# Any other "traditional" jokes like 'The Artistocrats'? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 14, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912 "2005-08-14T00:10:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/1 "2005-08-14T00:10:26Z")
Are there any other “traditional” jokes shared between comedians from years past like ‘The Aristocrats’? For those who don’t know, ‘The Aristocrats’ is a > [@](#): > > VERY dirty, filthy joke–one shared privately by comics since Vaudeville. > **[The Aristocrats (2005) - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/reference)** > > The Aristocrats (2005) Reference View ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/2 "2005-08-14T01:02:50Z")
No soap, radio! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/3 "2005-08-14T01:07:24Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > No soap, radio! I know that one. I wonder how may other do. I am 41 and grew up in Los Angeles. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/4 "2005-08-14T04:10:01Z")
I’ve heard that one. I’m 23 and grew up on Long Island. I’m not sure I ever fully got it, but I heard it when I was a kid. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/5 "2005-08-14T08:38:01Z")
So do the rest of us get to hear the joke, or not? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/6 "2005-08-14T10:44:00Z")
> [@](#): > > So do the rest of us get to hear the joke, or not? Nah, but did I ever tell you guys about the time, when I was a kid, my mom, my dad, my dog and I put together a really great variety act? (Spoiler not for the squeamish. I repeat: This isn’t for the squeamish. You’ve been warned.)[spoiler]We worked on our act for months and months, and finally my dad took us to an agent to see if we could get booked on some local TV shows. The agent said, “Sorry, I don’t do family acts.” Dad said “Just take a look at this before you say that.” The agent said, “Alright, but make it quick.” ‘Sweet!’ I thought. ‘Now’s our big chance.’ So we all got into our positions: We lined up-- dad, mom, me, then the dog; we all pulled our pants down and bent over, our assholes aimed at the agent behind his desk (well, the dog wasn’t wearing pants, but that probably goes without saying). It took about 20 seconds to get things going, but Dad finally started it out. A long, low rumbling fart slurped out of his ass-- a sound so recognizable to mom and I that we knew it like our own voices-- and we knew that that was our cue. Mom then squeeked her own fart out, I quickly followed her fart with a loud rip of my own, and so the flatulant musical began. The three of us took turns blasting out butt-notes, to the tune of “Crosstown Traffic” by Jimi Hendrix. By the time we got to the final chrous, our legs and the floor beneath us were covered in runny, lumpy shit. And that crazy dog of ours was lapping it up almost as fast as we squeezed it out! When we finished, dad gave mom a loud, hard slap on her bare ass, and she let out a scream. I looked over and noticed dad had an erection, which meant mom had probably been jerking him off to help him hit the low notes. When Dad stood up, he asked the agent what he thought. “Good lord. I’ve never seen anything like that before,” the agent said. "What the hell do you guys call yourselves? My dad lifted his leg and evacuated the rest of his colon onto the floor. “We’re the Aristocrats,” he said.[/spoiler] FTR, this is just an example of the joke. But the joke always starts out with a family going to an agent with an act, it continues on with very nasty, obscene, tasteless and horrific things going on, and it ends with the announcement that they’re called “The Aristocrats.” _Very_ classy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/7 "2005-08-14T18:57:00Z")
Yeah I know about that one (doesn’t hit my funny bone at all), What about the “no soap, radio” joke, though? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/8 "2005-08-14T19:00:55Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Yeah I know about that one (doesn’t hit my funny bone at all), What about the “no soap, radio” joke, though? “no soap, radio” is even worse. It’s not really even a joke. [http://xenon.stanford.edu/~hays/nosoap.html](http://xenon.stanford.edu/~hays/nosoap.html) Explanation: [No Soap Radio](http://xenon.stanford.edu/~hays/whatdoesitmean.html) ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/9 "2005-08-14T19:23:41Z")
The “no soap radio” anti-joke (never heard it, and no, it’s not that funny, which is really the point isn’t it) reminds me of another joke someone told me a few years ago:[spoiler]A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says “You have to help my friend! He thinks he’s an orange!” “Oh,” says the psychiatrist, “this is very serious. I must see your friend right away. Where is he?” “He’s in my pocket.”[/spoiler]I don’t know why, but I love those kinds of things. Can’t wait till The Aristocrats comes here. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/10 "2005-08-14T19:44:28Z")
Does the Peg-legged Pig joke count? ---
**Author:** ![Zahava424](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/76d3ee/32.png) [@Zahava424](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zahava424)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/11 "2005-08-14T20:26:57Z")
This joke and the note that follows it > [@](#): > > Two nuns are in a bath. The first one says, “Where’s the soap?” and the second one replies, "Yes it does, doesn’t it? > > Source: [waughs@netcom.com](mailto:waughs@netcom.com), 1996 > I’d like to thank everyone who wrote to point out the real punchline in this one. I’d completely missed it (Guess I don’t have as dirty of a mind as some of you.) So, technically, this doesn’t fall into the same category as the other jokes. However, due to the interesting superficial similarities (water, soap, nuns in their habits bearing a striking similarity to penguins), I’ll leave it on the page are from the site that **revtim** linked to, but I don’t get it. Anyone care to explain it for me? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/12 "2005-08-14T20:37:56Z")
The 2nd nun heard it as “ **Wears** the soap?” as in “wears it down.” ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/13 "2005-08-14T20:42:24Z")
The nuns aremasturbating with the soap, thus _wearing_ it down. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/14 "2005-08-29T19:17:50Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Yeah I know about that one (doesn’t hit my funny bone at all) Well that’s because it’s not a good joke. But it’s not really about being a funny joke, it is, apparently, about the delivery. And the nature of joke telling. Which is why a whole movie about telling the same joke over and over can still be funny (or so I’m told, I haven’t been able to get to it, try as I might.) ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/15 "2005-08-29T20:18:14Z")
> [@Darth Nader](#): > > The nuns aremasturbating with the soap, thus _wearing_ it down. What’s the difference between a nun and a lady in the bathtub? The nun has hope in her soul… ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/16 "2005-08-29T20:19:10Z")
H. Allen Smith wrote about a punchline without a joke. It was such a perfect punchline he tried to make up a joke to go with it but was unsuccessful. The punchline: **So the butler stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes**. It sure seems like there should be a joke to go with that, but I’ve never heard one. ---
**Author:** ![SmackFu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@SmackFu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmackFu)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/17 "2005-08-29T20:24:49Z")
I like davenportavenger’s orange joke. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/18 "2005-08-29T20:32:58Z")
One of the best-known is “[Niagara Falls/Slowly I Turned](http://www.niagarafallsreporter.com/slowly.html),” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/19 "2005-08-29T21:36:42Z")
Ah. Well, in the vein of the “no soap radio” joke, my favorite joke of all time is this one: Person 1: “Ask me if I’m a duck.” Person 2: “Are you a duck?” Person 1: “No!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912/20 "2005-08-30T15:32:00Z")
The nun-misunderstanding pun reminds me of another: Two nuns are sight-seeing in Rome by bicycle. It’s getting late, so they decide to take a shortcut to get back to their abbey. They ride down an old, old street. One says nervously, “Sister, I don’t think I’ve ever come this way before.” The other smiles and says, “Yes, I know. It’s the cobblestones.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-other-traditional-jokes-like-the-artistocrats/316912.md?page=2)