# Any thoughts or advice for a first-time parent? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 20, 2014, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726 "2014-12-20T11:16:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/81 "2015-01-03T10:35:32Z")
I have three in their 20’s, and by the grace of good luck, fortunate genetics, and probably a small contribution from me, they turned out to be amazing people. My advice? They grow not only faster than you imagine, but faster than you _can_ imagine. Everything you do do/for/with them, or everything you do not, ask this question, will I look back in 20 years and wish I had/had not? Because that day? Yeah, it’s pretty much here. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/82 "2015-01-03T17:36:53Z")
Listen to “The Cat’s in the Cradle” Take it to heart ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/83 "2015-01-03T19:32:05Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > I have three in their 20’s, and by the grace of good luck, fortunate genetics, and probably a small contribution from me, they turned out to be amazing people. My advice? They grow not only faster than you imagine, but faster than you _can_ imagine. Everything you do do/for/with them, or everything you do not, ask this question, will I look back in 20 years and wish I had/had not? Because that day? Yeah, it’s pretty much here. That is a really really good point. In my mind [this](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/FlyBaby_fullsize_zpscead6139.jpg) picture of son and I was taken a couple of months ago… and only a few weeks passed until [this](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/New_AL_Pilot/Dash_8_trip__027_zps6453a37f.jpg) one (showing me around his new office). I have no idea where the time went. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/84 "2015-01-03T21:21:04Z")
Don’t sweat the small stuff–and there’s a lot more small stuff than you think there is. (And don’t make the small stuff into the Big Stuff.) –phall0106, single mom who raised three awesome kids into even more awesome adults. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/85 "2015-01-04T02:16:01Z")
My kids are six and four then they haven’t died so obviously we haven’t killed them either; thus making me an expert 😉 Some parents, more often mothers than fathers, worry that little things will permanently harm their kids. As others have said, it won’t. Some people will tell you that you must do this or that with your kids. No. As others have said, you are the parent and you decide. I have a slightly different perspective. I came from a family comprised of two completely fucked up parents. As in, they should have both been sterilized. My father should have been in prison and my mother should have had decades of therapy. All of us kids have suffered horribly because of the fallout, with mental illness, depression and a host of other problems. When my kids were born I decided I needed to do whatever was necessary to break the cycle of abuse and emotional neglect. So far so good. I don’t want to turn this into a story about me, but I shared this because the difference between what my emotional state was as a child and what I can in my kids is night and day because they are getting what they need: security and love. Unless you are abusive or neglectful, all these little things that everyone insists or that you worry about are just background noise. They don’t matter. My old-time deeply religious mother was scandalized that my wife went back to work. Kids need their mother’s love and all that. Yeah, this was the woman who didn’t get us out of there when my father was beating the hell out of us. My wife is Taiwanese. I’m American. Both of our kids were born in Japan where we lived until two years ago. The three cultures have very different ideas about how kids _must_ be raised, but do you know what? Kids do fine with any of these methods. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/86 "2015-01-04T02:37:16Z")
Kids ask questions endlessly. Sometimes you have to give silly answers. Also, toilet trained kids sometimes miss. (For that matter, toilet trained adults sometimes miss too). Don’t sweat it. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/87 "2015-01-04T04:42:36Z")
Trust yourself, and read to them. A lot of libraries have baby story times. Board books can stand up to plenty of biting. We did nothing beyond reading to our kids, and the oldest just scored 224 on the PSAT. Your results may vary. Love them whether or not they meet your expectations, or better yet just keep the expectations to a minimum. Some kids sleep through the night early on (like our oldest), and some don’t sleep more than a couple hours at a time the first two years ( like our youngest). When they’re teenagers, you’ll still have to drag them out of bed. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726/88 "2015-01-04T10:46:14Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > That is a really really good point. In my mind [this](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/FlyBaby_fullsize_zpscead6139.jpg) picture of son and I was taken a couple of months ago… and only a few weeks passed until [this](http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/rbp2/New_AL_Pilot/Dash_8_trip__027_zps6453a37f.jpg) one (showing me around his new office). > > I have no idea where the time went. **Pullin** , those photos made me tear up! So lovely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-thoughts-or-advice-for-a-first-time-parent/707726.md?page=4)