# Apologies necessary?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392
**Category:** About This Message Board
**Created:** [July 12, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392 "2010-07-12T14:48:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 14
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ralph\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ralph_the_Dog)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/1 "2010-07-12T14:48:33Z")
"The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, “I was wrong.” (Sydney Harris)
Don’t know if this will get through to the right people, but it’s worth a try. A while ago I had an exchange on a topic that generated some heat among people who were posting, and in frustration I did a very immature thing of making fun of their user names, not thinking about how it could damage relations and self-esteem. I received a very thoughtful rebuke from two of the moderators. I felt bad, but didn’t bother to apologize. Well, it’s very late, but I am sorry I let my arrogance get the better of me and impair my judgement. You don’t even know me, so I don’t know whether it would make a difference if I ask your forgiveness, but I do anyway. I hope this will contribute to a sense of compassion and understanding on your message board. It seems that as soon as we judge someone else, we find that we are just as guilty, right? It was interesting that the moderators that rebuked me were calling other people idiots just a few posts down the page. Crazy how we can think that putting someone else down can really enhance our status.
Well, I am still sorely tempted to tease you about your motto and name of the message board, so I hope you can take a joke, sincerely in the spirit of I just hope you thinks it’s clever and don’t take offense. I am very glad that you are straight, and hope you remain so. Fighting ignorance begins at home, and it does take a long time, usually a lifetime. It’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect, right? I’m humble, and very proud of it. Now I really feel like a dope.
Blessings,
Ralph
---
### Author:  [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/2 "2010-07-12T14:54:42Z")
Um…this is your first post as **Ralph the Dog** , yet you imply previous posting here, presumably under another account. That’s a problem. May wanna talk to one of the mods about straightening that out.
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### Author:  [@Ralph\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ralph_the_Dog)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/3 "2010-07-12T14:58:10Z")
> [@Oakminster](#):
>
> Um…this is your first post as **Ralph the Dog** , yet you imply previous posting here, presumably under another account. That’s a problem. May wanna talk to one of the mods about straightening that out.
Yes, I was a guest awhile back, and the subscription expired.
---
### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/4 "2010-07-12T14:59:46Z")
It’s one account/screen name to a customer, always, ever.
We need to talk. I’ll be sending you an email in all of your names and we can sort this out.
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### Author:  [@Ralph\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ralph_the_Dog)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/5 "2010-07-12T15:05:41Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#):
>
> It’s one account/screen name to a customer, always, ever.
>
> We need to talk. I’ll be sending you an email in all of your names and we can sort this out.
10-4
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### Author:  [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/6 "2010-07-12T18:28:30Z")
> [@Oakminster](#):
>
> Um…this is your first post as **Ralph the Dog** , yet you imply previous posting here, presumably under another account.
Cordwainer Bird, of course. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/7 "2010-07-12T20:37:07Z")
Assuming that the user-name gets straightened out, to answer your question: there’s a difference between good-natured kidding, joking, being amusing on the one hand, and ill-tempered, snide, insulting, being derogatory or just plain nasty. We’re all in favor of a good laugh, even at our expense, but we draw the line when it’s just plain insulting (however funny.)
---
### Author:  [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/8 "2010-07-13T22:11:51Z")
I don’t find it hard to apologize when I’m wrong. No one asked me to apologize when I was so unbelievaing about **Rand** being a tax attorney. When I realized that I wasn’t in a position to judge his credentials or knowledge, I apologized.
He declined to accept the apology which made me laugh about the whole thing.
I’ve probably missed a few times that people have corrected me when I have just been mistaken. Sometimes I’ve meant to offer a thanks for the correction and forgot to. Recently I gave credit to Cat Stevens for doing the music for the film **The Point**. It was Harry Nilsson and I knew I was wrong the moment I saw the correction. THANKS!
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### Author:  [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/9 "2010-07-14T02:50:29Z")
Ralph, this is the internet. No one remembers the previous posts you are talking about. If they do remember it and are still upset, then fuck 'em. No need to apologize, bro. Just do your thing.
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### Author:  [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/10 "2010-07-14T04:53:33Z")
> [@Zoe](#):
>
> I don’t find it hard to apologize when I’m wrong.
Yeah but when I am half-wrong or even worse 1/3 wrong, it can be _really_ difficult. Even if I’m 75% wrong, I’m still likely to splutter excuses.
---
### Author:  [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/11 "2010-07-14T12:26:52Z")
> [@Ralph\_the\_Dog](#):
>
> "The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, “I was wrong.” (Sydney Harris)
> Don’t know if this will get through to the right people, but it’s worth a try. A while ago I had an exchange on a topic that generated some heat among people who were posting, and in frustration I did a very immature thing of making fun of their user names, not thinking about how it could damage relations and self-esteem. I received a very thoughtful rebuke from two of the moderators. I felt bad, but didn’t bother to apologize. Well, it’s very late, but I am sorry I let my arrogance get the better of me and impair my judgement. You don’t even know me, so I don’t know whether it would make a difference if I ask your forgiveness, but I do anyway. I hope this will contribute to a sense of compassion and understanding on your message board. It seems that as soon as we judge someone else, we find that we are just as guilty, right? It was interesting that the moderators that rebuked me were calling other people idiots just a few posts down the page. Crazy how we can think that putting someone else down can really enhance our status.
>
> Well, I am still sorely tempted to tease you about your motto and name of the message board, so I hope you can take a joke, sincerely in the spirit of I just hope you thinks it’s clever and don’t take offense. I am very glad that you are straight, and hope you remain so. Fighting ignorance begins at home, and it does take a long time, usually a lifetime. It’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect, right? I’m humble, and very proud of it. Now I really feel like a dope.
>
> Blessings,
>
> Ralph
Kind of a halfhearted apology, if you were to ask me (which you didn’t, granted). And IMO, anyway, it’s made all the less genuine by posting it as an open letter for all to witness (and be humbled by?) your magnanimity and your good nature, instead of addressing those whom you specifically insulted privately.
But, again, that’s just one man’s opinion.
---
### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/12 "2010-07-14T15:29:17Z")
If making fun of usernames is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
_–Venal Turdlip_
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/13 "2010-07-17T15:24:11Z")
> [@MTCicero](#):
>
> Kind of a halfhearted apology, if you were to ask me (which you didn’t, granted). And IMO, anyway, it’s made all the less genuine by posting it as an open letter for all to witness (and be humbled by?) your magnanimity and your good nature, instead of addressing those whom you specifically insulted privately.
>
> But, again, that’s just one man’s opinion.
And my opinion is that it is far more rude to talk badly about someone’s apology. You have the right to not accept it, but not to come in and try to imply it is insincere.
And, honestly, a public apology means more, not less. Granted, I’ll also do a private one, but whatever I did wrong is viewable by everyone on the board, and thus each of them deserves an apology, too.
Choosing a new name is weird, but an understandable faux pas.
---
### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apologies-necessary/546392/14 "2010-07-17T15:59:23Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#):
>
> If making fun of usernames is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Well, I already said:
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#):
>
> A difference between good-natured kidding, joking, being amusing on the one hand, and ill-tempered, snide, insulting, being derogatory or just plain nasty. We’re all in favor of a good laugh, even at our expense, but we draw the line when it’s just plain insulting (however funny.)
So, the question of making fun of usernames: it depends.
Frankly, way back in the distant past, we had a problem with people misciting usernames in order to back up their debate point, or just to be nasty. Using myself: “C K Dumb-as-Shit Haven,” say, is NOT good natured fun.