# Any of y'all want to sell your soul? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728 "2010-07-06T16:15:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/61 "2010-07-06T20:00:12Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You’re on the list for cookies whenever you want. You should really check your inbox occasionally. I just came back from vacation. The chocolate has melted all over my inbox. It really _is_ hot in Cleveland! ETA: That sounds kinda naughty. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/62 "2010-07-06T20:03:40Z")
You may have my soul, providing you take a trip to a certain destination first, then return. Not that I’m asking you to go there, but for instance how long would it take you to go to Alpha Centauri and back? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/63 "2010-07-06T20:15:07Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m sorry, I should have been clear. We are not interested in the souls of Canadians. Neither is the other side. We are already in Hell. It’s in our minds. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure what happens to y’all after death, frankly… Snow snakes. Ice weasels. It isn’t pretty. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/64 "2010-07-06T20:23:35Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > We are already in Hell. It’s in our minds. Snow snakes. Ice weasels. It isn’t pretty. Anne Murray and William Shatner duets. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/65 "2010-07-06T20:35:08Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > 'Cause I’m buying today. Fabulous wealth, unspeakable luxuries, and infinitely lovely succubues (or incubuses, for the ladies and gay men) are yours if you sign on the dotted line–and, lets be honest, most of y’all are going to Hell anyway. 🆒 > > Any takers? I’m in a deal-making mood. Absolutely. I’ll take the package, but will trade out some of the luxuries for a minor position in Hell post death. Preferably one that minimizes all torment to myself. Something in anti-divinity R and D. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/66 "2010-07-06T20:36:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Sorry, **Oak**. There’s no clean title on your soul; Odin has a prior claim. I’n not getting it with the Aesir. Oddly enough, and even true, a currently transgendered former priestess of Anubis recently told me the same thing. At a very Southern funeral of a friend who committed suicide. It was a strange week. And not a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/67 "2010-07-06T20:41:00Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Absolutely. I’ll take the package, but will trade out some of the luxuries for a minor position in Hell post death. Preferably one that minimizes all torment to myself. Something in anti-divinity R and D. 😃 Certainly! You can trust that not merely I but the rest of the Lowerarchy will honor all deals made! > [@Czarcasm](#): > > You may have my soul, providing you take a trip to a certain destination first, then return. Not that I’m asking you to go there, but for instance how long would it take you to go to Alpha Centauri and back? AlphaCent is deep in territory. If I go there, I’m going in force, thankyouverymuch. I am also not interested in helping you solve any mathematical conundrums. That does not further the aims of His Vileness. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/68 "2010-07-06T20:44:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Certainly! You can trust that not merely I but the rest of the Lowerarchy will honor all deals made. Excellent! I have some plans on crossbreeding cacodaemons to captured sex-assigned opposition prisoners… Glad to be on board boss. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/69 "2010-07-06T20:47:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am also not interested in helping you solve any mathematical conundrums. That does not further the aims of His Vileness. I know of only four message boards where someone would get the reference that quickly-well done! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/70 "2010-07-06T20:48:07Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Certainly! You can trust that not merely I but the rest of the Lowerarchy will honor all deals made! > > AlphaCent is deep in territory. If I go there, I’m going in force, thankyouverymuch. > > I am also not interested in helping you solve any mathematical conundrums. That does not further the aims of His Vileness. I’m not sure how the word _enemy_ disappeared from the fore of _territory_ above. I am going to blame the Canadians. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/71 "2010-07-06T20:56:12Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I know of only four message boards where someone would get the reference that quickly-well done! [crazy hat off] I’m having a brain fart. I remember everything about the story except the author, and the relevant book is nowhere in reach. Refresh my memory? For the rest of y’all, **Czarcasm** and I have been talking about a story from about 60 years ago in which a modern Faust wagers his soul against the Devil being able to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem. I won’t go into more detail lest I spoil it; you guys should read it. > [@Oakminster](#): > > Oddly enough, and even true, a currently transgendered former priestess of Anubis recently told me the same thing. At a very Southern funeral of a friend who committed suicide. It was a strange week. And not a good one. Sorry about your friend, Oak. What do you mean by “very Southern funeral”? I know what _I_ would mean by it. (For the non-Southerners it’s complicated, but it involves, on the black side anyway, a eulogy that is actually a sermon, no one other than the widow and persons under 13 being allowed to cry, and a post-funeral party that seems oddly festive to Northerners and Westerners. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/72 "2010-07-06T21:12:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > What do you mean by “very Southern funeral”? I know what _I_ would mean by it. (For the non-Southerners it’s complicated, but it involves, on the black side anyway, a eulogy that is actually a sermon, no one other than the widow and persons under 13 being allowed to cry, and a post-funeral party that seems oddly festive to Northerners and Westerners. Very much like that. We got the Special Edition, where the preacher lays on the Hellfire and Brimstone, especially for atheists, extra thick. Being charitable, I prefer to think maybe nobody told him the deceased was an atheist, and he did not intentionally spend thirty minutes telling the mother that her son was now burning in Hell forever. Assuming God would overlook the suicide, which, of course, wasn’t mentioned. Also not mentioned was the bourbon and/or other intoxicants consumed discreetly before, during, and after the visitation by many attendees. Add in the presence of a woman with a romantic history including the Uncle and this author, sprinkle with the brief appearance of the currently transgendered former priestess of Anubis, bake in the sweltering summer heat at 104 F, and Tennessee Williams coulda done it on Broadway. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/73 "2010-07-06T21:27:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You think you’ll be allowed to wear clothes in Hell. That’s so sweet. Are you making fun of me? Why are you so mean? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/74 "2010-07-06T21:31:27Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > Are you making fun of me? Why are you so mean? Someone will be along shortly to mock you for this question. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/75 "2010-07-06T21:41:54Z")
I want a guarantee to live until 70 in good health and 10 million dollars. Oh and I want the Yankees to never win another World Series. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/76 "2010-07-06T21:57:58Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I want a guarantee to live until 70 in good health and 10 million dollars. Oh and I want the Yankees to never win another World Series. If you had given the matter even a moment’s thought, you would have realized that the latter condition is not something Old Scratch would agree too. He’s friends with George. At least, I think they’re friends. Now that I think on it, whenever G.S. is on one of his periodic tours of Down Here, the Boss is absent. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/77 "2010-07-06T22:02:10Z")
What about my appendix? Can I get anything for that? ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/78 "2010-07-06T22:16:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I understand your fear of needles, so I’ve instructed the netherwordly notary to prick your finger for you. Though he’s been known to get the phrases _make a tiny prick in_ and _lop off entirely without benefit of anaesthesia_ mixed up. I’d like to remove him but he’s in the union. Oh I don’t mind the lopping off; I just hate those tiny pricks like you would not believe. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/79 "2010-07-06T22:21:08Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#): > > What about my appendix? Can I get anything for that? I take this to mean that you are willing to sell your soul in exchange for diabolical help in removing your appendix. We are amenable to this and have sent one of our finest [del]serial killers[/del] [del]vivisectionists[/del] surgeons to remove the aforementioned organ, along with any others you may not be using. If you do not wish to make this exchange, please let Dr. Jack know when he arrives. I will even comp the procedure and have Jack remove the appendix, kidneys, liver, pancreas, lungs, and so forth without taking your soul at all. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728/80 "2010-07-06T22:36:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am going to blame the Canadians. You keep doing that and we’ll send the ice weasels after _you_. There’s a reason Dante spoke of the centre of Hell as being frozen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-of-yall-want-to-sell-your-soul/545728.md?page=5)