# Any tips for obedience training a Zuni Fetish Warrior? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687 "2004-06-22T19:29:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/21 "2004-06-23T19:44:12Z")
[tom servo]Zuni Fetish Warrior! The only name you need to know for concrete and drywall construction, repair and maintenance. When your building needs work, or your work needs a building, call Zuni Fetish Warrior at 555-Zuni.[/tom servo] ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/22 "2004-06-23T20:18:37Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Zuni Fetish Warrior. > Caution: Zuni Fetish Warrior may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. > Zuni Fetish Warrior contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. > Do not use Zuni Fetish Warrior on concrete. > Discontinue use of Zuni Fetish Warrior if any of the following occurs: > > Itching > Vertigo > Dizziness > Tingling in extremities > Loss of balance or coordination > Slurred speech > Temporary blindness > Profuse sweating > Heart palpitations > > If Zuni Fetish Warrior begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. > Zuni Fetish Warrior may stick to certain types of skin. > > When not in use, Zuni Fetish Warrior should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration… > > Failure to do so relieves the makers of Zuni Fetish Warrior, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability. > > Ingredients of Zuni Fetish Warrior include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. > > Zuni Fetish Warrior has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. > > Do not taunt Zuni Fetish Warrior. > > Zuni Fetish Warrior comes with a lifetime guarantee. > > Zuni Fetish Warrior!!! > > ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES! Zuni Fetish Warrier not available in Utah or Wisconsin ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/23 "2004-06-23T20:36:32Z")
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that the Zuni Fetish Warrior is an evil killing machine, interested only in slicing you open and eating your soul; it’s important to take some time to remember that this mischievous little pixie with a toothy grin has goals and dreams, too (usually poking you with a sharp object and/or eating your soul, though sometimes it’s starting a family or a career in the hospitality industry). Remember that your Zuni Fetish Warrior craves nurturing and attention, as well as raw human flesh. A little love for this little guy will go a long way! ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/24 "2004-06-23T21:34:06Z")
Of course, the **first** thing you should do when you get one of those suckers is check to see if it’s been set on “Evil”. Once you take care of that, a Zuni Fetish Warrior will be at your beck-and-call 24/7. However, keep in mind that due to the ambient evil surrounding a Zuni Fetish Warrior (even one that’s been set to “Good”), your direct exposure should be limited to no more than 12 hours per day. If you’re around him for longer than that, you could suffer such side effects as having your eyes cross and your career dry up (e.g., see Karen Black). Scientology could also start to sound reasonable to you. ---
**Author:** ![oceans\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@oceans\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oceans_11)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/25 "2004-06-23T22:30:45Z")
> [@NDP](#): > > If you’re around him for longer than that, you could suffer such side effects as having your eyes cross and your career dry up (e.g., see Karen Black). Yowch! Oh man, I think that’s gonna leave a welt… ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/26 "2004-06-24T17:36:19Z")
“Now you too can grow a delicious, deadly herbal poison garden with the new Zuni Pet.” Song: Z-Z-Z-Zuni! Just spread the mixture of some of the deadliest plants in the world on top of your Zuni Pet, sprinkle it lightly with water and pierce your left index finger with one of it’s teeth to give it that extra touch of fresh blood. Then leave it in subdued light, and before you know it, the Zuni Pet has a huge main of beautiful, luxuriant, toxic leaves and blooms. Remember, there’s only one Zuni. Song: Z-Z-Z-Zuni. _Available at Walgreens, Woolworth, Woolco, and other fine merchants._ ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/any-tips-for-obedience-training-a-zuni-fetish-warrior/251687/27 "2004-06-24T18:12:31Z")
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