# Any double standards you stand behind? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598 "2011-01-22T20:49:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/21 "2011-01-23T17:28:37Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I stand behind men enforcing a double standard of the acceptability of sexual promiscuity. Only a complete loser isn’t more concerned with the sexual history / health of the person they’re fucking than the guys they hang out with. > > This isn’t part of the double standard, but I think about 90% of all the times somebody was chastising a woman for being slutty, it’s been another woman anyway. So I don`t accept that men play much of a role in continuing that double standard in the first place. But every time I’ve known a guy who would be interested in a woman, but had reservations because of promiscuity, the guy has always been worried about possibly getting a disease. Good for him, I say. But why a double standard then? Wouldn’t that be the same standard for anyone who doesn’t want to get a sexual disease? Besides, I think it’s more likely for a woman to get an STI from a man than vice versa, so if anything it makes more sense for a woman to be more concerned about a guy’s sexual history/health. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/22 "2011-01-23T17:50:31Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And for those of you who think there’s nothing wrong with a female teacher having sex with her male student: When I was 13, I (male) had a huge crush on my (male) math teacher. Years later I found out that he was in fact gay. How would you feel if something had actually happened between us? I probably wouldn’t have cared. But the real question is, how old was the math teacher? Was he in his early 20s? Or was he approaching 50? Because one is a lot more of an “adult” than the other. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/23 "2011-01-23T18:10:19Z")
Although far be it for me to wonder what the sexual desires of teenage gay boys are, I would say that pederasty has a long and distinguished history in parts of the world **Panache45**. Teenage boys screwing their female teachers is an fairly common fantasy, but very very rare generally. Which is why I think people are less squicked by it, although it can be of the same level of damage. Though a teenage boy (and this of course will vary by case and does not consider phycological holds and pressures) can physically at least protect himself better against an adult female teacher then a male. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/24 "2011-01-23T18:22:14Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > But why a double standard then? Wouldn’t that be the same standard for anyone who doesn’t want to get a sexual disease? Women should have the same standards as men. If we’re worried about someone spreading an STI we shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with them. But I’m always going to be a heterosexual man, and I’m only ever going to be concerned about the sexual health of women I’m thinking of sleeping with. So my double standard is that I don’t care how many people men have slept with because it has no impact on me, which I ‘stand behind’. So if there are women out there (and there seem to be a lot of them) that accept men who’ve been with tons of guys and for some reason care about other women sleeping around, that’s a different double standard and I think it’s a bad one. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/25 "2011-01-23T18:30:02Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Ultimately, it’s about morality (and insecurity). Otherwise, as long as a woman could show proof of being disease-free, her numbers would not be a liability. But that isn’t the case; she’ll still be looked at as dirty while a man with ten times her number will not. You can say that all you want but the exact opposite is true of me and all my friends. Maybe we’re a little more enlightened than the typical guys. > [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > A lot of guys may say they care about getting diseases from a “slut”, but when you probe deeper, you see that most times health has little to do with it. Never, in my experience. Although I don’t really probe people all that often. We’ve talked about it a fair amount, but not every time, and it’s always been about health concerns. Honestly it’s usually like “man I **really** want to sleep with her but I’m just scared I’ll get herpes!” ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/26 "2011-01-23T19:21:26Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > You can say that all you want but the exact opposite is true of me and all my friends. Maybe we’re a little more enlightened than the typical guys. I think you are wrongly extrapolating the opinions of you and your friends to society, and at the same time ignoring the historical origins of the double standard. There are plenty of guys with whore-madonna complexes. These are guys that expect to marry a virgin or a woman who is pretty damn close to it, but have long lost count of their own conquests. And I’m pretty confident that their hangups about women’s sexual behavior have little to do with fear of STDs. If they were so afraid of that, then why would they be so promiscuous themselves? The answer is simple: they put women into two piles: the ones the marry and the ones they fuck. The marriable ones need to be near-virginal. The ones they fuck can be sluts. I think this mindset is falling out of favor definitely, but it’s still there. I almost dated a textbook case of one. And there’s nothing defensible about it. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/27 "2011-01-23T19:28:56Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Of course we should and I never said we shouldn’t. Well, this is a thread about double standards, not merely non-mainstream opinions. Several posters now have come out in favor of the idea of teachers having sex with underage boys, but that’s not a double standard unless one also believes that teachers _shouldn’t_ be having sex with underage _girls_. I guess **Shakes** at least does feel that way or he wouldn’t have called his opinion a double standard, but so far he hasn’t explained why he thinks male and female teachers should be held to different standards when it comes to sex with underage students. Or, looking back at the OP, is the double standard that it’s only okay for teachers to have sex with their underage students when the teacher is hot, but when the teacher is ugly it should still be a crime? ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/28 "2011-01-23T19:35:03Z")
I freely admit that my uneasiness about countries like Russia and China doing some of the same stuff we (Americans) routinely do, ie: Establish bases in other countries, operate near our borders or in regions we are invested in, directly intervene in countries the other side is backing, etc. is based on a double standard. I’m even aware of how other countries look at it when we do such things, and how it’s not always welcome. I still feel less uneasy when I hear that we’re helping train and equip the Polish military than I do when I hear about Russian bombers and subs popping up near our own shores. What can I say? I’m a nationalist at heart. I’m fully aware of the potential downsides of blind followership too, of course. I think the British need to stop spelling their words with extraneous vowels. And yes, I’m aware that they had the language first. We just corrected it. 😃 Also, I think that, for a variety of reasons, teachers should never engage in relationships with their students. Especially students below the age of consent. And I had a teacher my junior year of high school I would have totally loved to get “private tutoring” from. Hell, now that I’m in my 20’s, and she’s probably into her 30’s, I still wouldn’t mind getting some private tutoring from her. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/29 "2011-01-23T19:42:18Z")
I am a former high-school teacher, and while I have no way of proving it, from the cases that I have watched, (especially here in Utah where there was a rash of female teachers caught having sex with 13 and 14 year old male students over the past couple of years) if the teacher was fit and attractive, their punishment was usually MUCH less severe that the fat, unattractive (in a couple of cases pig-ugly) teachers that were caught, who tended to have the book thrown at them. One thing that really stood out was when an older male judge, in front of his packed courtroom, told the pretty teacher who was being sentenced for having sex with a 14 year old male student, “If you were a man who did this to a female student, I would throw you in prison for life.” as he let her off on probation…:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/30 "2011-01-23T20:07:58Z")
I did in fact get “private tutoring” from a teacher, but unfortunately 10 years too late Would it have hurt me then (I was 14), err no I think I would have been able to handle it. Yeah double standard. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/31 "2011-01-23T20:12:50Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Women should have the same standards as men. If we’re worried about someone spreading an STI we shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with them. > > But I’m always going to be a heterosexual man, and I’m only ever going to be concerned about the sexual health of women I’m thinking of sleeping with. So my double standard is that I don’t care how many people men have slept with because it has no impact on me, which I ‘stand behind’. That isn’t a double standard at all. You’re trying to make it sound like a double standard by phrasing it “I care about how many men a woman has slept with but I don’t care about how many women a man has slept with because I’m not going to be sleeping with men.” But you could just as easily phrase it “I care about how many people a _potential partner_ has slept with” and suddenly it isn’t a double standard at all. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/32 "2011-01-23T20:46:46Z")
Men opening doors for women. That way we all know who needs to take two fast last steps to hold the door open for the other. ---
**Author:** ![Carmady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f04885/32.png) [@Carmady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carmady)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/33 "2011-01-24T01:32:44Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I stand behind men enforcing a double standard of the acceptability of sexual promiscuity. I agree. Hypothetically, suppose: 1. Men in general prefer women who have had fewer partners (while untrue, there is some truth to this for long term relationships). 2. Women in general prefer men who have had more partners (this is somewhat true, you don’t ever hear of male virgins being considered desirable). Each of these is a fair preference. The “double standard” is really just that men and women have _different_ standards. But does it make sense to try to force women to desire inexperienced men in order to change the “double standard”? Of course not. Neither does it make sense to argue that men “shouldn’t” have any preference for less experienced women. ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/34 "2011-01-24T03:28:00Z")
Let’s start another one. No women on the front lines of combat. Female soldiers as a rule do not have the physical strength of male soldiers. Male soldiers start trying to protect the females and the team cohesion breaks down. When captured, females can be raped. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/35 "2011-01-24T03:40:52Z")
"When captured, females can be raped. Lawrence of Arabia has news for you. Otara ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/36 "2011-01-24T05:15:12Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > I am a middle aged adult so I have mature judgement. > > And I STILL would have loved banging a hot, adult woman when I was fourteen, or for that matter twelve. > > Actually at that age I’d have made do with a not so hot adult woman. My one year old son would love to explore the cabinet where we keep the cleaning supplies. It looks so interesting! But he have to prevent him from doing things he’s not mature enough to know not to do. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/37 "2011-01-25T18:06:37Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > My one year old son would love to explore the cabinet where we keep the cleaning supplies. It looks so interesting! But he have to prevent him from doing things he’s not mature enough to know not to do. I gave up exploring cleaning cupboards many, many years ago, but I still enjoy banging hot, and not so hot women as a mature adult. As do many, many other men. So are we all immature ? I don’t think so. Maybe your son will grow into adulthood enjoying rooting around in cleaning cupboards, but not enjoy sex . Who knows ? ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/38 "2011-01-25T18:25:41Z")
I personally doubt I’d be very happy if I found my 14-year-old hypothetical son was banging a teacher, but I don’t really think the male/female student divide is such a double standard either. At least, not until someone figures out a way for a male student to get pregnant. I’d expect a female teacher to at least have some clue about how to avoid getting knocked up by one of her students, and less likely to insist on trying to make the teenage boy paying child support if she does. A 15-year-old girl is less likely to be taking sensible precautions- yes, the male teacher could well insist on the use of contraception, but as they’re hardly displaying immaculate judgement. I wouldn’t count on it. The act is not equivalent, as the potential consequences for the most vulnerable partner are different. By the way, I know it has been pointed out, but on the profiling of grannies and little kids, I know damn well my grandfather used to smuggle cigars back from holiday in my mum’s bag when she was tiny, knowing full well that her bag was much less likely to be searched. She found them in there once. It really would not be a big step for someone willing to blow themselves up to set up a toddler-bomb, and stopping doing any searches on kids is more likely to make it happen. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/39 "2011-01-25T18:25:57Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think it’s ok for black people to say “nigger,” but not for white people. [My take on why this isn’t a double standard.](http://zyada.livejournal.com/438916.html) ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598/40 "2011-01-25T19:05:58Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > There are plenty of girls who have mad crushes on teachers and would happily sleep with them too, you know. How the student _feels_ about the prospect really has nothing to do with whether they’re mature enough to deal with the consequences, and I have a hard time believing that teenaged boys are any readier than girls in this respect. I have to say, luck of genetics I guess, there are no consequences. He’s probably jerking off anyways so might as well put it in someone. If there are consequences, SHE’LL be the one to deal with the pregnancy and statutory rape charges. He’ll just get to brag to all his friends [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-double-standards-you-stand-behind/568598.md?page=3)