# Any jokes in The Bible?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [December 19, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340 "2005-12-19T19:57:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@bubastis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubastis)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/1 "2005-12-19T19:57:52Z")
At all? Anything humorous? Anything lighthearted at all? Surely Jesus must have zinged a pharisee along the way, right?
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### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/2 "2005-12-19T20:00:57Z")
[The Master speaks.](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_244.html)
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### Author:  [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/3 "2005-12-19T20:04:46Z")
There’s a verse where Jesus says if you call someone a fool, you’ll be in danger of hellfire. A few verses later, Jesus calls people fools.
Oops.
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### Author:  [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/4 "2005-12-19T20:06:04Z")
Knew I wouldn’t be quick enough with the link. Good thing, too, 'cause I was going to credit **Dex** for that one. Forgive me, almighty Cecil!
Aside… one of my personal favorite bumper-sticker-length witticisms (from where, I don’t know):
_God created the Earth as a joke. Man was the punchline._
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### Author:  [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/5 "2005-12-19T20:13:17Z")
As I understand it, there is some wordplay in the Old Testament, but it’s all been lost in translation.
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### Author:  [@Just1Lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just1Lurk)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/6 "2005-12-19T20:14:11Z")
I read somewhere ( **Asimov’s Guide to the Bible** , I think) that Jesus may have been making a pun when He told Peter, “Your name is Peter, and on this rock I will build my church.” The aramic equivalent of Peter (Petrus?) means “rock.”
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/7 "2005-12-19T20:26:27Z")
“Am I on Candid Camera?”
I find that whole “rich man/eye of a needle” thing to be kind of funny.
Then there’s the bit where a bunch of little kids made fun of somebody’s bald head so he prayed and god sent a bunch of bears to eat the kids.
Okay, that’s not so funny…
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### Author:  [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/8 "2005-12-19T20:31:28Z")
> [@Just1Lurk](#):
>
> I read somewhere ( **Asimov’s Guide to the Bible** , I think) that Jesus may have been making a pun when He told Peter, “Your name is Peter, and on this rock I will build my church.” The aramic equivalent of Peter (Petrus?) means “rock.”
I’m not sure that qualifies as a pun – Jesus _gave_ Peter that name for that reason. (Before that, he was Simon, right?) So it’s just like saying, “Hey Simon, I’m gonna call you “Rock”, since you’ll be the rock on which I build my Church.” Kinda like Jesus giving him a nickname.
Now, if his name had _already_ been Peter, then I’d say Jesus was making a pun.
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### Author:  [@Just1Lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just1Lurk)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/9 "2005-12-19T20:38:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by **tim314** :
> I’m not sure that qualifies as a pun – Jesus gave Peter that name for that reason. (Before that, he was Simon, right?) So it’s just like saying, “Hey Simon, I’m gonna call you “Rock”, since you’ll be the rock on which I build my Church.” Kinda like Jesus giving him a nickname.
As I remember it, Simon’s nickname had already been established - either before he met Jesus, or at least before Jesus made the above remark. That would make it a pun. But I admit I might be remembering it wrong.
Hey, at least it wasn’t “turdblossom.”
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### Author:  [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/10 "2005-12-19T20:39:44Z")
> [@HubZilla](#):
>
> There’s a verse where Jesus says if you call someone a fool, you’ll be in danger of hellfire. A few verses later, Jesus calls people fools.
>
> Oops.
Not quite. You’re referring to Matthew 5:22, which people often quote incompletely. The complete verse says,
“But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”
Saying that someone’s being foolish is not the same as exclaiming “Thou fool!” In addition, the verse clearly indicates a situation where someone is giving vent to unjust anger, not merely denouncing his foolishness.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/11 "2005-12-19T20:47:02Z")
In the book of Matthew, there’s the gag with the expensive ointment.
“Hey, Jesus! That ointment could have been sold for the benefit of the poor!”
“Don’t worry about it, the poor ain’t going anywhere. Me, on the other hand…”
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### Author:  [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/12 "2005-12-19T21:13:20Z")
> [@Just1Lurk](#):
>
> As I remember it, Simon’s nickname had already been established - either before he met Jesus, or at least before Jesus made the above remark. That would make it a pun. But I admit I might be remembering it wrong.
>
> Hey, at least it wasn’t “turdblossom.”
Hmm, you could be right. When Peter is first introduced, the Bible says something like "Simon, called Peter . . . " But I figured the author meant he was called Peter _now_ not necessarily that he was called Peter at that time. I interpreted the whole “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church” thing as Jesus giving Simon that name. But if people are quoted as calling him Peter before that, then I suppose I’m wrong.
Perhaps it’s open to interpretation. Luckily for us, the rest of the Bible is nice and clear cut. 😃
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/13 "2005-12-19T21:30:46Z")
> [@bubastis](#):
>
> At all? Anything humorous? Anything lighthearted at all? Surely Jesus must have zinged a pharisee along the way, right?
One character of children’s author Madeleine L’Engle claims that the book of Jonah is a comedy. I was taken aback when I first read this assertion until I thought about it…now I read the story’s of Jonah’s travails for giggles.
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### Author:  [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/14 "2005-12-19T21:34:41Z")
> [@Just1Lurk](#):
>
> The aramic equivalent of Peter (Petrus?) means “rock.”
Not Aramaic, Latin. The source of “petrify” and “petroleum”, amongst other things. And I believe it’s just “peter”, or “petra” if it’s feminine, though I’m no Latin speaker.
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### Author:  [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/15 "2005-12-19T21:50:46Z")
**Elderly Man** : It hurts when I do that.
**Jesus** : Well then, don’t _do_ that. What do you expect from me, miracles?
I’ll have to smoke a turd in Purgatory for that remark.
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/16 "2005-12-19T21:55:19Z")
There’s some thought that the magi were ironically named. After all, they told Herod where the Christ child was :smack: , and were following a star that wandered (maybe they were too dumb to realize they were following Venus, which is often in the west in the early evening).
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### Author:  [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/17 "2005-12-19T22:01:47Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#):
>
> I’ll have to smoke a turd in Purgatory for that remark.
Haven’t you heard? Purgatory’s gone! That’s a hellish remark now.
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### Author:  [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/18 "2005-12-19T22:01:56Z")
There’s a verse which speaks of swallowing a camel and straining at a gnat. I’ve heard the Aramaic words for camel and gnat are “gamal” and “gamla” respectively.
From the forum “Comments on Cecil’s Columns”, here’s a previous thread on the subject which includes links to even earlier threads.
> **[Biblical humor](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=179291)**
>
> (Re: a5\_244) The prophet Elijah shows some traces of humor, at least. In 1 Kings, after challenging the prophets of the rivalling god Baal to a little bull-sacrificing contest, he mocks them for not being able to get their god to light their...
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### Author:  [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/19 "2005-12-19T22:10:35Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#):
>
> Haven’t you heard? Purgatory’s gone! That’s a hellish remark now.
Fire in the hole!!
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### Author:  [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)
#### Post date: [December 19, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-jokes-in-the-bible/336340/20 "2005-12-19T22:30:03Z")
This isn’t a joke but gets a laugh from many.
At the end of Esther, Haman gets hanged from the very high gallows he had built to hang Mordecai.
Perfect ending to the only book of the Bible that doesn’t mention God.
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