# any good songs about lawyers? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 14, 2007, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846 "2007-03-14T03:48:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/21 "2007-03-14T16:24:16Z")
**The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance** , kinda: “From out of the East a stranger came, A law book in his hand, a man. The kind of a man the west would need To tame a troubled land;” ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/22 "2007-03-14T16:41:44Z")
**Typical Male** by Tina Turner. It starts off: “Tell me lawyer, what to do I think I’m falling in love with you” ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/23 "2007-03-14T17:27:47Z")
[QUOTE= Mr. Excellent] Hey, all. I’m doing write-on for law review this week, and I could use some music to be lawyerly by. [/QUOTE] STOP! A legal writing competition? Where the prize for winning is… more legal writing? Why does no one else see the irony in this? Better you than me, **Mr. Excellent.** ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/24 "2007-03-14T17:30:56Z")
[I’ll Sue Ya](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKq5d3q8TLU) by Weird Al Yankovic. (Warning: YouTube link with sound) ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/25 "2007-03-14T18:17:44Z")
Good luck with the write-on, man. Pro-tip: don’t leave anything you need lying around in the library where other competitors can get to it. Beastie Boys is my personal choice for red pen work, cut with a little Van Halen from the Roth era. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/26 "2007-03-14T18:50:38Z")
[QUOTE=Only Mostly Dead] Don Henley “End of the Innocence” _When happily ever after fails And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales The lawyers dwell on small details Since daddy had to fly_ and later _The lawyers clean up all details Since daddy had to lie_ It’s not the most flattering song for lawyers, but its schmaltz is a guilty pleasure for me. [/QUOTE] I’m glad someone else likes this song. I seem to be in a small minority. Many have been the times when it’s come on the radio and I’ve said, “Wait! I like this song!” when someone’s hand immediately reached for the tuner - inevitably leading to my being mocked. But I do like it, dammit. It was written by Bruce Hornsby, which makes a lot of sense when you consider the overall feel of the song. ---
**Author:** ![Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f19dbf/32.png) [@Only\_Mostly\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Only_Mostly_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/27 "2007-03-14T21:45:31Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] I’m glad someone else likes this song. I seem to be in a small minority. Many have been the times when it’s come on the radio and I’ve said, “Wait! I like this song!” when someone’s hand immediately reached for the tuner - inevitably leading to my being mocked. But I do like it, dammit. It was written by Bruce Hornsby, which makes a lot of sense when you consider the overall feel of the song. [/QUOTE] I learned it was written by Bruce Hornsby when Hornsby and Ricky Skaggs were on CMT Crossroads a few weeks back, and they sang End of the Innocence. I think Hornsby is a seriously underregarded songwriter, and was interested to learn that “End of the Innocence” was his. ---
**Author:** ![katie1341](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/91b2a8/32.png) [@katie1341](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katie1341)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/28 "2007-03-14T23:10:51Z")
The whole song isn’t about lawyers, but _Mr. Bad Example_ by Warren Zevon contains the following: “Of course I went to law school, and took a law degree- counseled all my clients to plead insanity”. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/29 "2007-03-15T02:13:46Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Excellent] Hey, all. I’m doing write-on for law review this week, and I could use some music to be lawyerly by. [/QUOTE] > [@Campion](#): > > I hate bluebooking. I used to be awesome at it; people used to grovel at the throne of my bluebooking. But then I got rusty (and I got minions), so now other people bluebook for me. Sidebar, please, counsel. What the heck are you talking about? Please explain to a poor befuddled northern colleague. (And how do you get minions in law school? I never got no minions…grumble, grumble, grumble…) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/30 "2007-03-15T03:00:35Z")
[QUOTE=Campion] I agree with my learned brother **Northern Piper** ; there’s nothing like Willie Nelson to motivate. [/QUOTE] I, a lawyer, once made the mistake of going to a Willie Nelson concert. A Governor General’s Award wining poet was visiting me, and insisted that Willie Nelson was a great poet, so off we went with a third friend to the concert. Nelson was so drunk that he kept falling down on stage, and could not sing coherently, let alone convey the lyrics that had so motivated my poet friend. The third friend that went with us was so motivated by Nelson’s deportment that he left the building, and unbeknownst to us, gave his ticket to a skid. Meanwhile, a person from further back moved up to my third friend’s now empty seat. The skid entered the building with the ticket and tried to sit in the newly occupied seat. Penis ensued as a fight broke out between the skid and the seat poacher, which then grew as the seat poacher’s friends joined in to pummel the skid, and then other people in the section joined in to defend the skid. During the brawl, my poet friend and I quietly slipped away, leaving Willie Nelson to his loyal fans, and the police rushing past us to quell the fight. In revenge for having given his ticket to a skid, the next day I told my third friend’s insanely jealous wife that he had been making passes at a woman at the concert. He later told me that she beat the crap out of him for that, which was par for the course in his marriage. Unfortunately, when he told me this, it was several days later at the end of a kayak trip, when I was in the bed of a pickup truck underneath a load of kayaks, with him grabbing my arm with one hand, while holding onto a farmer’s electrified fence with the other, watching me scream (getting zapped himself was worth it for him to watch me get zapped). So I was not what you would call a singing lawyer – I was more of a yelping, screaming lawyer, who in a very roundabout way, found Willie Nelson to be not just motivating, but positively electrifying. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/31 "2007-03-15T03:10:19Z")
[QUOTE=Northern Piper] Sidebar, please, counsel. What the heck are you talking about? Please explain to a poor befuddled northern colleague. (And how do you get minions in law school? I never got no minions…grumble, grumble, grumble…) [/QUOTE] Style guide to legal citation. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/32 "2007-03-15T03:19:41Z")
[QUOTE=Northern Piper] (And how do you get minions in law school? I never got no minions…grumble, grumble, grumble…) [/QUOTE] I had a cat during law school, and he liked to keep me up at night, so I got him a cat. Given the pecking order I thus had two minions, and he had one minion. Then I got a girlfriend, so the pecking order changed somewhat, such that she had three minions, my senior cat had two minions, and my junior cat had one minion. Presently, I am bach’ing with one cat, and we are more or less on equal terms, however he has the neighbour’s German Shepard for his minion, while I have to clean the litter box. Life is so unfair. Sniff. Someone please sing me a Willie Nelson ballad. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/33 "2007-03-15T03:48:32Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Style guide to legal citation. [/QUOTE] Oh, I understand what the bluebook is, but they’re using it like a verb, and there seems to be some competition involved, and strategy to avoid being deked by colleagues in the library, and … well… I’m just confused. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/34 "2007-03-15T04:27:30Z")
I can not list all the songs written about Abraham Lincoln and the goodness he done. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/35 "2007-03-15T05:50:30Z")
Thought of one more: I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) by Fall Out Boy. Yeah, the title’s long, but it cracks me up every time. The song’s okay, too. [QUOTE=Northern Piper] Oh, I understand what the bluebook is, but they’re using it like a verb, and there seems to be some competition involved, and strategy to avoid being deked by colleagues in the library, and … well… I’m just confused. [/QUOTE] In many law schools, one gets on law review in one of two ways: by grading on or by writing on. They’ll take the top X students in the class, or everyone with a grade point average above a certain level. Those are the people who “grade on” to law review. The other way is through a writing competition; hence, “to write on to law review.” It can be a “closed” problem – no research permitted – or an open problem, which would be annoying. Anyway, I’ll leave it to the able **Mr. Excellent** to explain how it works at his school. But in short, it’s a writing competition, in which the winners are given the right to do more writing, as **HSHP** points out. In that sense, it’s like legal life: the reward for good work is more work. To bluebook (verb): to conform the citations in the brief to the standards set by the Bluebook. Used to be a time when I could abbreviate any case title, accurately arrange a string cite that included state, federal, and unpublished cases; pending statutes; treatises; internet articles; and interviews; and select the appropriate signal (“no, I think this one calls for a _cf_. signal”) without breaking a sweat (or cracking open the bluebook). But then I became a lawyer, and over time, I stopped having to bluebook my own briefs. I had minions to do my bluebooking. And so my mad bluebooking skillz got way rusty. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/36 "2007-03-15T17:05:56Z")
Having been a lawyer, Gilbert, of Gilbert and Sullivan fame, made good use of the profession in _Trial by Jury, The Sorcerer, Patience, Iolanthe, Utopia Limited, and The Grand Duke._ For example, from Trial by Jury: When I, good friends, was call’d to the bar I’d an appetite fresh and hearty But I was, as many young barristers are An impecunious party I’d a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue And a brief which I bought of a booby A couple of shirts, and a collar or two And a ring that looked like a ruby _He’d a couple of shirts, and a collar or two And a ring that look’d like a ruby_ At Westminister Hall I danc’d a dance Like a semi-despondent fury For I tho’t I never should hit on a chance Of addressing a British jury But I soon got tired of third-class journeys And dinners of bread and water So I fell in love with a rich attorney’s Elderly, ugly daughter _So he fell in love with a rich attorney’s Elderly, ugly daughter_ The rich attorney, he jump’d with joy And replied to my fond professions “You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy At the Bailey and Middlesex Sessions You’ll soon get used to her looks,” said he “And a very nice girl you will find her She may very well pass for forty-three In the dusk, with a light behind her” _She has often been taken for forty three In the dusk, with a light behind her_ The rich attorney was good as his word The briefs came trooping gaily And every day my voice was heard At the Sessions of ancient Bailey All thieves, who could my fees afford Relied on my orations And many a burglar I’ve restored To his friends and his relations _And many a burglar he’s restored To his friends and his relations_ At length I became as rich as the Gurneys An incubus then I thought her So I threw over that rich attorney’s Elderly, ugly daughter The rich attorney my character high Tried vainly to disparage And now, if you please, I’m ready to try This breach of promise of marriage _And now, if you please, he’s ready to try This breach of promise of marriage_ For now I’m a judge And a good judge, too Yes, now I’m a judge And a good judge, too Though all my law be fudge Yet I’ll never, never budge And I’ll live and die a judge And a good Judge too ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/37 "2007-03-15T20:31:00Z")
Gilbert and Sullivan is way past copyright, I assume? However, generally, we do NOT permit quoting of full lyrics here. Quote a line or two and then provide a link to the site that holds copyright. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/38 "2007-03-15T21:18:03Z")
_“Trial by Jury”_ has been in the public domain since 1961, being fifty years following Gilbert’s death in 1911. Gilbert and Sullivan experienced the early development (or lack thereof) of international copyright. There was copyright in England at the time, but the Berne Convention was not made until 1886, eight years after Gilbert wrote the lyrics to _Trial by Jury_, and even then the USA did not get on board until 1989. [John Kenrik](http://www.musicals101.com/gilbert2.htm) notes that: “When Gilbert and Sullivan brought their company of Pinafore to New York, the casts of several unauthorized Pinafore’s brazenly turned out to welcome them in the harbor.” The most significant effect of copyright expiring was that it was a major blow for the [d’Oyly Carte Opera Company](http://www.doylycarte.org.uk/index2.htm), which had held copyrights for most of the Gilbert and Sullivan operettas, and had been putting on Gilbert and Sullivan show since day one. They pulled through, and are still putting on the operettas. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/39 "2007-03-15T21:20:05Z")
Tom Paxton’s [One Million Lawyers](http://www.mydfz.com/Paxton/lyrics/oml.htm) Oh, a suffering world cries for mercy. As far as the eye can see, Lawyers around every bend in the road. Lawyers in every tree. Lawyers in restaurants. Lawyers in clubs. Lawyers behind every door. Behind windows and potted plants, Shade trees and shrubs. Lawyers on pogo sticks. Lawyers in politics. In ten years we’re gonna have one million lawyers. How much can a poor nation stand. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846/40 "2007-03-15T21:22:58Z")
Two lines? “She may very well pass for forty-three In the dusk, with a light behind her” Politically incorrect, but timeless. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-good-songs-about-lawyers/395846.md?page=3)