# Anyone else have trouble interacting with people they find very attractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 11, 2012, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384 "2012-09-11T09:15:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/41 "2012-09-12T12:56:20Z")
> [@bldysabba](#): > > Heh, thanks for the booster. The issue is, when I like them, they stop liking me. Then it becomes my problem 🙂 No problem, man. Oh, “nice rack” was just my shorthand for saying “attractive” in whatever way that means to you. Good personality, pretty, good skin, whatever. I don’t know you personally, but it’s a good assumption to make, I find, that you’re just as good as anyone else. Maybe you’re not a grandmaster at chess, but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying a good game, so long as you don’t get hustled by some Ukranians at the park (don’t worry, Ukranians – not hating on you, just speaking from experience as an extremely poor player who gets in over my head occasionally, and alcohol may have been involved, and likes to gamble with money). Hey, I thought my repurposing of PUA was kind of good. Oh well. You do know what that means, right? PUA is like those creepers who fancy themselves artists at manipulating people into being “picked-up.” Eh, I don’t care one way or the other – good for them, I guess, as long as everyone’s having fun – but it seems a special brand of pathetic to me. What was that Yoda guy all on, like “there is no try, do or do not” or something? ---
**Author:** ![Weeping\_Wyvern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@Weeping\_Wyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weeping_Wyvern)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/42 "2012-09-12T13:48:30Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Yes. If I am alone with a woman I find attractive, my brain turns to jelly and slowly flows out my left ear. This in spite of the fact that I would never ever consider hurting Kevbabe or my own integrity by hitting on or otherwise behaving less than appropriately with the hottie. > > I will typically find some way to introduce a “chaperone” into the situation. Having a third party present seems effective at preventing my brain from melting, and allowing me to focus on the less attractive traits of the hottie. Usually after a few minutes interaction I have become sufficiently repulsed to function as a thinking human being again. It’s exactly the opposite for me… I find it much easier to interact with individual people. Groups make me nervous. On the (rare) occasions when I’m alone with an attractive female, I’m usually very comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/43 "2012-09-12T14:50:37Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Yes. If I am alone with a woman I find attractive, my brain turns to jelly and slowly flows out my left ear. This in spite of the fact that I would never ever consider hurting Kevbabe or my own integrity by hitting on or otherwise behaving less than appropriately with the hottie. [Men become stupid when around women](http://www.indianexpress.com/news/men-become-stupid-when-around-women/923666/) we are just trying to fit in.😉 I try to think that I have to listen more and focus on the conversation. pat myself on the back whenever I am able to do that. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/44 "2012-09-12T16:20:09Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > While most of your comment comes off rather bitter I’d like to focus on this part. Seriously? Lying to her simply because he likes the way she looks? Advice like this right here always makes me doubt the “But I’m a niiiiiiiiiiiiice guy, why doesn’t she like meeeeeeee?” threads around this joint. Maybe women are picking up your disdain for them when you attempt to chat them up? Also, adding thousands of dollars to your income is hardly a small lie. While your income is certainly none of her business I think it speaks volumes about how you see the opposite sex. Part of me wants to believe this is part of the “phenomenal” sense of humor you claim but it matches the flavor of the rest of your comment too closely for me to think that. “But **Sleeps** , what else do you expect me to do when trying to get in the pants of some female? Women sayyyy they want someone nice and caring but always go for assholes because they’re totally shallow (oh and stupid, too, for believing what have to be total lies). I’M A NICE GUY, DAMMIT. _ **WHY CAN’T THESE GODDAMNED WHORE-BITCHES SEE THAT???** _” ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/45 "2012-09-12T21:00:36Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > “But **Sleeps** , what else do you expect me to do when trying to get in the pants of some female? Women sayyyy they want someone nice and caring but always go for assholes because they’re totally shallow (oh and stupid, too, for believing what have to be total lies). I’M A NICE GUY, DAMMIT. _ **WHY CAN’T THESE GODDAMNED WHORE-BITCHES SEE THAT???** _” I wish I could answer you but I’m currently taking advantage of mall wifi while hiding behind a rack of clothes at Banana Republic. The mall security chased me this way and I have to wait for him to double back so I can take another shot at duck calls in the fountain. O the delicious way it soaks my shoes while I twirl around with my arms in the air to demonstrate to men everywhere my quirkiness and batshit nuttery. Eep, I think he spotted me. Gotta go! ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/46 "2012-09-12T23:14:15Z")
y’all are adorable, seriously. I read some of the posts here, and I am proud to be a member of the same species. PROUD, I say! post on, folks! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/47 "2012-09-13T01:00:13Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I wish I could answer you but I’m currently taking advantage of mall wifi while hiding behind a rack of clothes at Banana Republic. The mall security chased me this way and I have to wait for him to double back so I can take another shot at duck calls in the fountain. O the delicious way it soaks my shoes while I twirl around with my arms in the air to demonstrate to men everywhere my quirkiness and batshit nuttery. Eep, I think he spotted me. Gotta go! You sound… kinda hot 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/48 "2012-09-13T02:52:30Z")
Honestly, just learn to communicate with everyone around you. I go out of my way to talk to all kinds of people and just say whatever comes to mind first. But don’t say to much. Trust your instincts. High self confidence can help a lot with this too. I like to use affirmations and I say to myself on a pretty frequent basis, “I’m good looking, strong, kind, confident and easy-going. Total package/Can’t be touched.” Also, when you see someone you’re attracted to, Say something, go slowly, breathe deeply, listen closely and tread lightly. Stick with it, too. Don’t run. Remember, they are people too. ---
**Author:** ![Greekfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@Greekfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greekfreak)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/49 "2012-09-13T03:34:38Z")
A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that because the “hot” friend really digs them, that the “chubby” friend should go nuts over them–but it doesn’t always work out that way. There was a Persian/French broad in my college that I was over the moon for. I was in very good shape back then, I had a great rap, great sense of humour, great style, but I never once felt like I was in her league so it was always reasonably awkward. Married now, so my confidence is at an all-time high, now that there’s no chance of anything happening. I still like the “chatting up” part but I’ve lost the fear of rejection. And the wedding ring actually makes you more appealing for some strange reason. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/50 "2012-09-13T05:31:37Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I haven’t feel nervous around a guy I find very attractive in a long, long time, maybe since freshman year of college. Me neither. For me it also has a lot to do with how many fucks I give, which has decreased exponentially since my high school years. High school - had no idea how to interact with guys I liked, so I ended up coming off as a crazy stalker psychopath and scaring them away College - more self-realization but still ignorant as to how to do this flirting thing, so as soon as any attractive guy mad a move in my direction my brain would freeze and I would just stare at them and smile manically until they backed away Grad school - older and wiser and full of regret that I didn’t know how to flirt like a normal person back in my college days, especially when I was travelling by myself in Europe and met so many hot single guys waaahhhhh ☹ Now - honey badger don’t care ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/51 "2012-09-13T05:35:21Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Are there, say, 40 year old women who can’t keep their shit together around attractive men? (raises hand) Happened just this weekend. :o ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/52 "2012-09-14T01:32:22Z")
There are two things going on here. One is how people act when they are very attracted to someone. The other is your inappropriate level of emotional investment in a stranger. Everyone feels a bit giddy around someone who they’re strongly attracted to. You learn to handle it through practice. I’ve spent years dealing with social situations that are often way outside my normal comfort zone. You get used to it. Compared to being the token straight boy at a party and being hit on by a dominant leather bear with no sense of personal space, or making a speech in a foreign language to a crowd of a couple of thousand, starting a conversation with a pretty girl is nothing. Attempting to introduce myself to a PlayBoy model might rate around a 6 on my emotional Stress ‘O’ Meter. Seven if she’s dressed for a photo shoot. The latter problem you’ve got is partially a function of maturity. As you mature emotionally, you should learn to separate attraction from the other mental clutter. If you’re investing your entire world into a person you barely know, you’re setting yourself up for emotional hell. And if you fall for women like this, oh boy, are you in for a ride on the crazy train. Believe me, I know. I dated a couple of girls like this in my teens to early twenties, when I was still into “fixing” abused and/or batshit insane people. Used to be that anyone I was inexplicably attracted to from across the room was damaged in some way. Why? Because I was compatibly insane. I’d invest everything into girls who were a bottomless vortex of need and weirdness. On the plus side: “I love to get tied up and fucked like a whore.” On the minus side: “I went up to a hotel room with two marines and got raped until I bled. I’m not going to report it to the police. Hold me.” Different girls, same relationship dynamics. I stopped being attracted to women like this when I figured out how to separate my adolescent relationship fantasies from my real emotional needs and square everything with reality. I learned from experience what was appropriate in a relationship, what was healthy for me, and what I was likely to receive from another person. Maturity doesn’t necessarily increase with age. My favorite analogy for relationships is that they’re like qualifying for a pilot’s license. Experience counts; recent experience counts even more than cumulative experience. Some people never really “get” how to recover from a stall, or land without driving the landing gear up into the wheel wells, no matter how many times they do it. But even with the hopelessly inept, experience helps mitigate some of the more egregious mistakes. I knew some people who didn’t start having serious (i.e. sexual) relationships until university. They acted like 14 year old recently-ex-virgins even if they were in their mid-20s. People who’d been fucking since they got halfway through puberty had already gotten past most of the bullshit. Unfortunately, if you’re feeling this way as a 41 year old, I’ve got news for you, you need to grow the fuck up. She’s not your muse. She’s a person with her own needs — and they are probably considerable, judging from the behavior you describe. By weighting her with all of your emotional baggage, you’re making her responsible for your happiness. Nice for you since you get to blame her for your pain. And since she feels nothing like the emotional attachment that you’ve forged on your side, she’s going to be _at best_ bewildered by your behavior. At worst, she’ll think you’re a nutbag. How would you react if the situation were reversed? Some older chick comes up to you in a nervous sweat, making stammering attempts at conversation. Stares at you. Reacts very strongly to any indication of interest on your part. Most guys with any sense would run as fast as they could in the other direction. Young and/or stupid guys might stick their dick in the crazy before they run. Either way, the chick should really have POTENTIAL BUNNY-BOILER tattooed on her forehead as a warning sign for the congenitally oblivious. That’s probably how you come across to any women with sense. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384/53 "2012-09-14T01:57:43Z")
No, I don’t have much of a problem dealing with staggeringly beautiful women. Then again, I’m in IT, so it doesn’t come up often. 🙂 More seriously, I also have a degree in music, and a disproportionately-large number of the women in the department were drop-dead gorgeous. I got used to it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-else-have-trouble-interacting-with-people-they-find-very-attractive/634384.md?page=2)