# Anyone know anything about encouraging Alien Abductions?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 9, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389 "2003-10-09T01:36:48Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/1 "2003-10-09T01:36:48Z")
Many years ago I was witness to a failed alien abduction. I promise you, I am not making this up. It was the early '80s, and I was around 10 years old. I was camping with my family and friends at a nearby state park, and I was sitting by the lake admiring a gorgeous moon in a completely cloudless sky. Man, what a night. Suddenly, out of the pristinely clear night sky came a beam of some sort! The thing missed me by about 12", and didn’t repeat. It hit the ground on my right side, and I fell outta my chair to the left. Wow! Man, **WHAT A NIGHT!!!**
The next morning I investigated the area under daylight and found a hole in the ground beside my chair. A hole that hadn’t been there the day before. Strangely, it smelled of sweet pickles. It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was almost an abductee. I mean, c’mon, the moon doesn’t just throw sweet-pickle-smelling beams of light around. There was some serious technology behind that, despite the failed attempt at collecting a weird little 10 year old boy. I assume that, while their technology is so far ahead of ours today, back then they were just catching up. That’s why their beam missed me when they tried to teleport me to the craft. Either that or they were trying to vaporize me and missed. Either way, I missed out on some serious childhood excitement. So, over 20 years later, I’ve been on a kick of recapturing memories from my youth. Visiting old places. Reading old books. Doing old things. Which brings me to this. Is there any way to actually _encourage_ aliens to abduct me? I’d like to know just what I missed as a result of their faulty technology. Do they have a craft from that era that I might see? Also, is anyone familiar with the alien craft technology from the early 1980s? Was that just a test or did they legitimately miss? And, more importantly, why did it smell of sweet pickles? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/2 "2003-10-09T01:39:57Z")
:dubious:
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### Author:  [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/3 "2003-10-09T01:45:23Z")
Collect you and missed? I doubt it. They were after analy probing earth worms if you ask me.
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### Author:  [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/4 "2003-10-09T01:47:02Z")
See, you have to _tighten_ the tin-foil hats. If it’s cutting off all circulation, you’re travelling in the right direction.
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/5 "2003-10-09T01:50:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gadfly \*
> \*\*See, you have to _tighten_ the tin-foil hats. If it’s cutting off all circulation, you’re travelling in the right direction. \*\*
See, I thought tin foil hats were supposed to _prevent_ abduction and mind-control. That’s why I ditched mine earlier this year. Am I wrong?
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### Author:  [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/6 "2003-10-09T01:54:51Z")
Rock, dude, 20 years ago? Ever think it might be a Star Wars/SDI test / malfunction?
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/7 "2003-10-09T01:59:10Z")
I find almost all of my alien abductions to be encouraging.
They usually chat me up and comment on my good looks and then slip me a fiver before putting me back.
One kind of irksome thing, though… They always put me back one day _before_ the abduction. So that means I have to spend a whole day avoiding the past me before the abduction.
It’s worth it, though. Hey! I get a vacation, a compliment, and some dough. Cool, no?
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### Author:  [@mrsface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrsface)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/8 "2003-10-09T02:02:55Z")
I’ve heard they’ve lost interest in Americans - you’ve all seen too many abduction films and you’re no longer considered suitably naive subjects for their experiments.
Reliable sources tell me the current interest is in abducting men who stroll naked down British supermarket aisles.
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/9 "2003-10-09T02:04:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \*
> \*\*I find almost all of my alien abductions to be encouraging.
>
> They usually chat me up and comment on my good looks and then slip me a fiver before putting me back.
>
> One kind of irksome thing, though… They always put me back one day _before_ the abduction. So that means I have to spend a whole day avoiding the past me before the abduction.
>
> It’s worth it, though. Hey! I get a vacation, a compliment, and some dough. Cool, no? \*\*
**SWEEEEEET!!!**
Now, _THAT’S_ what I’m looking for (Man, I could use a vacation right now). 😃
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/10 "2003-10-09T02:05:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by mrsface \*
> \*\*I’ve heard they’ve lost interest in Americans - you’ve all seen too many abduction films and you’re no longer considered suitably naive subjects for their experiments.
>
> Reliable sources tell me the current interest is in abducting men who stroll naked down British supermarket aisles. \*\*
Does one have to be a native resident, or would a visitor be acceptable?
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### Author:  [@Govindha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Govindha)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/11 "2003-10-09T02:07:25Z")
The last time I was abducted, I specifically remember taking large doses of LSD and watching a star trek marathon… It must be a mixture of the two.
Try taking the acid, going back to the wooded area(works best if you go alone and wear different coloered socks)and watch some sort of star trek type show two hours before you go. You must be hyped up and under no circumstances should you for any reason have any doubt in your mind that you are not brain damaged…
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### Author:  [@mrsface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrsface)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/12 "2003-10-09T02:14:33Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by peritrochoid \*
> \*\*Does one have to be a native resident, or would a visitor be acceptable? \*\*
You should definitely pretend to be British. Always wear shoes and socks along with your naked body, and shout out things like “I am the next candidate for the Tory leadership”. This will show the aliens you are British.
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/13 "2003-10-09T02:16:09Z")
I have a GREAT fake accent. Do they go for fake accents?
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/14 "2003-10-09T03:11:26Z")
I haven’t been abducted myself, but I actually have a [photograph](http://community.webshots.com/photo/735286/93992866tmZGCh) of an abduction attempt. I was able to rescue the intended victim, but it was a close call.
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/15 "2003-10-09T03:15:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by EddyTeddyFreddy \*
> \*\*I haven’t been abducted myself, but I actually have a [photograph](http://community.webshots.com/photo/735286/93992866tmZGCh) of an abduction attempt. I was able to rescue the intended victim, but it was a close call. \*\*
😃
OOOOOH! If they come back, send them my way!
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/16 "2003-10-09T03:25:19Z")
Oh yeah, I almost forgot…
you have to have funkentelechy
just FYI
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/17 "2003-10-09T03:29:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \*
> \*\*Oh yeah, I almost forgot…
>
> you have to have funkentelechy
> just FYI \*\*
Oh my! :eek:
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### Author:  [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/18 "2003-10-09T04:08:11Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by peritrochoid \*
> \*\*I have a GREAT fake accent. Do they go for fake accents? \*\*
Yes. Especially whiny, Eric Cartman impressions. Try saying “I AM NOT FAT!! I’M JUST BIG BONED!!” through your nose, and wear a lot of extra padding. Careful of those anal probes, tho…
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### Author:  [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/19 "2003-10-09T04:12:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Maureen \*
> \*\*Careful of those anal probes, tho… \*\*
I heard those are fictional … made up for American cinema.
Hopefully.
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### Author:  [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2003, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-anything-about-encouraging-alien-abductions/206389/20 "2003-10-09T11:35:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by peritrochoid \*
> \*\*I heard those are fictional … made up for American cinema.
>
> Hopefully. \*\*
Unfortunatly, there not. ☹
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