# Any tips for obedience training a Zuni Fetish Warrior? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687 "2004-06-22T19:29:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/1 "2004-06-22T19:29:50Z")
I plan on buying [one](http://www.action-figure.com/Article11965.html), but Karen Black hasn’t returned my call yet… ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/2 "2004-06-22T20:11:23Z")
Yeah, if he gets gore on the living room rug, then rub his nose in it and yell “Bad Zuni Fetish Warrior” loudly in his ear, and then put him and the gore outside. And if he does something he knows is wrong, and he appears to be sulking, he’s expecting to be punished. Swat him once on the rump and be stern with him, and get it over with. In a few minutes, he’ll be fine. And if you can’t seem to get him to stop chewing on your neigbors, smear them liberally with cayenne pepper or some super hot chili sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/3 "2004-06-22T20:45:38Z")
_First_ thing to do is epoxy his necklace to him so it doesn’t fall off and come to life. Though I expect the Zuni Fetish Warrior factory has cleared up that little glitch—there was a huge class-action lawsuit when all those dolls kept coming to life and slaughtering their owners. If he _does_ come to life and start chasing you around going “_yanni yanni yanni_,” just drop-kick the little bastard out the window. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/4 "2004-06-22T20:47:30Z")
The Zuni Fetish Warrior comes to life, of course, not his necklace. Though that itself would provide another set of problems. ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/5 "2004-06-22T21:03:33Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > If he _does_ come to life and start chasing you around going “_yanni yanni yanni_,” just drop-kick the little bastard out the window. Maybe I should reconsider- a crazed Zuni Fetish Warrior doll demanding New Age music would be more than I’m willing to put up with! ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/6 "2004-06-22T21:09:52Z")
> [@bughunter](#): > > Yeah, if he gets gore on the living room rug, then rub his nose in it and yell “Bad Zuni Fetish Warrior” loudly in his ear, and then put him and the gore outside. > > And if he does something he knows is wrong, and he appears to be sulking, he’s expecting to be punished. Swat him once on the rump and be stern with him, and get it over with. In a few minutes, he’ll be fine. > > And if you can’t seem to get him to stop chewing on your neigbors, smear them liberally with cayenne pepper or some super hot chili sauce. The Barbara Woodhouse method! ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/7 "2004-06-22T21:51:50Z")
_Walkies!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/8 "2004-06-23T00:42:37Z")
I was going to post something snarky about Karen Black, but the hell with it… That movie creeped the hell out of me! Especially the final shot! I was in my mid-twenties, alone in my own apartment, and I left the lights on that night! ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/9 "2004-06-23T01:39:42Z")
To this day, he still creeps me out! **BrotherCadfael** , what just skittered under the couch behind you? ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/10 "2004-06-23T04:29:46Z")
Never try to teach a Zuni Fetish Warrior to sing–you die and it irritates the warrior. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/11 "2004-06-23T04:59:34Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > _First_ thing to do is epoxy his necklace to him so it doesn’t fall off and come to life. Though I expect the Zuni Fetish Warrior factory has cleared up that little glitch—there was a huge class-action lawsuit when all those dolls kept coming to life and slaughtering their owners. > > If he _does_ come to life and start chasing you around going “_yanni yanni yanni_,” just drop-kick the little bastard out the window. What if he starts yelling “Zamfir!” or “John Tesh!”? ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/12 "2004-06-23T05:22:06Z")
**The Zuni Fetish Warrior Manual** Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a Zuni Fetish Warrior. Owning a Zuni Fetish Warrior is a both a source of great fun and also a special responsibility. You’ll need to train your Zuni Fetish Warrior correctly in order to get the most out of it. First thing to know is that your Zuni Fetish Warrior right out of the box is a bit of a nipper. This is normal. Zuni Fetish Warriors have natural instincts that make them want to flail your flesh right off you. The easiest was to curb this instinct is to wear boots until your Zuni Fetish Warrior is house trained. … [next?] ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/13 "2004-06-23T13:22:48Z")
Is it just me or does that thing look a hell of a lot like Ronny James Dio? ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/14 "2004-06-23T13:28:53Z")
> [@oceans\_11](#): > > **BrotherCadfael** , what just skittered under the couch behind you? EEEEK! ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/15 "2004-06-23T15:19:58Z")
Hmmm, on second thought, a Zuni Fetish Warrior figure sounds like a lot of work; I wonder if I should hold out for the Zuni Fetish Queer Eye For The Straight Guy figure- the one where if the magical chain falls off, rather than chasing you around with a knife and trying to eat your soul, he follows you around giving you interior design ideas, grooming tips, and fabulous, but simple recipes… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/16 "2004-06-23T15:50:48Z")
The trick is to also get certain other products-Chuckie, The Bride Of Chuckie, etc. That way, when the toys come to life, you can easily escape while they fight amongst themselves. Or just buy a Jessica Rabbit doll. ‘Must kill and eat soul. Must kill and eat soul. Must-----Hello, nurse!’ ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/17 "2004-06-23T16:00:14Z")
Fear will keep the Zuni Fetish Warrior in line. Fear of [Bun-Bun.](http://store.sluggy.com/other-plush.html) ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/18 "2004-06-23T16:40:57Z")
Bah. Forget Bun Bun and go for [Rabbit with big pointy teeth](http://www.toyvault.com/montypython/index.html) I’ve already got a plush Cthulhu, a talking Freddy Krueger, 2 talking Crypt Keepers, and a 3-foot tall Chucky. The Zunni Fetish pales in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/19 "2004-06-23T18:09:19Z")
The Zuni Fetish Warrior has some destructive instincts which can’t just be overcome. The best thing to do is to channel those instincts. Give your Zuni Fetish Warrior something to play with that you won’t miss if it is destroyed. Your roommate’s cat, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/20 "2004-06-23T18:52:42Z")
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Zuni Fetish Warrior. Caution: Zuni Fetish Warrior may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Zuni Fetish Warrior contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use Zuni Fetish Warrior on concrete. Discontinue use of Zuni Fetish Warrior if any of the following occurs: Itching Vertigo Dizziness Tingling in extremities Loss of balance or coordination Slurred speech Temporary blindness Profuse sweating Heart palpitations If Zuni Fetish Warrior begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Zuni Fetish Warrior may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, Zuni Fetish Warrior should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration… Failure to do so relieves the makers of Zuni Fetish Warrior, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability. Ingredients of Zuni Fetish Warrior include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. Zuni Fetish Warrior has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt Zuni Fetish Warrior. Zuni Fetish Warrior comes with a lifetime guarantee. Zuni Fetish Warrior!!! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687.md?page=2)