Anybody else found themselves disappointed by the gender of some poor innocent fetus?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

This is normal. I mean, it’s completely insane, but being completely insane is totally normal when you’re pregnant.

I was a little disappointed that my second baby was another girl. I’d wanted one of each! But trust me, the biggest thing about kids is that they are all individuals with very distinct personalities, and any given boy may want long hair with pink Manic Panic, while any given girl may despise pink and princesses (like my 10yo). My older girl is cautious and thoughtful; my younger is frighteningly impulsive, loud, and physical. Once you start getting to know your individual baby, you will most likely be less concerned with these issues.

As far as social crap, just last night, I told my daughter for the first time that since she’s starting to grow boobs, soon some boys and yes, some men will think it’s OK to yell disgusting things at her when she walks down the street or grab parts of her body. It was all in the context of a discussion about personal boundaries and her trouble with a (girl) friend hugging her too tight and not listening to “no.” Boys will require a different array of icky, “I hate society for making this conversation necessary” discussions, but I don’t think one or the other is necessarily easier, whether or not you’ve had personal experience.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, none of it will be easier or harder overall, just a bit different, and a lot of the differences will be due to your individual kid having his individual personality, not because of his Y chromosome.

Also, don’t worry - soon you’ll be so beside yourself with exhaustion these issues will seem laughable.

Oh, and I personally like “Jack” for a boy. Sturdy, traditional, but not overused. Lot’s of story heroes are named Jack. Everyone knows how to spell it, too.

Hang in there babe! You’re going to love him once he’s earthside, I promise. If not in the first moments, in the first weeks.

22

I think I would’ve been sad to some degree no matter what gender they said. Up until you know the gender, you have a baby boy and a baby girl. Once they tell you, one of those is gone. At least that’s how I felt.

BTW, I was leaning toward a boy and he was a boy. That didn’t keep me from mourning a bit my little girl.

Congratulations! I’ve loved raising a boy!

23

I’ll admit that I had a little cry after I learned the #1 was going to be a boy. I don’t think I have anything to say on the topic that no one else here has said, but I’ll echo the sentiment that they really are their own little person, and once you get to know them as individuals, gender doesn’t really matter.

24

Heh. I knew going into the gate that I wanted a girl more – I had a younger sister and no brothers, so I didn’t know anything about boys… So I psyched myself up by making up a list of all the things that would be great about having a boy. As I remember it went something like this (I’m sure there are several things I am forgetting now):

-I can be a great feminist mom by teaching him to do housework and cleaning up behind himself and all the things men stereotypically don’t do!
-I know some people with sons who are just amazingly wonderful
-He’s more likely to like me when he’s a teenager
-He’ll remind me of his dad, whom I love a lot
-His dad can take him to the potty when he gets a little older
-I won’t have to worry about princesses

After making that list, of course, it turned out we had a girl. And I was actually a bit disappointed because I had psyched myself so much for having a boy. But yeah, hormones, as everyone else has said…

25

I skimmed the other posts, and want to give a big thumbs up for all that was said.

Zsofia, I’m 2 months from giving birth to my fourth baby, who is supposed to be a little boy. I struggled with some guilt because I wasn’t intending on even HAVING another child (health reasons…complicated) and then when I found out that it’s a boy, I felt a little let down. I don’t *know *why! Beforehand I thought I had no preference or mental image… I am happy, though, in part because my husband wanted a son with me. Though through my previous marriage, I have a sweet, ditzy, cuddly son (who is now turning into a stinky teen).

This describes my almost 3 y.o. daughter, except she’s learning to write her letters and loves books. But she’s “boy”-er than I could have ever imagined. Hoo boy. She wears me out just looking at her.

Anyway, someone else said that you’re going to have a mental image of what the child will be like, regardless of sex, and you’ll almost certainly be wrong. That is so true.

Hope some of this made sense, as I have terrible pregnancy-induced dementia right now. Enjoy the ride. :slight_smile:

26

I know exactly how you feel. With our first two, we didn’t find out the gender beforehand. With #3, since the others were older, we did find out. They both desperately wanted a sister (I already HAVE a brother and I do not want another one!), and were … less than thrilled when the lady said that the baby has a penis. Be how he’s here and 10 months old and the cutest sweetest most mellow and social baby I’ve ever seen!

27

What they said. Totally normal, while also being totally insane, because being totally insane is totally normal for 16 weeks pregnant.

I was lucky enough to have one of each, 12 years apart so they’re both almost only children. And I gotta tell ya…I’m glad I had the boy first. He was sooooooo much easier, in every single way possible. More affectionate, sweeter, less stubborn… He was good practice for the very real battle ground that is my daughter.

While it’s true that girl clothes are awesomely fun, don’t underestimate the awwwww factor of little boy clothes, too! Hats. It’s all about cute little hats and suspenders and vests and faux neck ties.

28

If it’s any consolation, at least you’re finding out the gender relatively early.

When my mother was pregnant for her third time, she was so convinced she was having a girl (and so not using mainstream medicine at that woo and granola phase of her life) that she never checked on the gender ahead of time. The fact that she had my brother was a complete shock. She had a whole list of potential girl names and had not even thought about a boy name.

29

So much this! My son is crazy about me still, at age 9. He tells me I am beautiful and that he wishes he could marry me and when I drop him off at school, he gives me a huge kiss and runs towards the building yelling, “Bye, Mom! Love you!!!” over his shoulder while my daughter (tomboy, wears boxers, hasn’t owned a dress in 6 years) has banned all signs of affection in public.

30

I don’t like many of the common boy names out there either, but since you are a reader, I am sure there is some male name in some book that sounds nice to you. Personally, I would suggest Atticus. That would be a perfect name to set him up to become interested in reading later. :slight_smile:

Don’t think of it as that because he is a boy that your husband will be a bigger influence on him. Your son will be a better man from having your feminine influence.
My husband had a much better relationship with his mother than his dad growing up (that’s not uncommon from the men I know - a lot of them had issues with their dads, especially as teens). My MIL managed to teach my husband to be a sensitive while still being strong. Because of his mother, my husband is WAY more comfortable talking about his feelings than the average guy is.

You can still crochet cute baby things for a boy. Like a giraffe hat or a hat where a shark is eating the kid’s head or a baby lamb hat. I don’t know exactly what you’re into, but you can’t tell me that you don’t think any of that shit is cute.

Perhaps you can find some green or yellow baby clothes that are meant to be gender neutral that appeal to you?

Gender roles have become more fluid than they were when we were young. I mean, look at the whole “Brony” thing. Now, you may not want your son to grow up to be a Brony, but it just goes to show how much has changed - there is no way that the Brony thing would ever have happened in 1980s society when I was a kid. I know people who let their boys play with dolls and wear pink. Most people don’t seem to care that much anymore.

31

I’m a guy, but as a father to be my mantra was “healthy is good”. You’ll love whomever and there are pluses and minuses to both genders…But I have 3 lovely daughters.

32

While pregnant, I once had an epic crying fest over the fact that there was an exhibition football game “for the troops”, and all of those people! away from their families! I am not normally a sentimental person at all.
On the bright side, circ’ed or not, boy messy diapers are easier to clean than girl. I haven’t done this, but my mother had a great time using floating Cheerios to teach my brother to pee standing up (target practice).
The boy baby clothes are very gender-stereotypical, but as he gets older, you can get him little suspenders and newsboy caps and all sorts of boyly (as opposed to girly) cute things.

33

Actually, I was already considering Atticus for a middle name. (It’s a bit of a muchness for a first, I think.)

34

While pregnant, I once had an epic crying fest while watching The Naked Gun. Because all those people! Hitting each other! And falling down! That would really hurt in real life!

:smack:

35

For what it’s worth, I was thinking girly thoughts from the very beginning of this pregnancy, for absolutely no good reason, and then had to recalibrate everything when my little son-to-be dangled his dongle in front of the ultrasound probe.

It took me a while to readjust - I’d had girl names floating around in my head for weeks, and every time I pictured myself with my little baby, she was a girl. It’s not so much that I’m upset or disappointed that I’m having a boy… it’s just that I was so sure it was a girl, and it’s been hard to change my mindset. I didn’t cry, but I did have to take some time to accept reality. I do worry a little about him having a tighter bond with my husband than with me, and I’m a little sad that I won’t be handing down my girly storybooks and antique 1980s Barbies, but who’s to say that a daughter would have given a damn about that stuff anyway? As far as the circumcision thing goes, I’m leaving it 100% up to my husband, as he’s got the equipment and is therefore more qualified (at least, in my brain) to make that call.

Oh, and the clothes aren’t so bad, really - I’ve found tons of adorable dinosaur and monster clothes! I will be avoiding sportsball themes like the plague (but sportspuck outfits are permitted). There’s also the option of the gender-neutral stuff, which can be a little boring in green and yellow, but at least has frogs and ducks and isn’t printed all over with teeny-macho-man crap.

Don’t feel bad about the crazy emotions. You wanted/expected a girl and now you’re not getting one. You’re allowed to grieve for what you “lost” here, even if all you lost was a dream. Hell, I was sobbing in a bathroom stall about *soup *a couple months ago. Your feelings make a whole lot more sense!

36

I know of an elementary-school Atticus, actually. Myself, I just wouldn’t.

Anyhow, I think you’ve got a lot of company for wanting a girl. It’s my perception that in recent years, at least here in the States, parental preference has decidedly swung girl-wise. I’m not really sure why that is. I think girls are just seen as more manageable, and less taxing to the nerves.

Of course, you never know what’ll happen in life. I had three girls, one of them like lorene’s daughter – “(tomboy, wears boxers, hasn’t owned a dress in 6 years) has banned all signs of affection in public” – and now I have two daughters and a son.

37

And also, she knows she’s having a boy so a comment that girls can also be gay is kind of moot.

38

Well, Zsofia, in case you were thinking of abortion (and I know you aren’t) don’t come to South Dakota as the legislature has taken the proactive, and entirely unnecessary, step of outlawing abortions based on gender. Considering this has never come up, it is an entirely useless waste of legislative time.

Sometimes I weep for my state.

39

Pro tip to any other pregnant ladies reading this thread - you might want to wait until you are no longer great with child before watching Blackfish. There’s this scene in it where they’re taking baby orcas from their wild mothers and even the crusty dude who’s clearly, like, killed people for money that they interview is crying about it. I had to turn it off for a while.

40

Or that a boy won’t; he doesn’t even need to be gay (seriously, people… :rolleyes:), he may just be an antiques dealer :smiley: AY! aaaay! no! no hitting with the Barbies!