# Anyone want an email pen-pal?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [January 3, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840 "2005-01-03T15:32:18Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/101 "2005-01-11T05:30:09Z")

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> [@AwSnappity](#):
>
> Deadbeat here. I e-mailed **Aesiron** , he e-mailed back, and then I ran out of things to say because my first e-mail was so long. No one else is feeling the **Snappity** love, I guess, cause I haven’t gotten any e-mails. No worries.

I was wondering what was going on your end and thought I might have scared you off with my similarly lengthy reply or just sheer boredom at my life. Glad to see it’s just normal awkwardness and nothing more insidious.

> [@jujitsuka](#):
>
> I’m 27, married, no kids, though my father-in-law is trying hard!

I hope that doesn’t mean how it reads. 🙂

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**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/102 "2005-01-11T10:43:53Z")

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I will send out emails to my chosen ones and reply to those who have selected me-just gimme a few days.I’m moving house on Thursday so I’ll wait till after the weekend when everything’s all delivered safely and then I can concentrate on my hordes of teeming admirers 🙂

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**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/103 "2005-01-11T10:49:32Z")

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Nobody loves me ☹ (except you **faithfool**!)

I’m off on a week-long holiday, and I’m hoping to see at least one email in my inbox when I get back… Otherwise I shall be forced to resort to a mail-bombing campaign!

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**Author:** ![poeticyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@poeticyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poeticyde)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/104 "2005-01-11T14:22:47Z")

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I’ve sent out emails to **Faithfool** , [B}LifeOnWry\*\*, **Captain Roscoe** , **Lillyofthevalley** , and **Gouda**. I am really enjoying the chance to get to know people better from the SDMB! If anyone else wants to write, feel free to!

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**Author:** ![grettle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/105 "2005-01-11T14:30:15Z")

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I’ve been picked. I’m kind of feeling the same way as **Harimad-sol**.

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**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/106 "2005-01-11T15:16:13Z")

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> [@LilyoftheValley](#):
>
> Limited time offer: write to me in the next 48 hours, and I’ll tell you for free the most obnoxious baby names recommended in this month’s Parents magazine! Tantalizing tidbit – one of them is Dubai!

Ok - Now I need to take the shrink wrap off of mine to see these names!

> [@LifeOnWry](#):
>
> I don’t know from Weebl and Bob, but any fan of Eddie Izzard’s is a potential pal for me!

Weebl and Bob don’t do it for me either but I love Eddie Izzard. My friend introduced us to his videos and now we have them all. I am still disappointed that he was touring the US and was in town and I couldn’t go because I was recovering from surgery.

I’m not in my jammies today!!! I was able to get dressed like a normal person!

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**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/107 "2005-01-11T20:13:30Z")

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Repeat after me.

Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.  
Size does not matter.

That better be true!

SIZE DOES NOT MATTER. (Except in some things. Wha? :D)

Class, you may read on ahead now.

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**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/108 "2005-01-11T20:21:52Z")

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Wow! What a busy little hive this has been since I last sent out my summons. Lessee… A recap is in order, huh? I’m going to try to sort this out and not make my eyeballs go the same way as my lunch yesterday.

::: puts on monocle :::

Some beginners to say “HI! Welcome to E-Pal (not so)Anonymous!!” to:  
[ul]  
li Girl From Mars[/li][li]jujitsuka (hurumph – can’t do anything with this one because I have no idea what it means)[/li][li]caballo\_loco (if you truly _are_ kookoo, can all the voices in my head say “Greetings! Happy to have you in the fold!”?[/li][/ul]

Those scallywags (I’ve always wanted to say that – fun!) that are NO longer MIA:

[ul]  
[li]Ms. Snappity[/li][li]tanookie (does that have anything to do with, well, nookie? :D) [/li][li]the pretty LilyoftheValley[/li][li]NinjaChick (who hasn’t emailed me back – I took a shower before I sent that) [/li][li]Iceland\_Blue (see above ::: growl ::: )[/li][li]gouda (I started to say, with that disclaimer… what am I, chopped liver?? :p) [/li][li]and our first guest! grettle[/li][/ul]

Now listen up my friends! Go forth (out into the world? ::: shudder ::: ) and find the errant among us. Bind them, then drag them back here and proceed to spank their hineys with wet noodles until they TELL US WHAT THEY’RE DOING IT. Who are they?; you ask ever so lady- and gentleman- like. Rejoice! For I am here to tell you.

Go whip 'em and say _I_ mandated it. 😛  
Those that have NOT REPORTED IN (I love all caps!):

[ul]  
[li]DeadlyAccurate (you can do all your killin’ in here)[/li][li]monica (who I wanted to use that whine on from “The Brady Bunch,” but that was Marsha)[/li][li]Madd Maxx (Thunderdome needs you!)[/li][li]Roland Orzabal (who apparently has many clamoring for his attention – Please, don’t shun your fellow Dopers. [end of PSA])[/li][li]NotNow (yes, NOW! :D) [/li][li]Maxxxie (Any relation to that there guy up above a few?)[/li][li]MissTake (nope, 'twas not – we _need_ you here ::: cries ::: )[/li][li]fishcheer15 (sorry chap, I liked you so much I saw double)[/li][li]Jennyrosity (with one of the coolest names evah, U H@^3 2 \<0^^3 \*@\<|\<!11)[/li][li]scr4 (um… I’m at a loss. ☹ I got nada. Sorry.) [/li][li]Wesley Clark (Are you out scoring more free milkshakes?)[/ul][/li]Tell them, if they do not meet me at the edge of town before sundown, pistolas drawn, I will continue to make horrible jokes about their usernames and paint their puppies pink. Yeah, that’ll have 'em running in here faster than me running from that ““There is no God.” is an opinion” thread.

I’m sure everyone is screaming that I’m out of funnies, so stop. (Alright, you all were saying that before I even started, but it’s _my_ story and I can have where I look like Mulan if I want – because the other Disney chicks are just too girlie) But alas, don’t despair. I will utter one last (BWAHAHAHA!) parting shot (and no, not at me)…

I have observed three things from this particular post (amazing that):

[ol]  
[li]Is that 1337 $|\>3@|\< hurts!!11111!! (and it takes too many of these "|"s)[/li][li]I am more goofy than the cartoon dog (So I knew that since I was three and a half. You can’t make me stoooop. Nyah, nyah. – Maybe I should’ve used this one first.) [/li][li]This thing has more bullet points than all of Madonna’s bras put together. :eek:[/ol] [/li]Saranara (?), my faithfools (I couldn’t fight. temptation.), until we see the whites of our eyes in that will-be-famous shoot-out

P.S. (You knew there’d be one, right?) **Bambi** hasn’t shown up personally to let us in on his gig, but does seem to have been snagged a time or four. Can you give us a shout out, friend? And although I received an email from **Ichini Sanshigo** , it wasn’t to say yay or nay. So, that county needs to be heard from too. Plus, I feel really, really, reallyreally bad for having left you off my _last_ first list. Speak up. We can’t hear you both. Gracias. To the rest of ya… get these and the new suckers going. It’s the least we can do if they’re for our next sacrifice. The volcano is ready.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/109 "2005-01-11T20:28:23Z")

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> [@grettle](#):
>
> I’ve been picked. I’m kind of feeling the same way as **Harimad-sol**.

You’re not. I’m just really, incredibly lazy and am not answering emails as promptly as I should.

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**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/110 "2005-01-11T22:20:06Z")

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Reporting in, as requested. I’ve received **faithfool’s** email, which I will eventually reply to (hey! I did point out that I am a terrible correspondent). No-one else loves me! ☹ Actually, I’m not really bothered by that (see my point about being a terrible correspondent). Also, I am no relation to **Madd Maxx** , for those of you who were wondering 🙂  
Max.

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**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/111 "2005-01-11T22:45:29Z")

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Why didn’t I get a form letter faithfool?

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**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/112 "2005-01-11T23:05:51Z")

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Alright, already! I’ve e-mailed faithfool and waffled on about a lot of nothing in particular. Can I go out and play now, please miss? 😉

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**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/113 "2005-01-11T23:12:50Z")

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> [@Maxxxie](#):
>
> Reporting in, as requested. I’ve received **faithfool’s** email, which I will eventually reply to (hey! I did point out that I am a terrible correspondent). No-one else loves me! ☹ Actually, I’m not really bothered by that (see my point about being a terrible correspondent). Also, I am no relation to **Madd Maxx** , for those of you who were wondering 🙂  
> Max.

No worries **Maxxxie**. I’m sure my robust style of writing will make up for every- /any- one else’s slack. But what I _really_ wanted ::: stomps feet ::: is what I’m getting… a head count.

\< insert excited sound here \>

> [@Wesley Clark](#):
>
> Why didn’t I get a form letter faithfool?

**Wesley** honey, probably because your email wasn’t listed in your profile. I missed (I’m sooooo sorry! I love each one of you all the same. Well, maybe not, but I won’t tell unless someone pays me 16.46 cents in pennies. Don’t ask.) more than one that way and only figured it out by scanning the thread. However, this must be, on a small scale, how **Shirley** felt when organized the Secret Santa this year. Oh my! :eek: Please be patient with me. I’m definitely human on Tuesdays. However, I will ship it out tonight via UPS Express. That good enough for ya, Mr. Milkshake Man? 😉

Also, before my senility kicks in and I forget, the prodigal child **Jennyrosity** has checked in. She will get the royal ‘slap-on-the-wrist-with-cashmere-cotton-ball’ treatment as soon as I can get another off eBay. The Queen must shop frugally as well. 😃 Or just feign not being addicted. Ew, twelve steps!

[On preview: Why yes you can, but keep the above incident to yourself -and- feed your little brother that Goldfish. Don’t dawdle. I mean it or I’ll call the DiscoServent after you. We know you do NOT want that.]

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**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/114 "2005-01-12T02:05:56Z")

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I have received three emails, all of which I intend to reply to at length (heh) at such time as I get more than five minutes at home. I keep getting phone calls from/having to go meet with various people from the Air Force, who have taken, shall we say, an active interest in recruiting yours truly, though I am unsure as to why. Kinda makes me a little paranoid, honestly.

Anyway, thanks to those who’ve written, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

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**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/115 "2005-01-12T03:16:47Z")

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> [@faithfool](#):
>
> P.S. (You knew there’d be one, right?)

Like always / Wie immer / Como siempre. 😉

> [@](#):
>
> **Bambi** hasn’t shown up personally to let us in on his gig, but does seem to have been snagged a time or four. Can you give us a shout out, friend?

I’ve been exchanging with **Harimad** , **Aesiron** , and **fishcheer15** , and am waiting on a response from **monica**.

And I probably think that I’ll not be able to write back and forth more than once a week or so, now that the semester has started.

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**Author:** ![grettle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/116 "2005-01-12T03:23:30Z")

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> [@Aesiron](#):
>
> You’re not. I’m just really, incredibly lazy and am not answering emails as promptly as I should.

No problem, **Aesiron**. Although I do look forward to chatting more, I have found someone else ( **Emperor Penguin** , specifically) to musically enlighten 😛

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**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/117 "2005-01-12T03:30:37Z")

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> [@Roland Orzabal](#):
>
> I have received three emails, all of which I intend to reply to at length (heh) at such time as I get more than five minutes at home. I keep getting phone calls from/having to go meet with various people from the Air Force, who have taken, shall we say, an active interest in recruiting yours truly, though I am unsure as to why. Kinda makes me a little paranoid, honestly.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to those who’ve written, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

I experienced a similar thing in my senior year of high school, except that it involved the Army. As I am probably far from the ideal candidate for them, and always have been, I found amusing in the extreme.

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**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/118 "2005-01-12T03:41:06Z")

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> [@grettle](#):
>
> No problem, **Aesiron**. Although I do look forward to chatting more, I have found someone else ( **Emperor Penguin** , specifically) to musically enlighten 😛

Wait, so does that mean my musical tastes pass muster?

That’s a first.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\
**Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/119 "2005-01-12T03:41:38Z")

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**Bambi** , you flirt you. 😉 Doitsomemoredoitsomemoredoitdoitpuleeeeeze!

Who is left on/off the list to nag:

(People, we are waiting on you. The bus is ready to leave and if we have to stand at the end of the line for The Comet and then not get to see Vince Neil do The Chicken Dance, we’re gonna have plenty of unhappy campers, or cappy hampers to you, on our hands. So, speed it up!)

[ul]  
[li]DeadlyAccurate[/li][li]monica[/li][li]Madd Maxx[/li][li]NotNow[/li][li]Ichini Sanshigo[/li][li]MissTake[/li][li]scr4[/li][li]Girl From Mars[/li][li]jujitsuka[/li][li]caballo\_loco[/li][/ul]

Everyone has reported in that they’ve mailed someone, someone’s mailing them back or they’re waiting to hear. Eh, sounds like Post Office to me. When do we get to play Spin-the-Bottle? Out of the above group, **monica** seems to be popular, although absent. And my fellow e-pal-ers who like to do this lots and lots and lots some more, please make certain that we show them the welcome wagon. I’m specifically talking about **Girl From Mars** , **jujitsuka** and **caballo\_loco** since they were the last people to join and the ones will toast first.

I’m glad to see all you stragglers that have f-i-n-a-l-l-y bother to show up. Uh huh. 😛 The only requirements left, besides lasting love and compliments for yours truly (I mean, I am way far putting myself on the line to be funny, decidedly because I’m not – hello?), are to post back here if you pick somebody off of The List and they reply. Send them too and we’ll feed them cake. Hahahaha.

::: evil grin :::

That way, we’ll know if anyone has been missed or if it’s because one of us has garlic breath or really bad toejam. Damn, that makes me want some jelly. But I digress, again, and the only thing left to say is to **Wesley** … INCOMING! and my buddies that are special to me (well, you _all_ are, but you step-children know what I meant), I’ll be typing out more epics tonight, no matter how long it takes me. BACK UP YOUR HARD DRIVE THIS VERY INSTANCE!! I will not be responsible if I crater anyone’s system.

Yes, there _was_ a form filled out. And a notory. And plenty of official ink! 😃

~ever faithfool to my newest, most wonderfulest, coolest friends(est)

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\
**Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-want-an-email-pen-pal/282840/120 "2005-01-13T01:27:42Z")

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Just an update…

I have more e-pals then sand in the hour glass of time (always wanted to say that), so for anyone out there who has written but not heard back from me yet, I say PLEASE be patient. Sending gifts is still good to get you moved to the head of the line though.

And also so you’ll know, but I’m sure you never would have guessed :p, my old friends didn’t call what I sent anything so simple as a note, line or message. Oh no. They called them “bombs.” So be prepared to be faithfooly bombed. Hopefooly soon. 😃

I think I should have everyone caught up within a week and at best, I hope to get one a week written to each and everyone of my captive audience.

::: cue villain music :::

If there’s still anyone out there who hasn’t heard from anyone else or is still interested, post it here please. Right now my inbox is so full I can hardly find the link to get there. Oh, and if you’re writing back to me, for the love of _my_ poor hamsters, by all means take your time. That way I’m at least only working on the same set at the same time instead of having mailed one unsuspecting person four times and only starting on the first of another.

Thanks everyone for participating, helping out and being patient. I’m glad we’re doing this.

/End of usual ramble. For now. 😛

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