I have a first name that sounds similar to the name of an 80s sitcom character. All the time, it’s “Hey, did you ever watch Show X? They had a character whose name was Name That Sounds Like Your Name, But Isn’t It.” Then, “Yes, I watched Show X. And my name isn’t Name That Sounds Like My Name, But Isn’t It.” The best is when they screw it up in e-mails. For fuck’s sake, my e-mail address is firstname.lastname@company.com. Figure it out, already!
These MFers are really annoying in downtown Minneapolis at rush hour because it seems so redundant considering we have a novel technology here called traffic lights that tell people what to do. This is actually what happens: The light turns green, then the cop blows a whistle and beckons people forward. When the light turns red, the cop blows a whistle and motions for people to stop. If there’s a left turn arrow, the whistle is blown, the cop motions for oncoming traffic to stop, then beckons the cars in the left turn lane to make left turns. Etc. I always shake my head at it. Wtf are the traffic lights there for, then?
You know what’s best about this? Downtown Mpls actually needs these cops to perform this function. If they’re not there, a whole string of assholes start running red lights, blocking the intersection, and the like. These people need the cops to direct them because they don’t get the concept of traffic signals when there are more than five cars on the road at once. I don’t suppose it’s really the traffic directing cops that annoy me; I suppose I’m bothered that drivers around here are such epic cocks that they need someone there to make sure they obey traffic signals. The same traffic signals whose meanings we learned when we were four years old.
These things bug the heck out of me, too. Along the same lines as the restaurant issue, I absolutely can’t stand it when we’re out to eat and one of the staff - not our waitperson, but presumably the manager - comes over to ask how everything is, but doesn’t introduce him or herself. For all I know, it could be some random guy from the next room who decided to wander the restaurant. If they at least let me know who the hell they are, I wouldn’t be so annoyed.
When someone makes a **big deal **about something I did “wrong” that is both trivial and trivially easy to be fixed to be made “right”.
I come damn close to blowing my stack over it. Just thinking about the TPS reports on the movie Office Space make my blood pressure rise.
Loading the dishwasher “wrong”, in a way that makes no fracking difference, is NOT the same as butt raping the baby Jesus with a rusty chain saw. Hence the reason I almost never load the dishwasher anymore (among some other things a well).
A cashier at Best Buy did this to me when I was there picking up some DVD’s to take to my dad who was in the hospital dying of cancer. It was fun to see the smile disappear from his own smug face as I “explained” this to him very loudly and profanely.
Hey - I didn’t know my wife posted here! After 25 years she’s ALMOST broken me of this habit. kitchen cabinets, colset doors, dresser drawers - you name 'em, my natural practice is to leave them open. Mainly, I think, because I don’t care whether they are open or closed. Don’t even notice it. In fact, if I thought about it, I’d have a preference for keeping them open. I mean, sometime or another I’m going to be going back in there . . .
Now I care/notice, but solely because not doing so runs the risk of making my wife’s head explode!
People who run their sprinklers at 2 in the afternoon in the summer make me see red. I realize its not harming me directly, but could it be any more useless and wasteful!? I want to rip the sprinklers out of the ground and beat the offender to death with a copy of Ranger Rick magazine.
Sorry - but you’re standing in a lobby filled with 8 elevator doors. The elevator you’re trying to cram into is full. Wait, at most, two more minutes for the next elevator to arrive.
“Is this going up?”
You’re on the first fucking floor of this building. Of course it’s going up you nimrod! See all those arrows pointing “up” above the door, and the fact that NONE of them are pointing down? Does that mean anything to you at all?
“Two, please.”
I saw you walk across the lobby to the elevator - you don’t appear to be handicapped or suffering in any way. Is there a particular reason that big staircase you just walked by isn’t an option? The 12 people in this little box are getting off at 24, 21, 20, 17, 12 and 6. You can’t walk one flight of stairs?!? (This one is fairly unreasonable, as there are plenty of reasons why there would be someone who can’t get up that flight of stairs, but odds are slim that it would apply. Still rankles me (and everyone else in the elevator, if all the eye-rolling and harumphing is to be believed).)
Ha! No, but this reminds me of an unfortunate girl I went to school who people thought resembled Balki quite a bit. They informed her of such routinely. Kids are assholes.
I’ve never understood why the staff are forced to use that line when the obvious answer is going to be no. I’m annoyed just thinking about it.
This morning I was unnecessarily outraged by the guy next to me at the cafe at my gym. They’ve recently re-floored the place with cheap hardwood and he was pacing back and forth self-importantly while he talked on the phone. His shoes were making this really annoying clicky-clacky sound while I was trying to have a quiet cup of coffee and read the paper. All I could see out of the corner of my eye was this guy going back and forth. I wasn’t very subtle about being narked about it and he eventually went away. Plus last week, he stole my paper while I was ordering coffee.
Someone enters a multi-page thread, *maybe *reads the OP, and declares…
"I’m surprised no one has mentioned <blank> yet!"
Hey dipshit. Hit CTRL+F and type in “<blank>”. Because I guaran-damn-tee you that it’ll pop up in the first 10 posts. And if it’s a multipage thread, there’s that little “Search This Thread” option at the top of every single page in case you can’t be arsed to click on page 2 and do the same CTRL+F!
I was sitting in the movie theater recently, thoroughly enjoying Inglorious Basterds, when the phone of the asshat sitting in front of me rang. He answered it and proceeded to have a conversation.
I leaned over the seat and in a really loud voice said, “ARE YOU ON THE PHONE IN THE MOVIES? SERIOUSLY? The fuck is wrong with you?”
He waved at me dismissively, but the people behind me were all “Right on, lady!” He did hang up about 30 seconds later.
Really? It’s that important you have to answer Right. This. Second?
For me, it’s people who needless block my path. This is most prevalent on sidewalks and in grocery aisles.
“You notice that cart over there to the left you? It’s blocking my passing lane. You see how you’ve stopped just three inches short of giving me enough room to actually squeeze past you? If you you take three fucking more seconds to find the correct spaghetti sauce I’m going to start pushing this cart and NEVER STOP UNTIL THERE’S BLOOD ALL OVER THE WALLS!”
God, that drives me crazy.
Also true of that group of three friends (usually teenage girls) who insist on walking three abreast on the sidewalk while I have something very important to get to.
Good for you. I verbally address cell phone talkers/texters in movies as well. They honestly think you can’t hear them or see their screens. They nearly always back down - and when they don’t, I’m happy to go get a manager. If they’re going to ruin the movie by talking, I might as well use that ruined time to screw them over.
Really, I posted too soon. I just realized what sends me into fits of enraged frenzied ranting.
Any time someone starts a sentence with “I feel like…” when they are not:
a) referring to a tactile sensation; or
b) referring to their health; or
c) describing an emotion.
It comes from the Precious Snowflake Self-Esteem movement where everyone is a winner and everyone has to couch their language in terms of feeeeeeeelings so as to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings, with, you know, a strong opinion or even a corroborated fact. Some examples:
“Where is John?”
“I feel like he’s in the shower.”
“Well, my work is finished for the day, I feel like I will go home.”
“I feel like the sky is blue and the grass is green.”
People. Just stand behind your opinions. State your facts. Don’t try to pretend you are talking about emotions when you are not. I reserve the right to inflict violence on the next person who does this in my presence.
…I know this isn’t the thread for it but I can’t help myself…
Do you leave your front door open, your car door open, after you pee do you leave you thing hanging out - 'cause sometime or another you’re going take it out again anyway, yah?
The last Kiosk I had to deal with, the salesperson actually was *offended * by me as I didn’t want to sit in their chair and have them iron in hair extensions. Wtf.
I had to slink the long way around to avoid her glares on the way back. Not really conducive to a nice shopping experience.
What infuriates me beyond proportion: My husband and the dirty sock villages he builds about the house. I keep hoping that the underwear gnomes will branch out and start taking socks, but alas…
I’m not sure if this is unrealistic rage or proportional fury.
People who deny the mountains of evidence that vaccines do not cause autism make me want to get a chainsaw and ram it into their eye sockets over and over again while screaming at the top of my lungs. I get it - you’re an uneducated paranoid idiot who wants to make him- or herself (almost always herself, in my opinion) feel better about being “in on” the conspiracy of “Big Pharma.” Shut up, shut up, SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.
Parking lot behavior also makes me filled with rage, and I KNOW that’s disproportionate. People who can’t be arsed to park in an actual spot, but who pull up to the front door and wait while their passenger shops. People who park in more than one spot. People who park so close to the line that I can’t open my door to get out or in. People who drive the wrong way. People who dawdle. People who speed. Parking lots are my personal hell.
After 25 years she’s ALMOST broken me of this habit. kitchen cabinets, colset doors, dresser drawers - you name 'em, my natural practice is to leave them open. Mainly, I think, because I don’t care whether they are open or closed. Don’t even notice it. In fact, if I thought about it, I’d have a preference for keeping them open. I mean, sometime or another I’m going to be going back in there . . .