# Anybody know of a good way to get rid of smurfs? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653 "2005-06-17T04:43:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/21 "2005-06-17T12:31:49Z")
Find the blonde haired one and set her up next door. Her brood of husbands will be sure to follow. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/22 "2005-06-17T12:32:05Z")
Napalm and/or thermonuclear weapons… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/23 "2005-06-17T12:38:19Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > What might one name that cat. . . Fang, Vlad, Smaug. I’d go for a 12 gauge and bird shot. Pump or auto, which ever you feel more comfortable with. I’ve found that a .410 is quicker to fire and easier on the shoulder, but it doesn’t always knock them down. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/24 "2005-06-17T13:37:28Z")
Whatever you do don’t eat their little mushroom houses. Oh the pretty colors you will see. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/25 "2005-06-17T13:40:34Z")
Nono - you’re all wrong. What you need to do is give them all shoes! Yes! Shoes Oh…wait… that’s how you get rid of brownies. Well, damn. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/26 "2005-06-17T14:08:41Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Fang, Vlad, Smaug. Azrael? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/27 "2005-06-17T14:14:09Z")
Get a mongoose. If they can kill Cobras, Smurfs should be easy (it worked on Nag & Nagina). Otherwise, an airstrike. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/28 "2005-06-17T15:25:40Z")
I say you take off and nuke them from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/29 "2005-06-17T16:13:05Z")
I use Smurf-B-Gone. It’s kind of expensive, but it’s worth it. I sprinkle it all over the garden and lawn every three months, and I haven’t seen a smurf since I started using it. Try to keep any pets or kids you have off the lawn for a couple days after you use it. Won’t harm the garden, though. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/30 "2005-06-17T16:21:31Z")
If you can kill the one with the beard, the hive will be useless and easy fodder. Since he’s generally old, leave out an AARP magazine laced with rat poison. Another option is to spray all the smurfberry bushes with Round-Up. They’ll have no food and go colonize a less discriminating gardner’s plot. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/31 "2005-06-17T16:24:39Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > I use Smurf-B-Gone. Do you have any problem with run off into lakes or streams? ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/32 "2005-06-17T16:31:49Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Do you have any problem with run off into lakes or streams? Problem? Wouldn’t running off into lakes or streams be something you’d want to encourage in this case? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/33 "2005-06-17T16:32:09Z")
> [@MaceMan](#): > > Psychiatric medications are your best option for eradicating smurfs. :eek: Yes, I think if you’re seeing a lot of smurfs in your garden a little bit of [Risperdal](http://www.mydna.com/health/mental/schizoph/med/drugs/topics/meds/drug/risperdal.html) may be the best way to stop seeing them. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/34 "2005-06-17T16:34:32Z")
My understanding is they reproduce asexually, even thought there is a female in the group she does not bear the load of reproducing. No one knows what the females’ role is, actually. If you can capture the ‘Papa’ smurf along with the ‘Smarty’ smurf you should be able to cause an irreversible flow of chaos within the community that will quickly lead to the dispersment of its members. The other alternative, and equally effective, is to capture the female ‘Smurfette’ and use her as bait for the innevitable rescue attempts. Although this has been tried several million times by an evil, half-witted, cat owning sourcer named Gargamel, I see no reason for you not to give it a go. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/35 "2005-06-17T16:37:27Z")
Boric Acid. It eats through their skin and into the lung tissue. They suffocate if they don’t bleed to death first. Ears and noses are the trophies of the day, but let no man touch Papa Smurf. He will cross over whole. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/36 "2005-06-17T16:47:49Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > Problem? Wouldn’t running off into lakes or streams be something you’d want to encourage in this case? I was thinking of Smurf-B-Gone getting into a body of water and killing mermaids, sirens or some really tasty bass. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/37 "2005-06-17T16:58:37Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I was thinking of Smurf-B-Gone getting into a body of water and killing mermaids, sirens or some really tasty bass. Now, you could have left the B out of bass… ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/38 "2005-06-17T17:04:43Z")
Be really thorough when sweeping through - though they are often described as “three apples tall”, their actual height tends to vary upon convenience. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/39 "2005-06-17T17:37:49Z")
> [@](#): > > My understanding is they reproduce asexually, even thought there is a female in the group she does not bear the load of reproducing. No one knows what the females’ role is, actually. Save her for me. I like figuring out these things, and she’s kinda hot. [sub] Heh, heh! He said “she does not bear the load”![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653/40 "2005-06-17T18:25:22Z")
I think you should smurf. Or you could smurf them. Or you could try smurfing, although obviously that’s not good for your lawn. –Cliffy [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-know-of-a-good-way-to-get-rid-of-smurfs/308653.md?page=3)