What are the jokes for Natasha or Adrianne? I thought maybe some Moose/Squirrel joke for Natasha…but Adrianne?
Adrianne - Rocky calling his wife Adrian maybe?
What drives me crazy: I walk by an outside table (like a park picnic table, or an outside table at a cafe or restaurant or bar) and someone has stuck chewing gum on it. What is your major malfunction? If you can’t find a trash can just swallow the damn thing! The cud-chewing calf-like look you get when the gum is in your mouth is bad enough, but don’t leave your saliva-drenched leavings to slowly harden in the sun where we all have to deal with it. A couple of weeks ago, walking on asphalt, I stepped in gum twice on a hot day. Who’s going to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe? You maybe?
The guy next to you on the plane who thinks that his elbows have the right to be in contact with your rib cage. Keep your body parts out of my personal space. If nothing else, I found a great new use for my copy of the NYT: it makes a great barrier between said elbow and rb cage, and claims my space in a loudly non-verbal way. Bit I’m going to start packing a thin barrier in my carry-on just for this contingency.
Yo!! Adriaaaaaaane!
To answer the OPs question, pretty much nearly everything these days.
Ditto on the name comments. My first name is Ginger. I have heard every possible joke associated with my name at least twice.
The part that really makes me scratch my head is when a person cracks a joke and somehow thinks that I’ve never heard it before. That’s what I say now - “Wow, I’ve never heard that before.” Then the person says “Really?” And I say “No, not really.” This is best done in front of the jokester’s friends who will then mock them soundly.
I didn’t know that really happened to people.
Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!
I’ve noticed I have the “Class Ladder” of outrage at rude behavior: if the offending asshole is richer than me, he’s a self-entitled jerk who thinks he’s above the rules that us schmucks live by. If he’s poorer than me, he’s a loser making a pathetic attempt to get back at The Man.
This ladder works from the viewpoint of any income level, not just mine.
People who try and get in the elevator before letting people out. If you try this and I am in the elevator I may just fucking knock you down and maybe stand over you telling you what I think of you, and how it’s your fault you are laying on the ground listening to me tell you what I think of you.
People who throw cigarette butts out of their car. Every fucking car has a goddamn ashtray in it; learn to use it. I have been known to get out of my car and throw the butt back in the offender’s vehicle.
People who say “nucular”.
Other than that, I’m pretty easy to get along with. 
+2
A couple of English/writing related things:
-
Apostrophe abuse, especially when people use an apostrophe to form a plural - one time I saw a sign in a business that read “employee’s only” to refer to a specific room. Hard to believe that a person making a sign could make that.
-
‘Used to’ instead of ‘accustomed to’.
‘Used to’ to refer to instances in the past, such as ‘he used to be the employee there.’ In general, ‘used to’ sounds completely elementary school education - would you hear a judge in a courtroom using that? -
‘Go off’ as in ‘the alarm goes off’ or ‘the bomb goes off’. Excuse me, but isn’t OFF the opposite of ON? If it’s not on, then how can it be functioning?
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The use of ‘America’ to refer to a country - don’t we all know by now, the name of the country is the United States of America?
On this one, I agree. Does anyone really say that?
This also sounds off to me, as in “raises my Chomskyan universal grammatic hackles.” It just doesn’t sound like a normal expression in English. But if you mean, “My work is done and I feel like going home”, then I would have to agree with those who say it’s just an expression. It goes back long before anyone ever heard of est or placed an inordinate value on feelings. Admittedly it’s a bit casual, and I wouldn’t expect to see it in formal writing or any kind of public discourse.
No argument here.
Yeah, I’ve had a few random strangers walk up to me and order me to smile. Usually, I kick 'em in the crotch and then ask them why they’re not smiling.
Well, no. But I’d like to.
When people make that sarcastic “mmhmm” noise when they don’t believe you. It doesn’t matter if I actually was jokingly lying, lying (well, more like “saving throwing” people usually only say it when you bump into something and lie about it or something innocuous like that), or telling the truth, it pisses me off. I’m not sure why, it’s not the sentiment, if someone says “yeah, sure” or “right…” I don’t care, but that “mmhmm” noise almost makes me blow my top for some reason.
Yes, and when I’ve used this as an example of various aspects of social interaction in some of my classes, my informal polls of my students indicate that almost every woman has had a stranger suggest or order that they smile, while few of the men have experienced the phenomenon.
This is fascinating. I’ve had it happen to me countless times and had no idea this was something that didn’t happen to men.
Oh god I hate this!
My husband is tall and broad-shouldered. I am tall (for a woman) and medium-shouldered. So when we fly together, I tend to take the middle seat on a three-across-seating plane, and we lift up the armrest between us and snuggle a bit, because these seats are too freaking narrow.
This does not in any way mean that I approve of cozying up to some goddamned strange man on the plane, thank you very much. Armrest? Oh, that’s going down. Do not extend your legs such that they’re spread out and touching mine, thanks. (And for the love of all that’s holy, keep your shoes on!)
And I don’t care if I’m in the center seat - I get at least one of the armrests. Overlap into the freaking aisle if you have to, turn sideways a little when the cart comes by or - oh hey, what a concept - ask if I want to swap the middle seat for the aisle. But that’ll never happen.
I jockeyed for an armrest with some big dude on a plane ride, when I was going back home after a conference. He kept putting his elbow on the middle armrest and extending over it into my ‘airspace’ - between him and the guy on the other side who was sleeping and slightly sprawling around, I spent way too much of the flight with my arms tucked in such that they were fully extended and pointing down, or with me literally hugging myself to keep my arms tucked in. Finally when the awake guy moved his arm at one point I reclaimed the armrest on his side, but then he put his arm back down next to mine, pressed against my arm. Ewwww. I managed to maneuver him forward a bit on the armrest by this kind of jockeying and then backed up. It was better than the elbow poking.
I have really sensitive sides, and had one guy elbow me in the side while I was dozing on a plane trip. I nearly shot up out of my seat, and my husband (from his experience with causing that reaction) knew exactly what had happened. I grabbed a magazine out of my carryon and stuffed it along that side of my body like armor plating.
My head is starting to burn at the thought of these, I’m right there with you. And why the hell do people still push BOTH the up and down buttons thinking it will make the elevator come quicker? No asswipe, it only wastes more time.
And don’t ask me to push the button for your floor, push it yourself and leave me alone.
On the other hand, how many women vs men have been told to “wipe that shit-eating grin off your face?”
(and I have been told to smile, usually by those “somebody’s got a case of the Mondays” office-cheerleader type females.
FH:
I can see it in my head:
SeatGuards(tm, patent peg)
You’d get a pair of rigid, nonmetallic, thin barriers that would side mount in your seat. Then again, you’ve identified the proper use of airline magazines.
By the by, the asshole was irritated at my defense of my space. His elbow was inside the armspace, and he was irritated at me. Grrrr.
I once was went on a date with a guy and the first word out of his mouth to me was “smile”. Instantly felt like turning on my heels and heading back home. The guy had no chance after that.
I feel like publishing a book full of nothing but snappy comebacks to “smile”.