# Anybody got any clever jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602 "2017-05-14T18:19:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/21 "2017-05-17T17:43:29Z")
What do you do to an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. ---
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/22 "2017-05-17T18:14:32Z")
[QUOTE=Zsa Zsa Gabor] Men are like campfires; if you don’t keep an eye on them, they’ll go out on you! [/QUOTE] mc ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/23 "2017-05-17T18:43:04Z")
Q1: What’s purple and eats people? A1: A purple people eater. Q2: What do you call a Vatican usher? A2: A papal people seater. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/24 "2017-05-17T18:46:32Z")
I guy is getting ready for a trip to Boston. Several friends tell him, “When you get there you have to try the local fish specialty called scrod.” The guy gets off the airplane in Boston, gets in a cab, and asks the cabbie, “Do you know where I can get scrod around here?” The cabbie replies, “I’ve heard that question asked many different ways before, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/25 "2017-05-17T18:47:07Z")
> [@Marine\_One](#): > > What do you do to an elephant with three balls? > > Walk him and pitch to the rhino. This joke always reminds me of Hot Shots! (or is it part deux?) ---
**Author:** ![Mikemike2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikemike2/32/305_2.png) [@Mikemike2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikemike2)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/26 "2017-05-17T19:20:35Z")
Jeffrey Dahmer looks over at Lorena Bobbitt and says “are you going to eat that?” As seen on TV. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/27 "2017-05-17T19:43:18Z")
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. . . . Don’t ask me how they get in there. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/28 "2017-05-17T19:55:52Z")
Knock knock Who’s there? To. To who? No, to _whom_. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/29 "2017-05-17T19:57:53Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > This joke always reminds me of Hot Shots! (or is it part deux?) It reminds me of _[Lifeguard](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074798/)_. And you walk the elephant to get to the giraffe. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/30 "2017-05-17T20:38:25Z")
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting C- MOO! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/31 "2017-05-17T20:45:25Z")
This one’s visual at the end: A policeman in Rome stops a teenager on a scooter for speeding. “What’s the hurry?” he says. “Please,” the kid asks, “I must deliver this pizza to the Pope in Vatican City!” The cop thinks briefly. “All right. But the next time I see you, you have to give me half of whatever he tips you.” The kid speeds off. The following week, the cop sees the delivery boy again. “Hey! Where’s my half of the tip?” The kid says, “Oh, right.” _(Put your palm sideways, hand at head level, move your hand through the air down to stomach level. As in, the first half of a sign-of-the-cross blessing.)_ ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/32 "2017-05-17T21:01:12Z")
I’m fairly certain I’ve posted this here before, but that’s never stopped me in the past, so … Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, “Is it getting warm in here to you?” The second muffin jumps back and says “Holy crap! A talking muffin!” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/33 "2017-05-17T23:05:43Z")
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other: “How do you drive this thing?” ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/34 "2017-05-17T23:22:01Z")
Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to London? A: So the other one could drive. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/35 "2017-05-18T00:46:46Z")
A zookeeper comes in to work one day, and she sees the orangutan with a Bible in one hand, and _On the Origin of Species_ in the other. She says, “Why those two books?” The orang says, “I wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.” ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/36 "2017-05-18T01:15:44Z")
Who led the Pedant’s Revolt? Which Tyler! ---
**Author:** ![IfItComesUp6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecccb3/32.png) [@IfItComesUp6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IfItComesUp6)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/37 "2017-05-18T01:58:32Z")
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don’t. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/38 "2017-05-18T02:10:35Z")
Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? A: When he had the momentum, he couldn’t find the position; and when he found the position, he couldn’t muster up the momentum. ---
**Author:** ![trapezoidal\_jellyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6f9a4e/32.png) [@trapezoidal\_jellyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trapezoidal_jellyfish)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/39 "2017-05-18T02:37:24Z")
> [@IfItComesUp6](#): > > There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don’t. And those who never expect a joke in Base 3. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602/40 "2017-05-18T02:45:46Z")
After years of poor dental hygiene, the butler finally had to have all his teeth pulled. Now he’s an indentured servant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-got-any-clever-jokes/786602.md?page=3)