# Anyone here been on the STAGE?  Any pointers for a theatrical virgin?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-here-been-on-the-stage-any-pointers-for-a-theatrical-virgin/71344>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 5, 2001, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-here-been-on-the-stage-any-pointers-for-a-theatrical-virgin/71344 "2001-07-05T13:43:43Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\
**Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-here-been-on-the-stage-any-pointers-for-a-theatrical-virgin/71344/41 "2001-07-07T02:49:58Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by screech-owl \*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Punoqllads \*  
> > \*\*…7) Don’t poke yourself in the eye with a metal coathanger during intermission. When they said the show must go on, they weren’t kidding. \*\*
> 
> :eek: Are you speaking from experience here? Obviously, someone wished you ‘good luck’ prior to the show!

Yup. I was a hyperactive, bored nine-year-old in some babes-in-toyland derivative, and got it in my head that I could while away the time backstage playing with the damn thing. Oops.

Then there was the time I yanked the stage door into my large toe, popping the nail off. But that was after my last scene, so I didn’t have to go back out except for curtain call, by which time the bleeding had stopped.

I was a regular klutz. I think I had at least one accident every play for the first four or so I was in. No ‘good luck’ wishes needed.

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**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\
**Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-here-been-on-the-stage-any-pointers-for-a-theatrical-virgin/71344/42 "2001-07-07T03:37:00Z")

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A well-known actor, very much the worse for wear, staggered onto stage on cue (probably having been pushed) and looked about him with a vacant stare.

The prompter stage-whispered, “Do you want the next line?”

Whereupon the actor said, “Next line, hell! What’s the _play_?”

A critic once reviewed a play and called actor Smith “the worst actor in the world”. Smith sued for libel and won. The next time the critic reviewed a play that Smith was in, he said, “As for Smith’s performance, it was not up to his usual standard.”

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