# Anybody want a rim job? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 26, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124 "2006-07-26T18:15:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/1 "2006-07-26T18:15:42Z")
Thanks to the fresh, new and exciting taste of **Diet Pepsi, Jazz, Black Cherry & French Vanilla** , and for a limited time only, I will be tossing salads like a mother fuck just so I can get the taste of this rancid chipmunk spunk out of my mouth. With a hook like, _“Indulge your senses.”_ on the label I was certain that I had found a new favorite among the already shitty diet soda catalog out there, but what I didn’t expect was that the only senses getting indulged were Rallo’s, the recent parolee who is more hung than a three-balled Himalayan yak and has a nasty habit of jammimg a flaming oil rag in my mouth and packing it down with a vigorous **Fight Club** face-fucking! And just what is contained within the swollen root-shaped plastic mcnasty bottle that can be used to fuck-start you when you black out from sampling this anal seepage? Let’s see: Carbonated waste water from a slaughter house septic tank, caramel color, natural & artificial flavors (extract of ass & burnt baby doll hair), phosphoric acid, ass-partame, potassium benzoate (maintains bile-like aftertaste), citric acid, potassium citrate, caffeine, acesulfame potassium (never heard of that one before, but I bet a plug nickel that it assists in rounding out the rotten haggis flavor that sits in the back of your throat for about 3 hours after you partake in this carbonated abortion), and the screaming souls of a thousand dead children. “For comments or questions,” the label informs me, “Call 1-800-433-xxxx”. Oh, you bet your fur I got questions, I got questions like Van Camp’s got beans! Like how in the fucking fuck did you get a Johnny Cash song in a bottle? and did your marketing designers do enough R&D to catch on to the fact that if you whack yourself in the nuts with a stapler while partaking in this taste bud holocaust it actually _minimizes_ the sensation of your tongue being gang raped? I got lock jaw and night vision after drinking this shit! So back your asses right the hell up and _“Indulge **your** senses”_ as I work your sphincter like fucking **Zamfir** on Desoxyn and a double shot espresso. Whatever the fuck it takes to get the taste of Pepsi’s new “Can’t-get-it-off-my-mind-or-the-back-of-my-fucking-throat” savory, septic, dog shit delight! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/2 "2006-07-26T18:18:40Z")
Yikes! I pass. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/3 "2006-07-26T18:22:13Z")
Can I approve wholheartedly of the rant \*(worst. major brand. soda. ever.) \* while politely declining the rimjob? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/4 "2006-07-26T18:25:07Z")
::applauds:: That is one fine rant. 🆒🆒🆒 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/5 "2006-07-26T18:28:07Z")
I haven’t tasted the product the OP addresses, but I would like to acknowledge the fine, imaginative use of expletives that the OP employs. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![DxZero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DxZero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DxZero)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/6 "2006-07-26T18:34:12Z")
I predict the number of views of this thread will be astronomical. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/7 "2006-07-26T18:36:11Z")
> [@DxZero](#): > > I predict the number of views of this thread will be astronomical. What percentage of them do you anticipate will be car accessory afficionados? ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/8 "2006-07-26T18:36:47Z")
Wow, you made me really curious. I might have to buy a bottle just to taste how bad it is. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/9 "2006-07-26T18:37:46Z")
Notes to self: (1) invite \*\*Euthanasiast \*\* for dinner (2) stock up on Diet Ass Pepsi (3) get some hot rim job action Sounds like a plan. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/10 "2006-07-26T18:41:20Z")
How about you just buy us a round of beers and we call it even? ---
**Author:** ![InappropriateHumor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@InappropriateHumor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InappropriateHumor)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/11 "2006-07-26T18:52:37Z")
> [@](#): > > ass-partame I have no idea why this word would make me choke on my own saliva. Bwa-ha! (cough, gasp) ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/12 "2006-07-26T19:40:36Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > ! Like how in the fucking fuck did you get a Johnny Cash song in a bottle? You had me 'til here. Johnny Cash songs in a bottle would be fucking nectar of the gods. It would turn you into a goddamned sexual tyrannosaur. They could charge $100 a bottle and it would sell like motherfucking hotcakes. That being said, fine rant. I’ll be awaiting my rimjob. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/13 "2006-07-26T19:48:44Z")
_puts car in park_ How much to just ‘Armor All®’ the tires instead? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/14 "2006-07-26T19:56:06Z")
[Product “Info”](http://www.dietpepsi.com/prodinfo4.htm) for anyone so fortunate, such as myself, as to have not actually seen this abomination yet. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/15 "2006-07-26T19:57:29Z")
So, **Euthanasiast** … how’s the “Strawberries & Cream”? ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/16 "2006-07-26T19:57:38Z")
I’ll take the rim job from **ShelliBean**. ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/17 "2006-07-26T20:03:12Z")
::sings:: sky rockets in flight, savory, septic, dog shit delight! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/18 "2006-07-26T20:26:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Let’s see: Carbonated waste water from a slaughter house septic tank, caramel color, natural & artificial flavors (extract of ass & burnt baby doll hair), phosphoric acid, ass-partame, potassium benzoate (maintains bile-like aftertaste), citric acid, potassium citrate, caffeine, acesulfame potassium (never heard of that one before, but I bet a plug nickel that it assists in rounding out the rotten haggis flavor that sits in the back of your throat for about 3 hours after you partake in this carbonated abortion), and the screaming souls of a thousand dead children. Mmmm. I’ll have what HE’S having! ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/19 "2006-07-26T20:44:21Z")
Did anyone besides me get really turned on from reading this? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124/20 "2006-07-26T20:56:40Z")
I rather like the diet coke black cherry vanilla. Hold the ass. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anybody-want-a-rim-job/366124.md?page=2)