have?! Seems they could provide _all_ your stuffin’ needs.
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### Author:  [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/45 "2004-06-02T16:31:52Z")
> [@cmkeller](#):
>
> I like how the recipe says it “Serves friendly crowd of 80-100.” Would that mean it serves a larger hostile crowd, or a smaller one? How about an indifferent but hungry crowd?
I think the friendly crowd would **become** hostile as soon as it found out what you were making for dinner.
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/46 "2004-06-02T16:45:23Z")
> [@Ellen Cherry](#):
>
> Merciful heavens Miz Ed – how many cats do you have?! Seems they could provide _all_ your stuffin’ needs.
Seven at the moment, although I have been [higher than that](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=233989). I’ve recently begun the process of rehoming Serena as a barn cat since she’s originally a feral and after two and a half years is still only partially socialized to humans. Two and a half years of her hissing and pissing as she wills is too much, even for me.
I did contemplate stuffing her into the nearest wild dingo, but hauling her all the way to the Antipodes seemed like overkill.
By the way, how far are you from the Bluegrass area? Are Thoroughbreds popular in your area, or [Quarter Horses](http://community.webshots.com/photo/735286/128044052qFdlZC)? Or Saddlebreds, Walking Horses, Foxtrotters, and other such gaited breeds?
Don’t NOBODY even try to suggest a horse being stuffed with anything but hay, grain, grass, and carrots. Well, okay, maybe an apple.
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### Author:  [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/47 "2004-06-02T16:48:01Z")
I ordered mine from a place in Louisiana two Christmases ago, and the damn thing went over like a lead balloon.
Once upon a time, I fancied myself a cook, but when I read the directions for that sumbitch I got to thinking about bestiality for some strange reason. (I mean what _reason_ do those three fowl have for being inside each other, and what sick bastard dreamed _up_ this recipe?) 😉
Well, I talked about it at work, and the nurses thought it would make a great holiday meal, but I guess they musta thought about it, and the reality of what they were gonna eat overcame the novelty of it?
As a result they went for the ham , the normal (unviolated) turkey and the chicken and dressin’.
Never again will the German boy try to be a mail-order gourmet! The duck was especially tough, and I would up eating the whole god-damn thing! 😃
Q
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### Author:  [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/48 "2004-06-02T18:51:53Z")
> [@Askia](#):
>
> You ain’t lived till you had roast gazrhinophant.
I don’t mean to be nitpicky, but if a chicken-in-a-duck-in-a-turkey is a turducken, then shouldn’t a gazelle-in-a-rhino-in-an-elephant be a **elephrhinozelle**?
Okay, I _do_ mean to be nitpicky.
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### Author:  [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/49 "2004-06-02T18:53:14Z")
Excuse me, I mean _an_ elephrhinozelle.
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### Author:  [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/50 "2004-06-02T18:54:31Z")
Just one question…
What’s the _@#!$^%_ POINT?!?!
Just Nuke Me a Frozen Dinner,
Patty
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### Author:  [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/51 "2004-06-02T19:24:24Z")
> [@ForgottenLore](#):
>
> Excuse me, I mean _an_ elephrhinozelle.
Nope. Still wrong. It’s an elephinozelle.
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### Author:  [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/52 "2004-06-02T20:01:40Z")
> [@paperbakwriter](#):
>
> Nope. Still wrong. It’s an elephinozelle.
No no no, that word looks way too confusing. Setting aside the zelle, the prefix “elephino” would translate as “little elephantine one”, which is self-contradictory. “Elephrhino,” on the other hand, just seems to be making reference to an enormous nose. Much more pleasing to the eye. 😛
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### Author:  [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/53 "2004-06-02T20:04:21Z")
Grrr. My apologies, **paperbackwriter** , for omitting the “c” from your name. I preview and preview and _still_ I screw up. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/54 "2004-06-02T20:30:12Z")
Only here would such nits be picked.
Quoth **EddyTeddyFreddy** :
> [@](#):
>
> By the way, how far are you from the Bluegrass area? Are Thoroughbreds popular in your area, or Quarter Horses? Or Saddlebreds, Walking Horses, Foxtrotters, and other such gaited breeds?
In the very heart of all of the above. We enjoyed the filming of Seabiscuit here a couple years ago at [Calumet Farm](http://www.calumetfarm.com/), among other places. [Keeneland Race Course](http://www.keeneland.com/) is a pretty place to see thoroughbreds and [Shelbyville](http://www.shelbyvilleky.com/attract.html) is the “Saddlebred Capital of the World.” So yes, I see the ponies occasionally. And occasionally, [write about them too](http://www.ket.org/kentuckylife/1000s/kylife1009.html#horses).
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### Author:  [@International\_Playboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/International_Playboy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/55 "2004-06-02T20:40:16Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#):
>
> what sick bastard dreamed _up_ this recipe?) 😉
I think it was [Chef Paul Prudhomme](http://www.chefpaul.com/turducken.html).
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/56 "2004-06-02T20:48:36Z")
> [@ForgottenLore](#):
>
> No no no, that word looks way too confusing. Setting aside the zelle, the prefix “elephino” would translate as “little elephantine one”, which is self-contradictory. “Elephrhino,” on the other hand, just seems to be making reference to an enormous nose. Much more pleasing to the eye. 😛
No, no, no! It’s “elerhinozelle” – far more pleasing aesthetically, don’t you think?
Of course, if you want to expand the menu, how about stuffing your elephant with a rhinoceros stuffed with a hippopotamus stuffed with a wildebeest stuffed with a zebra stuffed with a gazelle stuffed with a baboon stuffed with some dik-diks?
An elerhinohippowildezegabadik – YUM.
**Ellen Cherry** , how cool to be in the heart of the Bluegrass! I’ve only been in Kentucky once, and that was driving through at night, so I never got to see the countryside. Someday I’d love to take a vacation there and see all the equine sites.
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### Author:  [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/57 "2004-06-02T21:17:27Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#):
>
> No, no, no! It’s “elerhinozelle” – far more pleasing aesthetically, don’t you think?
Ugh, I’ve been bested. I bow to your superior wordcoinery.
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### Author:  [@Cobalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cobalt)
#### Post date: [June 3, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/58 "2004-06-03T02:20:49Z")
> [@Marvel](#):
>
> Just Nuke Me a Frozen Dinner
🙂 I second the motion!
I will admit to **enjoying** well-prepared food, but I almost never consider it worth taking the time to actually prepare it **myself**. If it weren’t for **ENugent** ’s cooking, I’d probably still be the microwave king I was in college…
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### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [June 3, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/59 "2004-06-03T02:46:57Z")
> [@ForgottenLore](#):
>
> I don’t mean to be nitpicky, but if a chicken-in-a-duck-in-a-turkey is a turducken, then shouldn’t a gazelle-in-a-rhino-in-an-elephant be a **elephrhinozelle**?
I’m so glad you asked that question.
This very topic sparked a heated 15 day closed door debate at the 1974 International Restarauntuers Nomenclature Committee Meeting On The Naming Of Foodstuffs Stuffed With Other Foodstuffs, and is still a sore point to the delegates of international chefs in attendance who remembered the melee to follow. The French, alas, mocked the proceedings from the beginning as “an exercise oin the jejune” consensus was: poultry coinages are abbreviated and named in reverse order of the stuffings; large bodied mammals may be arranged in a more straightforward fashion; simple predator / prey dishes would be forenamed by the dominate animal in the dish. Cannibal dishes would remain in two categories: endocannibalistic dishes be uniformly known (i.e. , but xenocannibalstic dishes instead be left in the indigenous tongues of local tribal chefs.
The so-called ‘improvements’ suggested by the other posters may be taken as they plainly are: the deluded natterings of culinary amateurs who fancy themselves masters of the craft, yet who’ve never even stuffed a deviled egg white properly, let alone African omnivores.
Elerhinozelle. My ass. (The one on my backside, not the one I’m about to stuff.)
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [June 3, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-dopers-ever-cook-a-turducken/247868/60 "2004-06-03T02:58:05Z")
Oh, yeh? Well, you can take your garhinophant and stuff it where the microwave don’t shine! 😛
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