# Anyone else find sex toys too funny/awkward to be useful? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2013, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288 "2013-08-27T11:40:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/21 "2013-08-27T18:49:15Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > My boyfriend and I have a briefcase with a variety of sex toys. Does your briefcase look like [THIS](http://www.linnslingerie.co.uk/Images/tool_box_lover_sex_machine_lg.jpg)? Holds all your toys plus it’s a toy itself! ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/22 "2013-08-27T19:23:35Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > mycoxafloppin I like the cut of your jib! …even though I’d probably go with the newer generation, Mycoxadrippin. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/23 "2013-08-27T22:02:28Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > I like the cut of your jib! I like uncut jibs as well. We have a dungeon in the attic, with lots of equipment and lots of toys. Our rule is: Never buy anything unless there’s a specific need for it that can’t be achieved by something we already have. When asked what’s in the dungeon, I can only reply with verbs, not nouns. Some of the equipment is hand-made, and there’s not name for it. But I can describe what we do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/24 "2013-08-27T22:16:25Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > But, don’t feel bad, we’ve all made similar mistakes. Imagine my embarrassment when, after many failed attempts to satisfy my lady, I learned that [this](http://www.kitchenniche.ca/images/egg%20beater%20danesco.jpg) was not a sex toy. After discharge from the ER, we both had a good laugh. You know, I remember a scene in the movie “Stripes” where this item was allegedly used. I didn’t understand how when I first saw it as a teenager, and now, many years later and with much experience under my belt (so to speak), I still don’t.😕 Can someone please explain, or at least point me toward some relevant links? (Seriously though, I never understood how that worked.) ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/25 "2013-08-27T22:40:44Z")
> [@Lucky\_13](#): > > You know, I remember a scene in the movie “Stripes” where this item was allegedly used. I didn’t understand how when I first saw it as a teenager, and now, many years later and with much experience under my belt (so to speak), I still don’t.😕 Can someone please explain, or at least point me toward some relevant links? (Seriously though, I never understood how that worked.) Ah yes, the [Aunt Jemima treatment.](http://youtu.be/-hOhhgrM3bs) It’s one of those if you don’t already know, you don’t wanna know things. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/26 "2013-08-27T23:21:50Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I like uncut jibs as well. > > We have a dungeon in the attic, with lots of equipment and lots of toys. Our rule is: Never buy anything unless there’s a specific need for it that can’t be achieved by something we already have. When asked what’s in the dungeon, I can only reply with verbs, not nouns. Some of the equipment is hand-made, and there’s not name for it. But I can describe what we do with it. I’m guessing you’re not playing Dungeons & Dragons or Chutes & Ladders in there…am I right??? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/27 "2013-08-27T23:44:34Z")
Perhaps Poop Chutes & Poppers? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/28 "2013-08-27T23:56:11Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > We have a dungeon in the attic You’ve mentioned this in other threads, and each time, my first thought is: your house is upside down. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/29 "2013-08-28T00:27:01Z")
I think we may have the OP’s example somewhere in our collection… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/30 "2013-08-28T00:29:39Z")
> [@](#): > > You’ve mentioned this in other threads, and each time, my first thought is: your house is upside down. The house is inverted too! ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/31 "2013-08-28T03:15:29Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > I think we may have the OP’s example somewhere in our collection… He’s turned bitter and unfunny, but a long time ago Gallagher had a great line: “If God was a woman, we’d have our dicks on our chins.” ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/32 "2013-08-28T03:34:10Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > Does your briefcase look like [THIS](http://www.linnslingerie.co.uk/Images/tool_box_lover_sex_machine_lg.jpg)? > > Holds all your toys plus it’s a toy itself! Ha ha! That’s a little over the top, but it would fit quite a collection of toys, no? Ours is just your run of the mill standard briefcase. Boring on the outside, but definitely not its contents. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/33 "2013-08-28T06:54:09Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > You’ve mentioned this in other threads, and each time, my first thought is: your house is upside down. 😃 If you could see the basement, and if you could see the attic . . . you’d understand. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/34 "2013-08-28T06:58:58Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > You’ve mentioned this in other threads, and each time, my first thought is: your house is upside down. 😃 Clearly the porn version of Mrs. Pigglewiggle. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/35 "2013-08-28T12:16:01Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > Yep. It works for us; it’s as good (if not better) than a box or plastic container. I think [Ikea](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VtzSDI8u2o) (SFW) have something for that … ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/36 "2013-08-28T13:08:12Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > **Lawmonkey** , I have no idea where you came up with the notion that leather caps, vests, chaps and pants with cut-out buttocks are gay, or something to giggle about—that’s pretty much my evening attire at social events. (Hint: ladies like the rugged cowboy look. Granted, I haven’t attracted any yet, but I believe that’s because too much manliness may intimidate some women. I may have to tone it down a notch with a scarf or something). > > Did I mention that the Hands-Free Muffin Tester is a fun utensil to bring to school and church bake-offs? As you know, kids and old people love to lick the batter off the beater. I’m thinking we may not be talking about the same sort of leather attire. At work now; can’t really go hunting images of it, but I can assure you: Rugged cowboy it ain’t. ---
**Author:** ![Nerdessence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/47e85d/32.png) [@Nerdessence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nerdessence)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/37 "2013-08-29T00:51:39Z")
I could _never_ use sex toys. They remind me too much of the [implements](http://www.vaginismus.com/products/vaginismus_kit_dvd) I had to use during my physical therapy for vaginismus. There was nothing sexy, naughty, _or_ funny about that period in my life or the rubbery things I had to wriggle up there. I tried for months and ended up in horrible, screaming pain. We ended up using a more gradual, natural approach. The first six months of intercourse we managed were tearful, unpleasant experiences for me. We still have to be careful, and sometimes, it still hurts no matter what. Some positions are just right out impossible without pain. Point is, when sex is _that_ precious, the idea of adding anything isn’t really necessary. Just being _able_ to is enough. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/38 "2013-08-29T03:02:36Z")
As chronicled elsewhere on the Board, one of my part-time jobs as a student at the U of Hawaii was in a 24-hour peep-show place. (Aaxtion Video on Kapiolani Boulevard, which I believe is still going strong.) They also sold porno magazines and sex toys, but I don’t think I ever saw many sex toys sold, if any. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/39 "2013-08-29T03:26:40Z")
> [@grude](#): > > \*(Link to sex toy picture) > \*[spoiler] > [http://p.twimg.com/As\_e9SbCQAE6iNb.jpg[/spoiler]](http://p.twimg.com/As_e9SbCQAE6iNb.jpg%5B/spoiler%5D) I strongly suspect that most of those would be used by women. TMI alert: If you’re like me, and you’re stranded all alone in the gas station of love and have to use the self-service pumps, they can be lifesavers. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288/40 "2013-08-29T04:15:50Z")
You can now close the thread. > **[18 More of the World's Most Disturbing Sex Toys](https://www.cracked.com/article_17372_18-more-worlds-most-disturbing-sex-toys.html)** > > We previously chronicled how in the Internet age, the whole sex toy thing has gotten completely, terrifyingly out of hand. > Well, there's a whole new generation of devices that will get your blood pumping for all the wrong reasons. So have your... On the list: #16. Disposable Canned Vagina #10. Zeus Electric Urethral Sound Kit #9. Extreme Ass Spreader #6. Drilldo [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-find-sex-toys-too-funny-awkward-to-be-useful/667288.md?page=3)