# Any of y'all want to sell your soul? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728 "2010-07-06T16:15:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/41 "2010-07-06T18:43:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Having said all that, you seem to have inadvertently cleaned your moral slate in the past few decades and currently are not bound for the Pit. Shall I draw up a contract? Have your people contact my people, and we’ll do a Midnight Meal. I rarely do lunch. I assume that you are a Night Being, as I am? Also, do I get a commission on any souls that I can deliver to you? In addition to the standard contract, I want a VERY good deal on the house we’re buying, and absolutely no problems (on our end) in buying and closing on it. I know that’s gonna be tough, but you have to realize that you’re probably going to make me a minion sooner or later. Cause that’s just the sort of being I am. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/42 "2010-07-06T18:44:57Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > BTW - why am I the first one trying to sell his soul for power? Good grief, people, read your Faust! That’s why I attempted to sell my soul back when I was a teen. I wanted power. Now I want power and health and just a little bit of revenge. Just a teensy bit. Juuuust enough to make them SORRY. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/43 "2010-07-06T18:45:22Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Sorry, **Oak**. There’s no clean title on your soul; Odin has a prior claim. I’n not getting it with the Aesir. Well damn your due diligence prior to closing the deal. Can I at least get one of the new Annabeth Gish-model hookerbots? I saw _Mystic Pizza_ the other night–yes, I was hammered–and Ms. Gish is very easy on the eyes… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/44 "2010-07-06T18:53:32Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > In addition to the standard contract, I want a VERY good deal on the house we’re buying, and absolutely no problems (on our end) in buying and closing on it. I know that’s gonna be tough, but you have to realize that you’re probably going to make me a minion sooner or later. Cause that’s just the sort of being I am. I’m not sure we want you as a minion, dear. If you were Hell material, you’d have written “I’d like the house we’re buying given to us at absolutely no expense to us. In fact, I think the seller should pay us. If this results in them going bankrupt, well, that’s not my problem now, is it?” > [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Power, please! Call it a big whoppin’ serving of cash - a couple hundred million should do nicely - plus the charisma to get me through when the cash can’t. I’ll use it all to start some worthy nonprofits, eventually run for the Senate, and serve as a voice for human rights, civil liberties, and good sense in that august institution. At least, at first - I’ll believe that I’ve made the noble sacrifice of my soul to advance the good of all Mankind, but eventually I’ll become so jaded by power that I’ll well and truly deserve my inevitable damnation. If you like, I’ll toss in a love of my life whom I’ll win, and then lose as I descend into corruption - ensuring that I die truly and horribly alone. Most of that was going to happen anyway, but I can swing it with the understanding that you’ll spend 9/14ths of your career exploiting and abusing the people you once sought to save. > [@Oakminster](#): > > Well damn your due diligence prior to closing the deal. Can I at least get one of the new Annabeth Gish-model hookerbots? I saw _Mystic Pizza_ the other night–yes, I was hammered–and Ms. Gish is very easy on the eyes… Annabeth Gish? Seriously? Whatever dude. Take the lot of 'em. The Anna Paquin models are just two doors over, though. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/45 "2010-07-06T18:56:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m sorry, I should have been clear. We are not interested in the souls of Canadians. Neither is the other side. I’m not sure what happens to y’all after death, frankly, though if I were gonna guess I’d say that all the world’s ghosts are actaully from the Great White North, no matter what they claim. Damn it I could have made you a hell of a deal too. All I want is to live somewhere warm ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/46 "2010-07-06T18:56:43Z")
I’m kind of hungry. You get some lunch over here within the next few minutes and the soul is yours. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/47 "2010-07-06T19:14:29Z")
Can I trade for a flying monkey instead? CMC fnord! ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/48 "2010-07-06T19:20:32Z")
Sorry, **Skald** , it’s been [asked and answered](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=48684&highlight=sell+soul) in GQ. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/49 "2010-07-06T19:23:41Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I would like to receive a written estimate for my soul so that I can discuss with my wife (the current owner.) But really, because you seem so needy I’m going to have to assume you can’t get my soul any other way - that’s going to drive my price up. I, personally, have no need of your soul. But the Apocalypse is approaching, and Mephistopheles needs mortals to serve as [del]feed for the hell-hounds[/del] [del]cannon-fodder for the assault on Heaven[/del] clever, reliable agents to serve as his viceroys once the Universe is ours. In other news I need someone to instruct me in the use of the _delete_ key. > [@tr0psn4j](#): > > I’m kind of hungry. You get some lunch over here within the next few minutes and the soul is yours. According to my records, not only are you currently damned, but have been since 17 April 2005. I don’t have the details here, but apparently you really, really, really pissed off the opposition that day. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/50 "2010-07-06T19:25:19Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Sorry, **Skald** , it’s been [asked and answered](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=48684&highlight=sell+soul) in GQ. :mad: What the deuce are you doing in here, Servant of Light? Do WE interfere with YOUR side’s operations? And no, Pat Robertson does NOT count. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/51 "2010-07-06T19:29:03Z")
You may have my soul free of charge…providing you first collect the souls of James Randi, Harlan Ellison and Leslie Fish. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/52 "2010-07-06T19:29:25Z")
I couldn’t even think of anything to swap you for a cookie two weeks ago. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/53 "2010-07-06T19:29:52Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > But they’re so cool and refreshing! They…are…CANADIAN. We are NOT INTERESTED. I suggest you consider one of the other pantheons. Ereshkigal isn’t picky, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/54 "2010-07-06T19:31:12Z")
I wouldn’t want to own a soul that The Devil would be interested in , so anything I could get for it, I’d be glad of. I’d start high tho, and let him haggle me down. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/55 "2010-07-06T19:32:38Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m not sure we want you as a minion, dear. If you were Hell material, you’d have written “I’d like the house we’re buying given to us at absolutely no expense to us. In fact, I think the seller should pay us. If this results in them going bankrupt, well, that’s not my problem now, is it?” As I said, I want a VERY good deal. I think that if we were given this house, that would raise all sorts of bothersome questions which I would prefer not to answer, or even to have someone else look into things. I don’t want to cause undue suspicion. Or even suspicion that is completely warranted. My main problem with Belkar in the Order of the Stick is not that he’s Chaotic Evil, but that he’s STUPID CE. Just as Good does not equal Stupid, neither does Evil equal Stupid. The very best Evil is so subtle that nobody notices it, but everyone is affected by it. For instance, in _Good Omens_, I greatly admired Crowley’s initiative in adapting the traffic patterns to a) cause a giant Glyph to be formed, an evil modern prayer wheel if you like, and b) cause traffic jams, which set all sorts of small evils into motion. Also, I worked for AOL for a time, but left it because they are too inefficient for my tastes, also they weren’t evil enough. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/56 "2010-07-06T19:33:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > According to my records, not only are you currently damned, but have been since 17 April 2005. I don’t have the details here, but apparently you really, really, really pissed off the opposition that day. I guess I already have hell to look forward to. Should I pack a jacket? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/57 "2010-07-06T19:34:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Most of that was going to happen anyway, but I can swing it with the understanding that you’ll spend 9/14ths of your career exploiting and abusing the people you once sought to save. Done! Where do I sign? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/58 "2010-07-06T19:34:49Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > You may have my soul free of charge…providing you first collect the souls of James Randi, Harlan Ellison and Leslie Fish. Randi is a Canadian. I have already explained the Dark Lord’s policy about that untamable ilk. Leslie Fish does not fit our needs at this time. Something about the bandana. I don’t know the details but Lucifer prefers taht she be kept entirely out of his jurisdiction. Ellison is–well, Ellison. He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Paragraph prefers to keep him in the mortal world so that he can serve the Lowerarchy in his current unwitting and subtle ways. [QUOTE=Sigmagirl] I couldn’t even think of anything to swap you for a cookie two weeks ago. [/QUOTE] You’re on the list for cookies whenever you want. You should really check your inbox occasionally. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/59 "2010-07-06T19:39:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > They…are…CANADIAN. We are NOT INTERESTED. I suggest you consider one of the other pantheons. Ereshkigal isn’t picky, for instance. Fine, we’ll just stay in Limbo. I imagine it’s a lot like Moose Jaw. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/60 "2010-07-06T19:39:28Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > I guess I already have hell to look forward to. Should I pack a jacket? You think you’ll be allowed to wear clothes in Hell. That’s so sweet. > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Fine, we’ll just stay in Limbo. I imagine it’s a lot like Moose Jaw. There is beer in Moose Jaw. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728.md?page=4)