# Anyone else get bothered by others' actions, even when they don't impact you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888 "2006-05-15T20:14:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckler_of_Swashing)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/21 "2006-05-16T00:44:13Z")
Oh, ALL the time. I am quite seriously kept up at night by things which have nothing to do with me. I just lie there seething. Last night I was too pissed off to sleep over a family in the supermarket. 30yr old Mother slunk around in clothes meant for a 16yr old and enough makeup to clog the drain if she ever decides to wash it off, two little 8-10 girls wearing similarly skanky outfits. Her two little boys ran riot through the store, screaming and hitting each other, breaking things and swearing at any other shoppers who got in their way. Mum didn’t mind. On leaving the store they were cornered by security. Mum had $20-30 worth of groceries in her bag and on turning out the pockets of two of her kids - another $20 worth. It’s bad enough with the slutty clothes and the lack of parenting and the zero respect for the rest of the public and the generally bad example for them - but stealing in front of your kids? And having them steal FOR you? Arghghghhhh! So I stayed up all night seething over her/worrying about them. This happens on a very regular basis - and not always for things that might seem almost worth it - like this. Little things, someone in front of me saying something rude to the cashier at the checkout, when my friends say anything that indicates even the vaguest idea of sexism - drives me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/22 "2006-05-16T01:10:24Z")
Yes. People breaking selfishly beneficial rules bothers me not because I believe in lots of rules and regulations and hierarchy, but actually because I very much _don’t_– I believe that people have the ability to collectively adhere to a common code for the good of all, and every time someone behaves ‘badly’ it just gives more credence to the idea held by many that common folk can’t take care of themselves and need people to rule them. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/23 "2006-05-16T01:11:32Z")
Er, the ‘selfishly’ in that first sentence modifies the verb, not the noun, in case that’s not clear. ‘Selfishly beneficial’. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/24 "2006-05-16T01:34:04Z")
> [@Stainz](#): > > I very easily get in a tizzy when someone else does something that I think is “wrong”, even when it has NO impact on me whatsoever. > > This was even noted on my kindergarten report card - “ **Stainz** is too concerned with what others are doing.” > > Here is an example - there is a thread on a parenting message board to which I belong - about “free stuff”. One of the members posted that a formula company will send you a free diaper bag, a free can of formula, some coupons and a baby bottle. > > Now, this diaper bag is sweet - to get the equivalent in a store would be about $30-$40. A friend of mine had told me about it recently, so I went to the website, signed up, and received the bag etc today. The can of formula is a standard size, probably about $8-$9? > > There were at least a dozen replies to the aforementioned thread from people who created numerous email addresses / identities to get as many of these free cans of formula, diaper bags, etc as possible. One of the “ladies” was bragging that she had signed up 20 times. She said she would throw most of the bags away, but really wanted the formula, and that she didn’t feel bad because the formula companies charge so much for their products anyway. > > This bugs the hell out of me! And the fact that I’m LETTING it bug me, bugs me even more! > > It’s just an example - I’m not trying to start any kind of debate on whether these women are right or wrong - but I’m curious to know if others out there have the same issues with “minding their own business”? What are your theories on why some people spend energy on worrying about things that have nothing to do with them? > > Is it a distraction from one’s own issues? Is it a superiority complex? Is it something you used to do, but have “recovered” from? Would it be possible for you to gently suggest that the woman donate the surplus bags she receives, so that they won’t be wasted? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/25 "2006-05-16T01:46:12Z")
I am SO glad that other people are like this. I picked my username because I am somebody that will say something, if given a chance, to people that are behaving inappropriately. Lately I’ve been trying to get better. I chant to myself, “Mind your own business, mind your own business”… sometimes it works, sometimes not. I think some people are just natural-born rule-followers, I know I am. It gives me a sense of peace and order in a world of chaos to follow the rules. When I see someone else not following the rules, it threatens that sense of peace and order, and I don’t like it. My friends tell me that some day I’m going to get my ass kicked for standing up and saying something to someone, so I’ve been trying to stop doing it so much. ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/26 "2006-05-16T03:01:39Z")
Yes, I get bothered, and yes, sometimes I get obsessed with it. I’ve finally figured out that frequently getting totally ticked off at something remote from myself was a sign that my depression was getting out of control. For some reason, depression = rage for me. When I’m doing OK, I get ticked, but I can step back and look for alternative actions and solutions. Too bad it took me 20 years of temper problems to figure it out… ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/27 "2006-05-16T03:15:54Z")
I can understand what the OP is saying. Other people’s obnoxious behavior bothers me too, whether it directly affects me or not. If I think about “why?”, I would have to say it is because I try to follow the rules and behave in a socially acceptable manner while some jerk does whatever the hell they feel like and gets aways with it. The whole “it’s all about me!” attitude. It’s frustrating. Whether the act is large or small, I think the same basic principle applies. That’s the way my little pea brain sees it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/28 "2006-05-16T03:17:41Z")
> [@](#): > > **Fetchund** : For some reason, depression = rage for me. It does for a lot of people. Maybe it’s easier to feel anger than sadness. I think that I used to get high on my anger. Righteous indignation felt good. I still believe in speaking up about important things. But when something is really bothering me, I mentally list what I can do about it, then I do those things and then I let it go. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/29 "2006-05-16T12:47:00Z")
They say the things that bother us most in others are the things we dislike about ourselves. I can’t let little things that other people do bother me. For one, I don’t know anything about them, and the situation might be different than it appears on the outside. I certainly try to empathize, but I also figure I’m probably doing things that irritate other people as well. They don’t know the reasoning behind my actions, just like I don’t know the reasoning (or lack of) behind theirs. What I get worked up about is big stuff that I have zero control over, genocide in Darfur, starving people, civil war, Iraq, nuclear threat, etc. It’s not even productive, it’s just depressing. I try to say that I like to stay informed, but I take news gathering to another level when it comes to that stuff. Those are the things that keep me up at night. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/30 "2006-05-16T12:56:29Z")
For me, it’s people not returning grocery carts to a corral. Fortunately, I can let it go by the time I leave the parking lot. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/31 "2006-05-16T13:11:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Stainz: > Some anonymous driver who doesn’t use his turn signal … some lady who thinks my baby girl is a boy … some kid up the street who plays his guitar with his amp turned up WAY too loud … What? I don’t think someone can do that on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/32 "2006-05-16T15:05:57Z")
**Wookin** , here I can say that I really appreciated your shared vitriol from my graffitti post. Thank you. I had to back out of that OP when I found that I was getting entirely too worked up by the blase and/or inciting remarks of others. Haven’t even returned because I don’t want to get myself mad again. Not worth it. I just couldn’t _get_ the folks that think it’s okay. I, too, had the note from a teacher saying that I was just a bit too “exuberant, and needed to focus on my own work”. Easier said than done. And I’ll be one of many to admire your user name. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried with laughter over Eddie’s skit. Too funny. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/33 "2006-05-16T15:11:01Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > **Wookin** , here I can say that I really appreciated your shared vitriol from my graffitti post. Thank you. I had to back out of that OP when I found that I was getting entirely too worked up by the blase and/or inciting remarks of others. Haven’t even returned because I don’t want to get myself mad again. Not worth it. I just couldn’t _get_ the folks that think it’s okay. > > I, too, had the note from a teacher saying that I was just a bit too “exuberant, and needed to focus on my own work”. Easier said than done. > > And I’ll be one of many to admire your user name. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried with laughter over Eddie’s skit. Too funny. No problem, **RSSchen**! We decent, sensitive folk have to stick together 😉 (just kidding, **Ensign Edison** ) ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/34 "2006-05-16T15:12:54Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Whoa, slow down there a minute now. Who said anything about me deeming anyone indecent? I cited that thread as an example because, well, it was a recent conversation and it illustrates\* me needlessly \* caring about what others do that doesn’t affect me. I said it wasn’t particularly rational, just the way I feel. It’s the old"if you’re not with me you’re against me" syndrome 😛 In that thread you expressed your views on the matter and I respect them (actually yours isn’t the one that lit my fire, but lets not go there). In that instance, someone not being outraged over a social issue such as vandalism does not make them less nice or sensitive than I, but in the case illustrated in the OP, I’m gonna say yeah, if I take some company up on an offer that is obviously meant to be a one time deal and Jane Q. Schmuck turns it into a scam to score twenty such offers, I think that necessarily does make me a “nicer person”. Okay, fair enough. I misread the post I was replying to, then, as indicating a connection where there wasn’t one. Certainly, people who actually do bad things are different from people who just have thoughts or opinions different from ours, however incredibly wrong they obviously are. 😉 Actually, as is probably obvious, I get way more irrationally worked up over what people think than than what they do. But I have more than a few screws loose. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/35 "2006-05-16T15:24:09Z")
The other day I arrived at work and for some reason none of the people with keys to the front door had shown up. For about a half hour I and two young college-age gals waited in our cars. It was a beautiful morning, though, so I didn’t mind. I opened my car door, enjoyed the fresh morning air, and perused a book I had in the car. The young ladies, however, kept their windows closed, A/C on, and the (large) cars running. For a half hour. Jeezzz. The amount of gas they probably used would have been my commute for a week in my little economy car. I said something to one of them later about being so rich she could afford to waste that much gas. She laughed. “Oh, I’m not rich. I’m just lazy.” Of course, it’s her money, but there is a finite amount of petroleum, right? And wasn’t she in her own small way contributing to higher gas prices? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/36 "2006-05-16T16:02:21Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > A common theme I have noticed about the things that push my buttons is the EXCEPT ME concept. The offer is one per person, EXCEPT ME. People should stop at stop signs, EXCEPT ME. > > The absolute, number one violation, the thing that makes me see red, is when I see people _encourage_ their _children_ to pull stuff like this. I had to stop volunteering to work at an annual holiday party because I saw a mother instruct her children to get back in line to get a second toy from Santa. One of the little tykes said to her “but they said only one toy!” and the mother replied “nevermind about that, they’re too busy to keep track, and besides, they won’t hold up the entire line to figure out if you’ve been through before.” It _was_ very crowded, so I admit she was correct that most likely no one would press the point. There are enough toys so that everyone can have one toy, EXCEPT MY KID. That is so sad. _Instructing_ your children to be deceitful! But you hit the nail on the head with the "except me’ concept. I friend of mine worked for a time in the housing off at the large university here. You can imagine how crazy a place this as roommate assignments are made. Very correctly, they have deadlines for when you have to have your roommate preferences submitted so that assignments can be made in a timely manner. My friend told me about the parents who called and demanded changes be made, because this was THEIR CHILD. “No, no, no you stupid bureaucratic moron,” was their tone and content to my friend. “You don’t understand. This is ME. And MY CHILD. You have to make an exception.” She said she felt like answering, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t understand! It’s ALL ABOUT YOU. Not the 20,000 other kids. You.” ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/37 "2006-05-16T16:07:45Z")
I think that anything like what the OP writes about bothers other people. . .it bothers me. But, I’ll stop thinking about it the second I click “post” in this thread and start reading something else. I don’t harp on anything that’s out of my control. I’m always perplexed here at the dope when I pit something (e.g.) like a guy’s hat and someone says, “it must be tough to go through the day obsessing over what other people are doing.” No, it took a second to be bothered by the guy’s hat, and a minute to write up the post. I always figure that people who write things like that are the people who actually do obsess over other people’s actions, because that’s not even a place my mind goes. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/38 "2006-05-16T16:56:32Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > It gives me a sense of peace and order in a world of chaos to follow the rules. When I see someone else not following the rules, it threatens that sense of peace and order, and I don’t like it. That’s it for me. I always think of that _Seinfeld_ episode where George doesn’t have a watch, asks a stranger the time, who refuses to tell him, and he yells, “We’re living in a society!” Another example: When I take my daughter to school, there are two driveways in. One is clearly marked, “Buses Only.” They only want the buses going down the one driveway. Yeah, it gets the kids that much closer (not much, really) to the doors. Every day there are a few cars that just blindly zip past the large sign to drop their kids off in the bus lane. It doesn’t affect me, but it pisses me off. At the Home Depot near me, at one exit, you’re only supposed to turn right. The little concrete islands are all curved toward the right, there’s a sign that says, “Right Turn Only” and one with a left turn with a red slash through it. Pretty obvious, right? The exit is on a curve and a slight hill, so they don’t want people making dangerous lefts. Again, every time I come out of there or come down that street, there is someone who is determined to make a left. I always blow my horn at them, and they act oblivious. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/39 "2006-05-16T17:28:13Z")
There are few things in this world that annoy me nearly as much as the busybodies pointing fingers at them do. Seriously, there are things worth getting upset about, and there are things that just aren’t. Someone speeding through your neighborhood every day is worth getting upset about. Someone “stealing” free formula from a ginormous food conglomerate? I just can’t seem to find the rage. My life isn’t nearly boring enough to spend it worrying whether everyone else is following all the rules to the letter. And my life is pretty freakin’ boring, so really I feel like I should have more sympathy for the people whose perfect despair of anything interesting happening to them ever again has driven them to report their neighbors for leaving the trashcan on the sidewalk overnight. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888/40 "2006-05-16T18:38:44Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > There are few things in this world that annoy me nearly as much as the busybodies pointing fingers at them do. So, everyone should just go around doing whatever the hell they want and fuck off to everyone else. > [@](#): > > Seriously, there are things worth getting upset about, and there are things that just aren’t. Someone speeding through your neighborhood every day is worth getting upset about. Someone “stealing” free formula from a ginormous food conglomerate? I just can’t seem to find the rage. Simply a matter of perspective. Just 'cause you don’t deem it worthy of your rage doesn’t mean it’s not wrong. Unless you think someone swindling products isn’t wrong. Not saying it should be punishable by death, just that it makes that individual somewhat of an asshole, in my opinion. > [@](#): > > My life isn’t nearly boring enough to spend it worrying whether everyone else is following all the rules to the letter. Your condescending tone aside, there’s a big difference between "following all the rules to the letter " and out and out criminal acts, such as stealing and vandalism. There’s also no law that says some bimbo can’t sit in her big fat SUV for a half an hour and waste her own gas / money, but it’s pretty noteworthy in it’s stupidity. Living in civilized society necessitates a certain amount of agreement as to what is and isn’t acceptable. > [@](#): > > And my life is pretty freakin’ boring, so really I feel like I should have more sympathy for the people whose perfect despair of anything interesting happening to them ever again has driven them to report their neighbors for leaving the trashcan on the sidewalk overnight. This is not only rude but ridiculous. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-get-bothered-by-others-actions-even-when-they-dont-impact-you/356888.md?page=3)