# Any folks prefer living alone vs. being married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979 "2013-06-26T18:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/21 "2013-06-26T23:54:12Z")
If I had to get married, I think I’d only be able to survive if we lived in separate spaces. Like if we shared a duplex or lived in adjacent apartments. Close enough to share meals together and get together whenever we want, but with enough physical separation so that we can still have own our lives. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/22 "2013-06-27T00:00:38Z")
After 19 years of living with someone, including being married for 17 years, I am recently separated. My God living alone is pure bliss. If I take a day off work, for whatever reason, I have no one to answer to. No supper to make. No chores to do unless I specifically want and need them done, and no guilt complex for sleeping in late or going to bed early. Last night I ate supper at like 8:00, and it was a big Greek salad that I whipped up in 10 minutes. It’s actually the first time in my life I bought feta cheese. I’ve only been at this for 3 months now, but the freedom is exhilarating. I may change my tune in a few years, but not for now. For now I’m very happy answering to no one but me. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/23 "2013-06-27T00:17:28Z")
My husband is a cool guy, so it’s not like I yearn to break up with him, but living alone was awesome. I loved being able to do things my way, never worrying about what anyone else wanted or how they like to do things. I have many fond memories of relaxing at home in my apartment alone. I am an introvert, and I relished the solitude and privacy I used to have in my apartment. This is really the only downside I see to living alone: All those stories about people who lived alone dying in their apartment and nobody discovers their corpse for a long time. At least it’s nice to know that if I were to die right now, my husband would find my body before the cats started to feast on it. Honestly, I tend to think that after a certain age most people really shouldn’t live alone because of the danger of having a medical problem and not being able to get to help. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/24 "2013-06-27T00:42:47Z")
I’m in my 30s now and, aside from roommates in the dorms my first two years in college and summers at home with my family during college, have lived alone my entire adult life. I’ve never been married so I can’t compare the experiences, but if I didn’t like living alone I could easily have gotten a roommate. But I’d rather not. I actually never had any serious problems with my two college roommates, and I even managed to pull off the tricky “becoming roommates with one of your best friends” situation without it blowing up in our faces. So it’s not like bad experiences have put me off of sharing a living space, I just like to have a fair amount of time by myself every day. I have to spent a lot of time at work helping people and listening to others talk, so it’s good to get a break from all that. I do sometimes think it would be nice to have a roommate or SO who loved cooking, because I hate cooking. So if I lived with someone who thought cooking was fun then we’d both be happy. But I figure that’s why restaurants were invented, so people who don’t like cooking wouldn’t have to do it. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/25 "2013-06-27T01:03:26Z")
I didn’t get married until relatively late – I was 44 years old. So I lived alone for a long, long time. It has its advantages, as people here have pointed out, but boy I got tired of it. Mainly because, frankly, after so many years alone I was very lonely. Now I’m married and while it is a bit annoying sometimes to have to consider another person in the household, I just think about all those years when I didn’t have anybody at all to talk to in the evenings and I just smile. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/26 "2013-06-27T01:08:36Z")
I always say that my perfect husband would be a long-distance trucker. Gone all the time yet still pays the bills. Perfect! ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/27 "2013-06-27T01:11:38Z")
Not only do I live alone. I don’t allow anyone else in my home. Me and the dog, that’s it. If you want to see me we can meet up at a Diner or someplace. I’ll come to your place no problem. But you ain’t coming here. I’ve been married and I’ve had room mates. Both male and female. I’ve lived in barracks with 50 other guys. I can live with other people but why if you don’t have to. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/28 "2013-06-27T01:12:00Z")
It would be nice to be married and live happily ever after, but I’m not sure how to make that happen. I would much, much, much prefer to be living alone to living with someone in a crappy relationship - hence my current spinster status. I have lived with other people in my life,at various times, as a house-mate and as part of a couple, and have liked it with some and hated it with others. At this point in my life, I’m pretty used to living alone and I’m not sure I would want anyone to intrude in my precious alone time. Perhaps if they were more domestically inclined than I am and were willing to keep things tidy, I might consider it, otherwise, I’m pretty happy living with just me and the mutts and the annoying cat and not having to worry about anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/29 "2013-06-27T01:22:22Z")
> [@Glazer](#): > > Not only do I live alone. I don’t allow anyone else in my home. Me and the dog, that’s it. If you want to see me we can meet up at a Diner or someplace. I’ll come to your place no problem. But you ain’t coming here. Are you a hoarder? I’m mostly joking but, jeez, seems harsh. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/30 "2013-06-27T01:50:43Z")
Not speaking for **Glazer** , but first degree squalor describes my housekeeping style, and I prefer to not have strangers see inside my house. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/31 "2013-06-27T01:51:19Z")
In a purely practical sense, there are obviously pros and cons to each situation. Living with someone with whom you have a good relationship - be they a roommate, family or a romantic partner - can be nice when you need help with something - you already have someone right there to help. I know I couldn’t live in the nice house with the nice land I am in right now with my husband if he weren’t here - I simply would be physically and financially unable to keep the place up. I’ve seen what happens to widowed and divorced women who simply don’t have the wherewithal to keep up the family home, and allow it to fall down around their ears (often while denying it’s happening) - I’d never want to be that person. On the other hand, living alone also has its advantages - no compromises, no one to answer to, etc. I’ve enjoyed living in both situations so it would be hard for me to say which I like(d) best. I am lucky in that when I’ve lived with other folks we’ve gotten along well for the most part. I think probably the worst of all is having to live with someone you detest, resent - etc. - again it doesn’t matter if they are a roommate, a family member or a romantic partner. Stress and strife is always unpleasant and living alone would be much preferable to having to walk on eggshells or negotiate a minefield around someone with whom you are having frequent conflict. Home should be a place of refuge. If I didn’t have that, I’d sure as shit change it. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/32 "2013-06-27T02:13:13Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > Gawd no! I am back with the previous girlfriend who lives in another state and couldn’t move here because of her kids. That and she didn’t seem to be exciting enough at the time we broke up, but I am rethinking my need for excitement these days. 🙂 Hmm…my psycho ex doesn’t think I’m spontaneous enough, maybe I should stab him and then he’ll think I’m exciting. I don’t want to get back with him, but he does need stabbing. I would say maybe he’d leave me alone after that, but the truth is he probably still wouldn’t. I think he wants the type of relationship where you stab each other every now and again. > [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I always say that my perfect husband would be a long-distance trucker. Gone all the time yet still pays the bills. Perfect! My grandpa was a fireman, he worked 48 hours on, 48 hours off. My grandma loved it. I want one. Also because, fireman, come on. > [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Are you a hoarder? I’m mostly joking but, jeez, seems harsh. Yeah, that really doesn’t seem very healthy. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/33 "2013-06-27T02:19:03Z")
It seems to me that asking “Would you rather be alone than be in a mediocre marriage?” is kind of softballing the question. Of course many people would prefer that. More interesting, I think, is "Would you rather be alone than in any marriage–is there anyone for whom there simply is no “ideal” relationship and solitude is always to be preferred? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/34 "2013-06-27T02:20:33Z")
The key to living alone is the be content with yourself, and not feel that you can’t or don’t exist without the presence of others. If I was to get into another move-in relationship, it would be great. But I would need a much larger space so I could have my own rooms to retreat to, and a woman independent enough to not be threatened by it. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/35 "2013-06-27T02:43:15Z")
Eh? I’ve lived alone most of my adult life. I’ve never been married so I don’t know which I’d prefer, but given how many marriages I’ve seen/read turn to shit, I’m not in any hurry to try it for myself. plus, I don’t ever (_ever_) want kids so that means I’m pretty low on the desirability scale. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/36 "2013-06-27T03:01:59Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Okay, don’t tell the wife, but I love it. Just me and the dog. When I get home I don’t have to worry about when she wants dinner, what she wants, what she wants to do, etc. If I want to spend 4 hours in the garage tinkering with my motorcycle, no one judges me. Lucy the dog lays under the bike, perfectly happy to be with me, even if it is in the garage. Shhh! Oh, I well remember that wonderful feeling of freedom post-separation. It’s been five years now and… . . . . . . I STILL LOVE IT! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/37 "2013-06-27T03:14:18Z")
> [@](#): > > **Any folks prefer living alone vs. being married?** Me. [ul] [li]I just _like_ being alone most of the time. It relaxes me.[/li] [li]I like doing things my way at home and don’t want to compromise. On the other hand, I’d feel guilty about trampling over someone else to get my way.[/li] [li]I neither have nor want children.[/li] [li]I just don’t have much _desire_ for a permanent relationship, so there’s not much reason for me to try to overcome those other factors.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/38 "2013-06-27T03:18:10Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Are you a hoarder? I’m mostly joking but, jeez, seems harsh. No as a matter of fact my place is pretty sparse. My living room has one chair in front of my big screen that I use as a monitor. A side table to hold my drink. And a couple of bookshelves. My bed room has a mattress on the floor. And a bunch of tools. I also spend most of my time at work alone or in a strangers house. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/39 "2013-06-27T03:35:55Z")
So why can’t people come over then? ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/40 "2013-06-27T03:41:53Z")
It’s my place to get away. My sanctuary. And I have no facilities to offer hospitality. Not even an extra chair. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979.md?page=3)