# Anybody Need Some Tiny Rants? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 7, 2006, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561 "2006-07-07T22:08:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/301 "2006-07-18T19:14:39Z")
Mom, You are an exceptionally intelligent woman. You are able to manage an entire office and hundreds of clients so efficiently, you only have to work three days a week. You are the only person I can’t beat at Trivial Pursuit. I love you, but I have two requests: 1. When you call me and ask me to help you with a computer problem, _listen to what I say_. Sample conversation: Me: “Okay, do you see the START button, in the bottom left hand corner?” Mom: “Yes.” _(clickaclickaclickaclicka)_ Me: “Did you left-click on the START button?” Mom: “You told me to!” Me: “No, I asked if you could see it. I was going to have you right-click on it…” Mom: _clickaclickaclicka_ Me: “What are you doing now?” Mom: “That error came up again, so I closed the dialogue boxes.” (Please note, she actually _knows_ that they are called dialogue boxes. For some reason, I find this incredibly infuriating.) Me: “The same dialogue boxes you were calling me about?” Mom: “Yes” Me: “What did they say?” Mom: “I told you, I just closed them” Me: “I have to hang up the phone now because I love you” _Click_ Secondly, please stop falling for rich drunks. Twice you’ve found out that money can’t buy happiness. I’d like to keep my respect for you please. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/302 "2006-07-18T19:30:26Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] I like to think of my germophobia not as a mental state but more of as a hobby. [/QUOTE] Go ahead and indulge in your hobby. Wash your hands with antibacterial soap until they bleed, if that makes you happy. But don’t insist that I do it, too, and don’t tell me that it’s my fault if I get sick. I don’t expect anyone else to be interested in engaging in my hobby (computer gaming), so don’t expect me to engage in yours. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/303 "2006-07-18T19:37:55Z")
Somebody buy my house. Seriously. Just… just buy it. ---
**Author:** ![BrattiAtti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@BrattiAtti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrattiAtti)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/304 "2006-07-18T20:10:25Z")
Dear Instructor “for” whom I work: I wouldn’t let students I see all semester long test without their instructor’s signature saying he or she passed the class. There is no way in hell I’m going to let the guy you were calling me about ALL FUCKING DAY (!) take his test without that signature. I know how to do my job, thank you very much, and a large part of it is covering my ass. If that axe comes down, it’s not coming down on me. Love, BA P.S. He wasn’t even your student directly, so make that a double fucking hell no. Thanks. I feel better now. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/305 "2006-07-18T20:47:10Z")
A few more to add (apparently we DID need some tiny rants!) - People who drive while watching tv. I’m sorry, is this high-speed, dangerous traffic BORING YOU!?! Radio stations that cut off the last 20 seconds of a song. The song ain’t over til it’s over, and I don’t listen to the radio for the chatter and commercials. I had a third one, and now I’ve forgotten it, so I’ll just insert a generic tiny rant against my aging brain. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/306 "2006-07-18T20:59:09Z")
Produce managers at grocery stores who either **a)** Don’t stock beets or **b)** Think that $6.00 a pound is a reasonable price for plain old red beets. -Fortunately the Co-op had some nice fat organic ones for $1.49 a pound. Now my synthesis of ice cold summer borscht can proceed as planned. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/307 "2006-07-18T21:06:15Z")
To my twins - would you please just take a fucking nap? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/308 "2006-07-18T22:16:05Z")
[QUOTE=brightpenny] If I _ever_ get tempted to meet another guy advertising for dating on Craigslist, may a bolt of lightning come up through my keyboard and fry my fingers! [/QUOTE] …which is still better than eating dinner at his place, especially if his name is ‘Dave’ and if he washes his anal-beads in the dishwasher. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/309 "2006-07-19T09:08:36Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Radio stations that cut off the last 20 seconds of a song. The song ain’t over til it’s over, and I don’t listen to the radio for the chatter and commercials. [/QUOTE] May I add DJs who talk over the first 20 seconds of a song? Finish what you have to say and _then_ start the song. It seems simple enough to me. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/310 "2006-07-19T09:30:25Z")
Here’s another one: I keep reading this as **Anybody Need Some Tiny Pants?**. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/311 "2006-07-19T11:48:45Z")
Me too. It tends to blunt the edge of my raw fury. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/312 "2006-07-19T13:07:49Z")
I’ve got a few today: This one has been annoying me for ages. **You can slow down without hitting the brakes!** It’s not brake-gas-brake-gas all the time, you asshole. Then: You always used to have crappy cars, you bitch. Now that you finally have a nice one and I have a crappy one you suddenly get snotty about my car? “Are you really going to park it there? Where everyone can see?” Go to hell. Apartment people: Fix the leak, goddamn you! ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/313 "2006-07-19T14:06:02Z")
From earlier this morning. To my coworker: When you asked if I had a sec, and I told you, “Not at the moment,” I really didn’t. I was working on something and had people waiting for me to finish it so they could deliver it to our customer for approval. If you want to get all bent out of shape over it and go over my head, go right ahead and do so, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop everything in the middle of a rather fiddly project to answer your question, especially not when I’ve got a driver standing by. That doesn’t mean I don’t like you or I’m trying to be obnoxious. It just means that I’m rather busy at the moment. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/314 "2006-07-19T14:36:58Z")
To my body: quit playing around. If you’re going into labor early, just freakin’ do it already and quit giving me signs so I’m not sure if I should worry or not. I’d really prefer this baby stay in another week and a half, though, so if you could just KNOCK IT OFF, I would appreciate it. To my mom: STOP FREAKING ME OUT. Every time I call you is not a free-for-all for you to tell me I’m probably going into labor! A cough is not a sign of labor! To whatever bug snuck in yesterday when I opened the door: I saw you, bitch. I was leaving for work, so I didn’t have time to mess with you, but I saw you. I dare you to come out. Your ass is mine. I know you’re hiding somewhere in the mud room, and if you’re a spider, you’re gonna feel some heavy boots on your ass when I see you. Of course, I can always just hope the cats ate you first. E. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/315 "2006-07-19T15:04:20Z")
[QUOTE=Elza B] if you’re a spider, you’re gonna feel some heavy boots on your ass when I see you. [/QUOTE] So, what if it’s a Mommy spider with a bunch of children to feed? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/316 "2006-07-19T15:06:29Z")
Dear Landlady, KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING. Kyla ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/317 "2006-07-19T15:39:32Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] So, what if it’s a Mommy spider with a bunch of children to feed? [/QUOTE] It should’ve stayed outside where it had tomato plants and lots of vegetation to feed the baby spiders. I think it’s long-gone anyway. If we didn’t find it yesterday, it’s probably gone back outside or has burrowed into the framework of the house. I talk big 😃 . ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/318 "2006-07-19T16:08:42Z")
Another one: “I don’t have time to clean my mouse.” WTF? Do you also not have time to clean your butt, you idiotic non-savvy computer user? When I see the way you treat your PC I want to take it away and give you a steno pad. People like you don’t deserve such a nice piece of equipment. But the mouse thing is just over the top. It’s YOUR food, YOUR skin bits, YOUR hair. Clean it the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/319 "2006-07-19T16:26:56Z")
Dear radio traffic guy, “Disabled” is not a noun. When you say, “Traffic is slow on I-5 due to a disabled in the right lane,” you sound like a dipshit. Respectfully yours, ENugent ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561/320 "2006-07-19T16:30:52Z")
I believe they prefer to be called “differently abled”. Or “gimps”. Also, what are they doing on the interstate? Geez, get a car, ya gimp. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-need-some-tiny-rants/363561.md?page=17)