# Anyone know of any math jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 22, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162 "2002-07-22T02:35:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/1 "2002-07-22T02:35:16Z")
Well, the subject head pretty much says it all. So, does anyone here know of any math related jokes? ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/2 "2002-07-22T02:37:39Z")
Q: Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate [eight] nine Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![Ripple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Ripple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ripple)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/3 "2002-07-22T02:48:14Z")
You mean like the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a slide rule On second though, you were probably looking for something post-1950, and funny. ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/4 "2002-07-22T02:49:07Z")
2 + 2 = 5 for large values of 2. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/5 "2002-07-22T02:56:23Z")
The old standby: There was an Indian Chief, and he had three squaws, and kept them in three teepees. When he would come home late from hunting, he would not know which teepee contained which squaw, since it was dark. He went hunting one day, and killed a hippopotamus, a bear, and a buffalo. He put the a hide from each animal into a different teepee, so that when he came home late, he could feel inside the teepee and he would know which squaw was inside. Well after about a year, all three squaws had children. The squaw on the bear had a baby boy, the squaw on the buffalo hide had a baby girl. But the squaw on the hippopotamus had a girl and a boy. So what is the moral of the story? The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides. ---
**Author:** ![peasea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@peasea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peasea)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/6 "2002-07-22T02:56:47Z")
What do you get when you cross a malaria-ridden mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scalar. ---
**Author:** ![peasea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@peasea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peasea)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/7 "2002-07-22T03:02:06Z")
Hey, how do you make those spoiler thingies? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/8 "2002-07-22T04:25:35Z")
Q: What is purple and commutes? A: An Abelian Grape! Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean? A: Moebius Dick! The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, “Go forth and multiply.” A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. “What’s the problem?” says Noah. “Cut down some trees and let us live there”, say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees helped?” “Certainly”, say the snakes. “We’re adders, so we need logs to multiply.” Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi 1. e is easier to spell than pi. 2. pi ~= 3.14 while e ~=2.718281828459045. 3. The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can’t. 4. Everybody fights for their piece of the pie. 5. ln(pi^1) is a really nasty number, but ln(e^1) = 1. 6. e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry. 7. ‘e’ is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune. 8. e stands for Euler’s Number, pi doesn’t stand for squat. 9. You don’t need to know Greek to be able to use e. 10. You can’t confuse e with a food product. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/9 "2002-07-22T04:27:03Z")
[http://www.workjoke.com/projoke22.htm](http://www.workjoke.com/projoke22.htm) has many of my favorites including some of the ones above. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/10 "2002-07-22T04:30:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by peasea \* > \*\*Hey, how do you make those spoiler thingies? \*\* Press the Quote button on a post that is using it and you will see the appropriate tags. I saw this on a t-shirt at a college once: [symbol]p[/symbol]r[sup]2[/sup]? Pie are round. _Cake_ are square. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/11 "2002-07-22T04:42:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lee \* > **Q: What is purple and commutes? > A: An Abelian Grape!** No, no. It’s like this: Q: What’s purple, worshipped by a limited number of people, and commutative? A: A _finitely-venerated_ abelian grape. And my personal favorite: Let [symbol]e[/symbol] be less than zero. (I told that last one to one of my former professors. He opined that some of his students in basic analysis wouldn’t know that it’s a joke.) And of course, what’s yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice? Zorn’s lemon. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/12 "2002-07-22T05:16:45Z")
Q:How do mathemeticians divide up a fish catch? A:With Poisson Distribution. Q: How does a mathematician have a religious experience? A: When he sees the line lay down with the lambda. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Kahuna_Burger)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/13 "2002-07-22T05:35:39Z")
Two adders go to a fertility clinic. The doctor tells them that if they want to conceive, they have to have sex on a table made from a big log. They do this, and sure enough the female adder becomes pregnant and has a baby. The lesson? With a log table, even adders can multiply. ---
**Author:** ![Forbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Forbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forbin)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/14 "2002-07-22T05:41:36Z")
Why is 77 better than 69? Because you get ate more. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/15 "2002-07-22T06:21:45Z")
Did you hear about the plant in the math professor’s office? It grew square roots. Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/16 "2002-07-22T06:33:26Z")
Ooh ooh my brother just told me this one! There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/17 "2002-07-22T06:56:39Z")
I heard this on the boards once before, it’s more of a physics joke really, but here goes: Werner Heisenburg is driving down the street one day when he is pulled over by a cop. The cop says “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?” To which Heisenburg replies: “No, but I know exactly where I was.” Hee hee. Gets me every time. ---
**Author:** ![Cataclysm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Cataclysm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cataclysm)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/18 "2002-07-22T11:34:51Z")
Similar to **Dragonblink** ’s joke: There are 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can’t. And also. What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/19 "2002-07-22T14:56:18Z")
My favorite from the page **lee** linked to: Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall! ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162/20 "2002-07-22T15:17:52Z")
“To Be or not to be…\*” Actually, that is the answer. The question is “What’s the square root of 4b^2?” \*2b or -2b… get it? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-know-of-any-math-jokes/120162.md?page=2)