# Apparently I have syphilis. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432 "2001-11-20T17:27:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/1 "2001-11-20T17:27:43Z")
What [Horrible Affliction](http://shite.squirming.net/afflictiontest/) do you have? The Horrible Affliction Test Congratulations, you’re syphilis! Transmitted by direct contact with one of your infections (usually through unprotected sex), you’re one nasty STD! In your initial stages, you cause sores, usually on the genitals or in the rectum, but that’s only the delicious beginning. Later on, you’ll cause a rash, and then slip away … but you won’t be gone. No no, my friend. You’re far too cunning. You’ll still pass yourself on to anyone the poor soul you’ve infected has sex with (anal, vaginal or oral), and you’ll start to erode their muscles and nerves! In fact, you’ll eventually lead, if left untreated, to malcoordination, blindness, paralysis, dementia and then death! And that’s not all - if you infect a pregnant women, you’ll also be passed to their child! A single shot of penicillin will kill you, but shhhhh … I won’t tell anyone if you won’t. ---
**Author:** ![moe.ron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@moe.ron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moe.ron)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/2 "2001-11-20T17:34:57Z")
Congratulations, you’re rabies! Transmitted by rabid animals, you’re most commonly found infecting creatures such as raccoons, skunks, bats and foxes. But don’t worry, you affect humans too, causing either paralysis or hyperactivity in your advanced stages, and ultimately death. Your most famous symptom is hypersalviation - that delightful foaming at the mouth that we have come to know and indeed love. However, you can also cause hallucination; think of the fun you could have at parties! Are these anything like donuts? ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/3 "2001-11-20T17:35:19Z")
Rickets? But I don’t wanna be rickets… ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/4 "2001-11-20T17:37:38Z")
The Horrible Affliction Test Congratulations, you’re the bubonic plague! You’re infamous. You’re usually deadly when left untreated. You’re spread by a flea. That’s how cool you are. If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you wiped out much of the human population of the Earth hundreds of years ago with the following fine graphic: Yes! I ROCK! I was shooting for ebola, but I got the mortality rate AND the infamy! ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/5 "2001-11-20T17:40:11Z")
Congratulations, you’re gonorrhea! Yeah, that’s right. You’re a sexually transmitted disease. And it gets worse: you’re curable. But fret not, my fine infectious friend; you have a fine array of symptoms associated with you that would make even rabies flinch. Women suffer bleeding during vaginal intercourse, a burning sensation when they pee, and a delightful womanly discharge that comes in yellow muck or blood flavours. Men get to have a whole lot of pus coming from their penis. What’s more, you can be passed to babies as they’re being born, and cause them to go blind! That’s how cool you are! **Why do I feel like I’m living a Seinfeld episode?** ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/6 "2001-11-20T17:42:29Z")
Bow before **ebola**! Hissssssss! ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/7 "2001-11-20T17:42:42Z")
Hey there **Duck** , I’m gonorrhea too!!! Always nice to meet a fellow penile-pus inducer. So, how’re the kiddies? Still bumping into the new coffee table? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/8 "2001-11-20T17:56:14Z")
Huh. If I think Adam Sandler is funny, I’m rabies. If I think he’s not funny, I’m syphilis. At last, the mystery of Adam Sandler’s fame is solved. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/9 "2001-11-20T18:13:53Z")
**belladonna** , **Why A Duck** , we need to get together, apparently. **beagledave** , dare I ask what you were looking for when you encountered this bizarre little piece of the Internet? ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/10 "2001-11-20T18:19:47Z")
Cool, we’re gonna have a gonorrhea party! Wait, that’s doesn’t sound as cool as it should. BTW, **belladonna** : “So, how’re the kiddies? Still bumping into the new coffee table?” Sick, very sick. I like that. ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/11 "2001-11-20T18:20:08Z")
What? Rabies? What a bitter disappointment. 😉 Kim: I’m beginning to see a pattern here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/12 "2001-11-20T18:30:34Z")
Yay! I’m the bubonic plague! ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/13 "2001-11-20T18:34:02Z")
I too am syphilis. Woohoo! ---
**Author:** ![CBEscapee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@CBEscapee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBEscapee)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/14 "2001-11-20T18:35:42Z")
Rickets! That ain’t so bad. Could have been kooties! Nothing worse than kooties! ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/15 "2001-11-20T18:42:21Z")
Crap, I’m gonorrhea. I don’t wanna be gonorrhea. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/16 "2001-11-20T18:45:23Z")
I’ve got the rickets too! > [@](#): > > \*\*Congratulations, you’re rickets! > > Caused by insufficient phosphorous, vitamin D and/or sunlight, you cause those unlucky enough to suffer you to have swelling in the joints, and bending of the longer bones (such as those found in the legs) in growing children. > > You’re not very prevalent in affluent societies any more - but don’t worry, there’s always the third world!\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/17 "2001-11-20T18:57:55Z")
I am boring old rabies. Come on! I want to cause pus and discoloration and violent diarrhea in humans! Not attack the cute animals of the forest! ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/18 "2001-11-20T19:11:59Z")
I hate being rickets. How intimidating is anything that lacks a “c” even to manage to be a singing insect? Third world damage my ass! I want to have a presence in the developed countries–anyone care to trade? ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/19 "2001-11-20T19:21:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Globe-trotter \* > \*\*Kim: I’m beginning to see a pattern here. 😃 \*\* Wait a minute, hold on here! I think I need to hire someone to provide better PR!!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432/20 "2001-11-20T19:24:38Z")
Gonorrhea. -Pus-ette [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-i-have-syphilis/94432.md?page=2)