# Any thoughts or advice for a first-time parent? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 20, 2014, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726 "2014-12-20T11:16:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/41 "2014-12-21T23:14:19Z")
The [folds at the shoulders of a onesie shirt allow it to be pulled down](http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/08/blowout-damage-.html) rather than up if there’s anything you’d rather not have on your baby’s head. Like poop. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/42 "2014-12-21T23:32:19Z")
> [@Fiveyearlurker](#): > > I think this underscores my one piece of advice that what works for one kid won’t work for another. I think sleep habits are at least partially (and probably very much) genetic. My dad didn’t sleep much, I don’t sleep much, and my kids (3 and 5) don’t sleep much. There is no scenario where we could bring them to a friend’s house and have them sleep in the corner, and no training that would have encouraged it. Both stopped napping long before their second birthday, and the oldest before his first birthday. Neither sleeps more than 8-9 hours in a day total. Luckily, what we lost at naptime, we gained at night, as both slept through the night early on, and the youngest slept through the night (through the grace of the the flying spaghetti monster) from the first night in the hospital onwards. > > I think the sad truth is that parents can encourage and aid in the process of the child’s development and make them the best they can be, but, seeing my two very, very different kids grow over the past few years, I think we are molding personalities that are largely determined from the moment sperm hits egg. > > My oldest is very clingy and wants constant attention. My youngest wants no help and would rather play by himself for hours on end. We could see that from the beginning, and I don’t think our parenting had anything to do with it. We are just working within who they are as people to help them along. This is bang on. My one piece of advice: the kid is a person. You’ll find plenty of people who tell you that you absolutely must let the kid cry it out/never let the kid cry it out/do the chicken dance outside the kid’s room, because that’s the only way to teach the baby the essential skill of sleeping through the night/sleeping through noise/sleeping in strange places/etc etc etc on and on. It’s mostly bollix. That person did it and got a result, but there’s no earthly reason to take for granted that the result was because of their technique, or that it would work for you. There are things you can do to help the kid learn to sleep, or eat well, or whatever - but those things vary from kid to kid, and none of them are foolproof. Because the kid is a person, and people are all different. Some of them sleep well, no matter what. Some can be helped to sleep well - and different things will work for different kids. Some just aren’t good sleepers, no matter what you do. You cannot turn this kid into a person it isn’t. Our first kid, at one and a half, needed 15 and a half hours’ sleep out of every 24. The second one, at the same age, needs 12. The first one could go to sleep in her buggy but would wake up the second you stopped moving; the second one would stay conked out in the buggy for the full length of her normal nap, even if you stopped moving as soon as she went to sleep. This isn’t because we did things ‘right’ with one kid and ‘wrong’ with the other; they’re just different. If the baby isn’t doing what you’d like it to do, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve fucked up as a parent. It could just mean that this baby is a person, not a blob to be formed into whatever shape you put on it. ETA: Holy crap. A three-year-old and a five-year-old who only need 8-9 hours a day TOTAL?! When do you ever get a REST?? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2014, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/43 "2014-12-21T23:39:17Z")
I do have thoughts, but as a first-time parent, you won’t listen to me. You have to learn yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2014, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/44 "2014-12-21T23:47:25Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ETA: Holy crap. A three-year-old and a five-year-old who only need 8-9 hours a day TOTAL?! When do you ever get a REST?? I only sleep about 5-6 hours a day, so during those additional 3-4 hours! But, I’m rapidly losing them as my five year old is waking up earlier and earlier (just like I did to my dad!). That said, that as I type this, he is passed out on my shoulder! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/45 "2014-12-22T00:31:50Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s been a long time since I had to get baby supplies but my experience was that the stores were always out of the little T-shirts with cuffs that go over the hands and had tons of the regular ones. Baby’s fingernail grow irregularly and they can easily scratch themselves so you need these things and you should stock up if you find them. Also make sure to get a snot-sucker, we got lots of baby supplies from people, but no one provided one of those. And stock up on disposables like diapers and wipes when they’re on sale, you’ll need a lot of them. My brother solved that problem by putting socks on his kids’ hands. As for diapers, during the last couple months of the pregnancy with #1, every time they went to the grocery store, they would pick up a pack of NEWBORN diapers. :dubious: Even I, who never had kids, thought, “What if they have a 10-pound baby?” They didn’t, and to everyone’s surprise, they did use them. Moral of the story: Stock up on the slightly bigger ones. It also doesn’t hurt to have a pack of cloth diapers handy. Even if you never use them as diapers, you can use them for other things. p.s. His kids are 13 and 15 now, and if you met them, you would find it very hard to believe that they’re related - they’re sooooo different. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/46 "2014-12-22T00:32:48Z")
As a first-time father of an 8-month-old, I came in to say what **pullin** said (but far better than I would have) in posts #3 and #4. I was lucky enough to have someone impart this to me early on (possibly even before the birth itself) and I agree 100%. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/47 "2014-12-22T01:01:38Z")
Parent of one kid, four years old. My best advice would be…don’t sweat the small stuff or even most of the big stuff. Unless you’re a totally non-functional person(which I don’t think you are 🙂 ) most everything will work out fine in the end. A lot of the crap you’ll stress out about won’t even end up mattering in the end, life goes on and things have a way or working out fine. Basically don’t stress, and enjoy. Man I’ll tell you I encourage no one to have kids, but the feeling when I come home after a long day and there is a little guy whose face lights up when he sees me and spends the next few hours wearing me out even more because he wants piggy back rides or wants to wrestle with me or wants me to pretend to be a zombie and chase him down and eat his stomach…thats pretty sweet :). ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/48 "2014-12-22T01:23:10Z")
Another reason to only buy the inexpensive white onesies, besides being able to bleach them, is that if it’s really bad, you can just cut them right off the baby and throw them away without feeling bad about it. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/49 "2014-12-22T01:27:59Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > Another reason to only buy the inexpensive white onesies, besides being able to bleach them, is that if it’s really bad, you can just cut them right off the baby and throw them away without feeling bad about it. The other issue is you’d be shocked how fast clothes will be outgrown and no longer fit, I highly advise you not to buy too much of a wardrobe and buy only cheap stuff because you’ll have to buy a whole new set a few months later. We learned what a waste it was buying nice clothes or shoes that are too small three months later, now we only buy cheap stuff and only as much as needed. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/50 "2014-12-22T02:11:42Z")
Get lots of extra teaspoons. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/51 "2014-12-22T02:32:40Z")
And if you’re kid is going to be in daycare, make sure you bank some sick days before then. Cause you’re gonna need them. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/52 "2014-12-22T05:08:20Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > The very best thing my husband and I did as parents is sleeping in shifts. This, totally. We both got a really reasonable amount of sleep, which goes against every time we heard from people “oh, be prepared to never sleep!” We slept a lot. I’m trying to think of other things that would have been handy to know immediately, like in the first three months. One piece of advice we were given, which I am glad that we took, was to make sure night feedings were food time, but not fun time. Dimly lit room, eat, burp, and then back down. It’s sort of tempting, because sometimes your sleep schedules means that YOU are more awake for the night feedings and it seems like a cute time to sing and play. We had a good transition to sleeping through the night … although it is always hard to know in hindsight if our particular baby was a good night sleeper naturally or if keeping to very low-key night feedings played a big part. My biggest advice to new parents is to think about whether it is you or your spouse who usually takes photographs of vacations, family parties, events, whatever. The person who usually does not take pictures should make some sort of effort to take more pictures. From my daughter’s first year, I have about 1,000 pictures of my husband and the baby. I have maybe 7 of me and the baby, because I am the picture taker. Even when I would ask my husband to take pictures on Christmas or whatever, he’d take one picture and then put his phone down and forget about it, so try not to be that person. Being the mom, I also slightly regret not having more pictures when I was pregnant. By the end, I looked a mess and didn’t feel that great about having my picture taken … but now I think my daughter would be interested in seeing more pictures from those last months. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/53 "2014-12-22T05:30:43Z")
Oh and I heard all the time neither of of us would get a bit of sleep in the early months etc, however it was all wrong. My son was a very unfussy baby, he basically just cried if he was hungry and that was it once he got fed he was happy again. I wish someone had warned me about the toddler years :eek: That was when neither of us got any sleep and we became prison wardens monitoring someone who was a daredevil constantly trying to blunder into dangerous situations lol. So yea no matter what advice you get, it depends on your kid’s innate personality what will apply and what won’t. ---
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/54 "2014-12-22T22:40:40Z")
This worked for us when the kids got to the temper tantrum stage. We had an egg timer, the hour glass with sands of time variety. If they were throwing a fit we would tell them they could only be mad until the sand ran out, then it was time to move on. We called it the mad-timer. Usually they got over it before the sand ran out. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/55 "2014-12-22T23:02:15Z")
Timers are great. When they start to understand time, you can say “Yes! you can play some more, I’ll put the timer on, once it rings play time is over.” If you think ahead, you don’t even have to wait for them to ask for more play time, you just let them know the timer is going on. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2014, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/56 "2014-12-23T07:20:59Z")
Parent of a 4 month old here. Just try to have as much fun as you can with it. Sure, there are a lot of parenting logistics shit you have to deal with. But don’t forget to have fun with the baby. Also, don’t forget about your wife. Your wife will probably try to take on all mommy related activities herself. So the more things you can step up and just take care of (laundry, dishes, bottle feedings) the better. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2014, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/57 "2014-12-23T12:18:20Z")
I’ve got a five month old. I think they must make a different kind of formula now because it never stains - when I babysat as a teenager it sure did, but we don’t have a problem now. Or with anything staining, actually. Go ahead and get the cute onesies. But don’t buy them new. Seriously. Goodwill. Adorable stuff, barely used if at all. Just wash it when you bring it home. Plus people will buy you clothes. Buying new baby clothes is for suckers. We use cloth diapers. Not even the fancy ones, just good quality prefolds and covers. Don’t listen to the haters, if you’re interested in it - it’s really no big deal. Trust me, you’ll be running the washing machine constantly anyway. It’s just a little more laundry and it’s cheaper (and to me much more convenient than buying disposables). The quality ones even retain their value and you can sell them. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/58 "2014-12-23T14:17:34Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > We use cloth diapers. Not even the fancy ones, just good quality prefolds and covers. Don’t listen to the haters, if you’re interested in it - it’s really no big deal. Trust me, you’ll be running the washing machine constantly anyway. It’s just a little more laundry and it’s cheaper (and to me much more convenient than buying disposables). The quality ones even retain their value and you can sell them. We did use the fancy ones (Bumgenius), but I also was surprised by how not a big deal it was. Highly recommended. Third (and final) kid due soon! ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/59 "2014-12-23T14:26:26Z")
Don’t let busybodies steal your confidence. Strangers will approach and offer criticism at the most unexpected moments. The number of blankets on your baby is all wrong, the type of diaper you use will cause instant death, they will find something wrong with what you are doing so they can tell you how they did it. Remember that they probably reared two or three kids at most, so they aren’t that far ahead in knowledge. You know your kid best. Also, if you want to put your toddler on your shoulders - look out for ceiling fans. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/60 "2014-12-23T14:26:54Z")
I gave this advice in a similar thread: In the middle of the night, when your baby is sleeping and you are exhausted and should be sleeping, and you are gripped with the panic of “What if he’s not breathing???”… Stay in bed. Relax. Close your eyes. Your baby is fine. I, in all honesty and not matter how terrible is sounds, told myself “Well, if he’s alive then I was being silly, and if he’s dead I’ll find out tomorrow.” The advice on double-making the bed so you can quick change it at night is also something I did and would highly recommend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726.md?page=4)