# Anyone out there with a foreign spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876 "2012-07-11T06:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/41 "2012-07-11T20:51:40Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Was talking to a former teacher at my old HS today. His wife is Argentine. Thank you. This is helpful. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/42 "2012-07-11T21:00:25Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > There are lots of foreign folks who come to the USA to go to college. It’s not an “exchange” program like high school exchange students, but they are here on a student visa. That provides lots of opportunities for American students to meet foreign folks. > > I’m an American living in America, married to a Japanese woman. She came here as a high school exchange student 20+ years ago, and hung around ever since; I met her when she was a grad student, and a coworker of mine who knew her when she was an undergrad introduced us. Similar to my story. My wife is Japanese, I’m American. She also came over as a highschool exchange student and stuck around to attend UIC and get a degree in EE. I was a grad student and she was in one of the classes I was a TA for. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/43 "2012-07-11T21:06:35Z")
My first wife was Canadian. I tried to have her deported. ---
**Author:** ![Ele\_the\_Stoic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4bbf92/32.png) [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ele_the_Stoic)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/44 "2012-07-11T22:14:04Z")
Wow, I’m surprised how common it seems to be. Seems like meeting through school is the most common, but I’m surprised military postings aren’t represented more. > [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > I’m American and my wife is Panamanian (Does Panama meet your criteria for ‘foreign’?). Yeah, I only said that to sort of weed out the “I live next to the border, and so did they” sort of things; the spouse being foreign in name only. Sorry for posting this in the wrong place **Colibri** , wasn’t sure. So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/45 "2012-07-11T23:28:09Z")
> [@Gleena](#): > > There’s a few American/Australian couples around the SDMB, I think. **mhendo**? **C3**? Yep, American married to an Australian. We met here in the U.S. He was here working and a mutual friend set us up on a blind date. We’ve been together 16 years, married nearly 13, two kids. We haven’t had any cultural differences, really (except that he can’t say the word “squirrel” and I have to keep the pantry stocked with Vegemite), but the distance between the U.S. and Australia has been a struggle for us at times. We basically had to choose his family or mine. When his dad was terminally ill, we moved back for a couple years, but now that the kids are bigger and we’re more entrenched in our U.S. lives, I don’t know what would happen if his mom needed us nearby. Australia is a ridiculously long way away. ---
**Author:** ![Shosy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Shosy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shosy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/46 "2012-07-12T00:35:29Z")
I’d guess a huge chunk is extended overseas military deployment, and a lot are academic related, the balance upto 10% filled by company transfers, etc. I hope your friend remembers that he’s legally obligated to pay US income tax. I know of many who have burned especially Americans living in Britain working in the financial sector. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/47 "2012-07-12T00:45:34Z")
> [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](#): > > … > So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? In the early days of dating I (the American) had a crossing of wires with my (Colombian) S.O. She had made some hints about a surprise for the coming Saturday, which was my birthday. Saturday came and we were chatting (online… still living overseas from one another at this point) and I was waiting… and waiting… and waiting… when she asked what her surprise was!?! Huh!? WTF!? It’s my birthday. That is when I found out about _El día de amor y amistad_, the Colombia version of Valentine’s Day. :smack: I thought she forgot my b-day. She thought I forgot Valentine’s Day. Forgetting Valentine’s is more important than forgetting a birthday apparently. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/48 "2012-07-12T00:50:00Z")
> [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](#): > > So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? The most aggravating thing is that my wife (understandably) has other Japanese friends and from time to time when we visit them or they have a party they all speak Japanese, which I do not. The result is me sitting by myself for a few hours with no one to talk to while everyone else is having a good old time. It’s caused some tension between us from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/49 "2012-07-12T00:56:22Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m not married to a foreigner, but my father is. He met my mother (his wife) doing missionary work. Um, what is your mother’s nationality, if you don’t mind? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/50 "2012-07-12T00:57:19Z")
My spouse is Thai, but she was naturalized as a US citizen before we got married. She moved here initially when she was 10 years old. Her father came here to practice medicine. We met in university in a programming class. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/51 "2012-07-12T01:28:13Z")
My friend’s Japanese wife originally came on a high school exchange (where they met but they didn’t really become friends) and loved Canada so much she came back for university and they reconnected and got married. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/52 "2012-07-12T01:45:19Z")
> [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](#): > > So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? Eh, it’s different. This is my second marriage (nearly 10 years now, longer than the first one) and my first husband was American. As **C3** suggests, it’s the tyrrany of distance (and the inability to say very simple words, like squirrel) that’s more the problem than cultural differences. We very seldom have those, except when all his friends gather round and talk about stuff they did growing up. We’re a bit different in that I didn’t have much to tie me to the US - I’m estranged from one parent, indifferent towards the other, and my Grandaddy is elderly. He had the carreer, so I came here and I love it here. I’ve pretty well assimilated. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/53 "2012-07-12T02:28:02Z")
I met my wife at a beer chugging contest in a bar in Tokyo. Married 5 months later. Still married 18 years later. ---
**Author:** ![Kiros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/439d5e/32.png) [@Kiros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiros)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/54 "2012-07-12T02:51:46Z")
My fiancee is Taiwanese, I am American. Pretty standard met-in-college thing - and she actually spent several years in Canada before college, as well. Between that and pretty liberal parents, there’s not nearly as much in the way of cultural differences as there might be otherwise. The charming part of the origin story is also more standard: we lived on the same floor freshman year, knew each other, didn’t think too much of it, and then re-met again senior year through some mutual friends. Did you know that pretty girls can be really interesting if you actually talk to them, and sometimes they even like you back? May have even liked you in passing a few years ago, and you didn’t follow up on it? I’m just glad I learned that lesson instead of missing it again the second time around. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/55 "2012-07-12T02:56:23Z")
> [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](#): > > So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? Child-rearing is very different in the U.S. vs. India, which is what causes most of our arguments. Also, my husband grew up with servants, so doesn’t really know how to take care of household duties, like scrubbing toilets, etc. As a result, he tends to overthink _everything_ related to cleaning, like which cleanser to use, what type of scrubber (washrag? paper towel? sponge?), how to go about cleaning, etc. Since he’s never had to clean or cook, he doesn’t have any concept of how long doing so might or should take and doesn’t have a great sense of what type of clean is reasonable to expect from two working parents. I don’t know that it’s harder, though - every couple has something(s) they fight about. Ours are probably both a function of our culture and personalities. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/56 "2012-07-12T03:11:11Z")
I dated someone from across the state line once. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/57 "2012-07-12T03:11:15Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > I met my wife at a beer chugging contest in a bar in Tokyo. **Married 5 months later**. Still married 18 years later. What took you so long? Our first date was 16 August, got married 8 October of the same year. Now it’s 15 years this October… ---
**Author:** ![Rala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Rala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rala)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/58 "2012-07-12T04:37:10Z")
We’re not married, so I’m not sure if this counts, but I’m Australian and my girlfriend is Mexican. We met online, when she needed someone to proofread her fanfiction and I volunteered. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/59 "2012-07-12T05:45:12Z")
Div and I aren’t from very different cultural backgrounds (England/Australia for those who don’t want to scroll back), but I have had to teach him the language. He has all these crazy words like courgette and mangetout. Is he French? It’s zucchini and snow peas. Crazy Pom. Also, I have a healthy respect for the sun and avoid sunburn as much as possible. His family don’t seem to have adjusted to the idea that it will kill you. I told his brother in law that he’s going to have the best tan in the skin cancer ward. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876/60 "2012-07-12T05:59:08Z")
> [@Ele\_the\_Stoic](#): > > So another question, building on the first; have there ever been any big issues relating to cultural differences in the marriage? Is being married to someone foreign harder, or easier? Or just the same? Going on my experience the cultural thing doesn’t come up in the marriage, it seems to be a common thing people think would be a problem but it really isn’t. Basic personality clashes and personality quirks will be the real issue, and that is always present. So I vote same, but I guess it could be a problem if one or both partners is a really inflexible personality. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-out-there-with-a-foreign-spouse/627876.md?page=4)