# Any folks prefer living alone vs. being married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979 "2013-06-26T18:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/41 "2013-06-27T04:58:49Z")
> [@Glazer](#): > > No as a matter of fact my place is pretty sparse. My living room has one chair in front of my big screen that I use as a monitor. A side table to hold my drink. And a couple of bookshelves. My bed room has a mattress on the floor. And a bunch of tools. > > … When I first bought my house that was me! I’m still a Felix Unger, but I love entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/42 "2013-06-27T05:53:25Z")
> [@Glazer](#): > > It’s my place to get away. My sanctuary. And I have no facilities to offer hospitality. Not even an extra chair. Yeah but you could get another chair easily enough and you probably already have at least two glasses and a door on your bathroom, and it could still be your sanctuary 99% of the time when no one is there. I mean obviously it’s your right to not have anyone over, I just don’t get it. Especially because I’m a lover of home alone time too, but I’d RATHER have people to my house than to go to theirs, just because it’s more comfortable to me. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/43 "2013-06-27T10:40:57Z")
In a perfect world I’d be able to have cuddles ( not referring to sex ) at night, but do my own thing in the day. However, in the imperfect world I live in, I’ve tried being alone, and prefer being with someone. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/44 "2013-06-27T10:42:03Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > It seems to me that asking “Would you rather be alone than be in a mediocre marriage?” is kind of softballing the question. Of course many people would prefer that. More interesting, I think, is "Would you rather be alone than in any marriage–is there anyone for whom there simply is no “ideal” relationship and solitude is always to be preferred? Monks. ---
**Author:** ![AllShookDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@AllShookDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllShookDown)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/45 "2013-06-27T17:41:24Z")
Here’s what I always say. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were. That and, I might be able to stand being married if my husband could find a house near mine. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/46 "2013-06-27T17:47:50Z")
Yes yes yes yes yes. As soon as my last child is away at school, I will never live with another person. I will never remarry. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/47 "2013-06-27T19:25:56Z")
I lived alone from the time I got a private dorm room at 20 years old until my husband moved in when I was 28 years old. While it was certainly pleasant to have all the space and all the free time to myself, I was lonely. I joined groups and took lessons just so I wouldn’t have to be alone. It is a huge relief to be living with a family again, for me. Not that I don’t often wish I could take a day or two of “vacation” and have the house to myself. Because I often wish that. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/48 "2013-06-27T19:26:11Z")
I am a single hetero male (paraphiliac). I definitely prefer being alone. Never cared about getting married. I like women fine, but I do not wish to be “betrothed” to one. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/49 "2013-06-27T19:30:20Z")
We’ve been married 30 years. If my husband dies before I do, I’m pretty sure I’ll just stay alone. I lived alone 10 years before we met and I really liked it most of the time. I think I’d like it again, but I’m certainly not hoping for the chance… ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/50 "2013-06-27T19:48:52Z")
> [@Whitney\_Harper](#): > > , I think I would prefer staying single, to being in a semi-happy marriage, especially if there were no financial problems I think the core of this issue is whether or not you require companionship. Some people must have someone else around them in their life. Those people will likely be happier in a so-so marriage than being single. But if you are a more independent person and are fine existing on your own, then you’ll likely be happier single than in a so-so marriage. Even if you’re an independent person you should still try marriage. You may have a good marriage and enjoy the relationship. But an independent person is likely going to need real benefits to being married other than just having another person in their house. For someone who needs companionship, just having another person around is a big benefit. For an independent person, having someone else around can actually be a negative and they will need other benefits to offset that. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/51 "2013-06-27T19:53:22Z")
I’ve been living alone now for nearly a year, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. From living at home, I moved into student share-houses, then lived with my husband and the kids came along. Husband died, kids eventually moved out and I’d met another bloke so we did the living=together thing for a few years too. Last year, I left that relationship and here I am in my own nest for the FIRST time in my life, and it is grand beyond belief. I have no desire whatsoever to live with another human being ever again. I am privileged that I can afford to live by myself, but if push came to shove, I’d give up lots of things before giving up my solitary living situation. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/52 "2013-06-27T19:57:04Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > Even if you’re an independent person you should still try marriage. You may have a good marriage and enjoy the relationship. But an independent person is likely going to need real benefits to being married other than just having another person in their house. For someone who needs companionship, just having another person around is a big benefit. For an independent person, having someone else around can actually be a negative and they will need other benefits to offset that. Well said. I never found out what that offsetting benefit was supposed to be other than having kids and possibly some financial benefits of splitting household costs however. People, including my family, always try to talk me into marriage again citing some abstract reasons that I truly don’t understand and probably never will. Other people, usually extroverts or clingy types, usually throw out ‘companionship’ or ‘partnership’ like that is a self-evident reason that everyone wants or needs and simply it isn’t true. Those same things that they see as a benefit, I see as barely a step up from prison or slavery. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/53 "2013-06-27T20:09:50Z")
Yes. I like living my own life. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/54 "2013-06-27T20:13:36Z")
I prefer living alone. The short time I lived together with my ex-husband made that very clear to me. I’m a bit of a slob and VERY stubborn. I don’t like having to do something I don’t want to do, just to make someone else happy. Yeah, not the best personality trait, I admit. But it’s just how I am. He felt the dishes should be done immediately after using them, I felt that it was fine to leave them for a while. If he tried to get me to something his way, I just dug my heels in and resisted more. Basically, my personality is just not conducive to living with another adult. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/55 "2013-06-27T20:37:16Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > We’ve been married 30 years. If my husband dies before I do, I’m pretty sure I’ll just stay alone. I lived alone 10 years before we met and I really liked it most of the time. I think I’d like it again, but I’m certainly not hoping for the chance… This is how I feel, except we’re at 32 years. I’ve never had the chance to live alone, so I could be wrong about this, but if I didn’t have Mr. Legend (god forbid, because we’re pretty happy together), I don’t believe I’d go out looking for anyone else. As for needing help, I’d rather live in a smaller place by myself than have to be with someone else in order to keep up a larger one. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/56 "2013-06-27T20:39:16Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > I think the core of this issue is whether or not you require companionship. Some people must have someone else around them in their life. Those people will likely be happier in a so-so marriage than being single. But if you are a more independent person and are fine existing on your own, then you’ll likely be happier single than in a so-so marriage. > > Even if you’re an independent person you should still try marriage. You may have a good marriage and enjoy the relationship. But an independent person is likely going to need real benefits to being married other than just having another person in their house. For someone who needs companionship, just having another person around is a big benefit. For an independent person, having someone else around can actually be a negative and they will need other benefits to offset that. I agree with everything except the recommendation to try marriage, like it’s no biggie. There are lots of ways to experience companionship without binding yourself into a legal contract with another person. The stigma of “shacking up” is starting fade, and I think this is a good thing. Perhaps if more people went through a trial period of living with another person before tying the knot, we would have fewer divorces and less regret. And perhaps maybe people need to let go of some of their preconceived notions of what makes for a happy marriage. Maybe expecting two people to live together wasn’t that big of a deal back when all people did was work twelve hour days out in the coal mines or the cotton fields…and home was just where you laid your head at night and rushed through meals. But nowadays, now that we have more leisure time and we’re more home-bound, we put more of a premium on our private lives. I think it’s alright to allow our social customs to evolve with the times. And there is no rule that says separate bedrooms, living quarters, or even houses are anathema to a good marriage. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/57 "2013-06-27T20:49:18Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Other people, usually extroverts or clingy types, usually throw out ‘companionship’ or ‘partnership’ like that is a self-evident reason that everyone wants or needs and simply it isn’t true. Those same things that they see as a benefit, I see as barely a step up from prison or slavery. This. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/58 "2013-06-27T22:13:53Z")
My husband and I are currently working out living alone and still being married. or at least threatening to work it out. I won’t pretend it’s not strange. We’ve figured out that we’re not especially skilled at living together, but we do still love each other. We’re talking about a vacations and holidays deal. We really do have fun together. It’s the day to day stuff that was killing us. I don’t live all the way alone. My teenaged son lives with me, but he has a job and one foot out the door. He spends large chunks of his summers with his father (who is not my current husband) in another state so I’ve had glimpses of what it will be like. Blissful glimpses. ---
**Author:** ![Wolf333](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf333/32/3460_2.png) [@Wolf333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolf333)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/59 "2013-06-28T02:02:16Z")
I’ve lived with a spouse and various roommates, but I’ve been flying solo for almost 13 years now. I prefer living alone. I’ve actually arrived at the point that I don’t even like visiting other people in their homes for long periods. What it comes down to is that I currently have control over everything, from the thermostat to what’s for dinner. I don’t have to worry about anyone’s little quirks, and they don’t have to worry about mine. ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979/60 "2013-06-28T02:53:18Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I’d RATHER have people to my house than to go to theirs, just because it’s more comfortable to me. But it’s very comforting for me to have a place that’s all mine. No one to intrude upon my peace. Very few of my friends even know where I live. Most of my coworkers know where I live because it’s right around the corner from the shop. And I ofter stop by pick up a rarely used tool or let out the dog if I’m going to work late. > [@AllShookDown](#): > > That and, I might be able to stand being married if my husband could find a house near mine. I could get behind a relationship like that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-folks-prefer-living-alone-vs-being-married/661979.md?page=4)