# Anyone ever confronted a compulsive/pathological liar? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151 "2016-12-07T23:48:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dereknocue67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dereknocue67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dereknocue67)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/81 "2016-12-13T09:10:11Z")
Confronting a liar about lying is similar to having a discussion with a drunk about say, physics. Neither will leave the discussion enlightened. ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_Smythe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Jane\_Smythe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_Smythe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/82 "2016-12-13T09:52:51Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > If so, how did it turn out? > > I have never met a bonafied habitual liar–someone I knew for an absolute fact was a liar. A long time ago, I worked with a woman who everyone suspected with a compulsive liar because she would try to one-up you at every turn, and not in a way that would even be believable. Like, if you told her you went skydiving once, she’ll you tell she’s a certified professional skydiver who once skydived on the Moon. > > Everyone I worked with had the same suspicion about this girl, and they would find ways to poke holes in her story. But there was never any smoking gun. Well, I take that back. Eventually she was fired because she got caught in a lie by the boss. But I don’t know if it was a pathological lie or the normal kind of lying that people get fired for. > > I’m starting to suspect that another coworker (yes, THAT one ;)) may also have some lyin’ tendencies. > > I’d like to hear other people’s experiences with this phenomenon. I’m not going to front and act like I don’t understand how people get caught up in a web of lies, because I totally do. People want to be liked and held in high esteem, so they’ll lie to “fake it till they make it”. Some degree of social deceit is expected and even encouraged. But I don’t understand lying about things that don’t need to lied about, or telling a lie that makes the liar look _worse_ than if they had said nothing. I’d love it if someone can provide some insight. I don’t think you can ‘confront’ such a person. He/she will just respond with more lies. It’s better to just write that person off. If you are forced to work with him/her, just avoid contact as much as possible. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/83 "2016-12-13T11:22:38Z")
> [@Dereknocue67](#): > > Confronting a liar about lying is similar to having a discussion with a drunk about say, physics. Neither will leave the discussion enlightened. Well, unless the drunk is a physicist. ---
**Author:** ![Maurie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Maurie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maurie)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/84 "2016-12-13T15:39:52Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > **Maurie** , did anyone ever catch you in a life? I think I may have been questioned suspiciously a time or two (and probably doubled down on defensive lies) but I don’t remember ever being flat-out called out on anything. > [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I was impressed by the way you grasped the real meaning of certain types of fibs. You did a beautiful job of expressing it and it gave me a more complete perspective on something I was already sympathetic to. Thank you for that! I’m glad. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/85 "2016-12-13T19:05:47Z")
What I find interesting is how people deal with them: It seems that a lot of the time people just rolleyes and go with the flow, kind of accepting (friendly) liars as they are, and going on with their lives. There were several comments about how many liars will just shrug off getting caught in lies. But it seems that their audience frequently shrugged it off as well. I guess the ones who figured that the consequences of getting caught were low were right. Reminds me of a recent election… ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/86 "2016-12-15T04:10:45Z")
> [@appleaday](#): > > Personally, I don’t think of exaggeration as real lying (although, technically, I suppose it is). Who doesn’t exaggerate now and then? Yeah, I still do it a bit, backpedaling happens if I realise it sounds ridiculous or if I get called on it 🙂 As you point out (nearly) everybody does it and it’s often for comedic/dramatic effect so fessing up is fine. Mind you I also do this British thing of using the old intentional understatement. “I’ve won a few races.” says the Olympic Gold Medalist “I’ve climbed the odd mountain.” Sir Edmund Hilary. “I’ve read a bit about Hellenistic history” Me. The handy thing about this is that when the listener knows you’re doing it they may actually imagine you have done more than you actually have! ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/87 "2016-12-15T04:11:46Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > I think I may have been questioned suspiciously a time or two (and probably doubled down on defensive lies) but I don’t remember ever being flat-out called out on anything. > Thank you for that! I’m glad. Yes that was a lovely account. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/88 "2016-12-15T05:39:18Z")
I’ll just add the story of a particularly bizarre lie I was told by a pathological liar that I knew in high school. When I first got to know him, I developed an intense crush on him (never reciprocated), but it gradually withered away as I realized his stories couldn’t possibly be true. This is the story that made me finally, irrevocably realize what a loser he was: he made the completely pointless claim that his eyes “changed all the time” (as in, the degree to which he was nearsighted or far-sighted) and so he had about 10 pairs of eyeglasses, which he used interchangeably according to whether he was slightly nearsighted, very far-sighted, etc. Since his eyes might change every few hours or so, some days he wore 3 or 4 different pairs of glasses with different prescriptions. That’s a pretty dumb lie. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/89 "2016-12-15T09:45:51Z")
MIL is a complete narcissist and compulsive liar. When challenged, she does one or a combination of the following: - denies ever saying it - denies any memory of what you’re talking about - tells you it was all a joke and you should have known she wasn’t serious - doubles down and keeps defending her stupid, pointless lie in the face of mounting evidence. - goes on the attack, derailing the conversation on to a scapegoat/strawman. - acts injured and demands sympathy. What she never does is admit to the lie or apologise for the lie. ---
**Author:** ![Mavis\_Topholese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@Mavis\_Topholese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mavis_Topholese)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/90 "2016-12-15T15:01:48Z")
Was involved with a group of teenage comic book artists in the late 1980s during the black-and-white comics boom. Our little “comic book company” was “managed” by a guy who fancied himself the next Stan Lee. He let it be known that our new company was sure to be a success due to his uncle, who was (name redacted), who at the time was editor-in-chief of one of the two major United States comic book publishers. That summer, the local comic book convention came around and one of the guests was this supposed uncle. Turns out he never heard of our friend. Later in college I ran into this guy in the college bookstore; he claimed he’d spent the intervening years flying stealth fighters in the recently-completed Gulf War. Sure you did, pal. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2016, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/91 "2016-12-16T05:26:16Z")
> [@Mavis\_Topholese](#): > > Later in college I ran into this guy in the college bookstore; he claimed he’d spent the intervening years flying stealth fighters in the recently-completed Gulf War. Sure you did, pal. Thailand is chock full of supposed ex-Special Forces, supposed ex-CIA, supposed ex-Green Berets etc. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2016, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/92 "2016-12-16T05:34:38Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Thailand is chock full of supposed ex-Special Forces, supposed ex-CIA, supposed ex-Green Berets etc. I’ve read that lying is an easier thing for some Western men to get away with, trying to impress local Asian women (although the ex-Special Forces thing you describe sounds more like someone trying to impress fellow white Americans than locals.) Supposedly, there are white men in Asian countries who will lie about all sorts of experiences or travels or talents or whatnot that they haven’t done, trying to fool local women (some of whom are easily drawn to white foreigner men anyway) into sex, etc. Hard to verify/debunk a pickup artist in that setting. ---
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/93 "2016-12-17T06:47:24Z")
Family member notices that now that I have a boyfriend, she is not getting the attention she requires. Why, sometimes when she makes one of her several-times-daily calls just to say hello, I don’t answer. Clearly, he has to go. She places a phone call to him, making a hilariously inept attempt at seduction. Later, she breaks the news to me that he has been hitting on her, she hadn’t wanted to tell me, but he called her and said certain things. She begins recounting the phone call, switching what she said with what he said. Me, cutting in: I know about the phone call. Her, exploding: He had no right to tell you. That was a private conversation between me and him. Me: Uh, I was sitting right there when you called. Her, realizing she’s been caught: [bursts into tears] I only want what’s best for you, I’m only doing what I have to do, the two of you need to break up. Me: Cut it out. Her: [changing to self pity] You don’t love me. You don’t need me. I should just leave. Me, eventually: GTFO of my life. [Emerges from nightmare] Moral of the story: Borderline Personality Disorder sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/94 "2016-12-17T17:44:26Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’ve read that lying is an easier thing for some Western men to get away with, trying to impress local Asian women (although the ex-Special Forces thing you describe sounds more like someone trying to impress fellow white Americans than locals.) > > Supposedly, there are white men in Asian countries who will lie about all sorts of experiences or travels or talents or whatnot that they haven’t done, trying to fool local women (some of whom are easily drawn to white foreigner men anyway) into sex, etc. Hard to verify/debunk a pickup artist in that setting. In my example, it is indeed blowhards in bars trying to yank the chain of their fellow Westerners. Only the very greenest of newbies ever believe this crap, but these jerks persist. There actually are, for example, some British ex-SAS bar owners, and to a man they point out that real ex-SAS would never go around bragging about their exploits. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151/95 "2016-12-19T14:57:07Z")
The store I work at cannot take back aluminium tins. Guy tries to return two shopping bags full. Me: I’m sorry, we cannot take back aluminium tins. Guy: I returned some last week. Me, thinking “you liar” No, you did not. We cannot take them back. Guy: Why the hell not? Me: The Health Dept will not let us. Guy, screaming: That’s a bunch of bullshit. At that point, the manager took over, and the pathological liar left with his tins. And I found out there’s a kosher issue involved. How do we know the guy didn’t cook something non-kosher in that tin (or even allow it to touch a piece of uncooked ham) and then return it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-ever-confronted-a-compulsive-pathological-liar/774151.md?page=4)