# Apparently I'm not a "real" man, so what? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2016, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405 "2016-04-29T08:20:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/41 "2016-04-29T19:44:38Z")
> [@coffeecat](#): > > In my experience, you can always grab a violent woman’s wrists, like **Grrr!** did, and so defend yourself without hitting back. But what do I know? I hate sports and I cook. Can a real man shoot them? We are kind of assuming that the woman who would hit the ‘real man’ is smaller and weaker. I am big guy and pretty strong, but there are some MMA women who could literally beat me to death, even if I was hitting back. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/42 "2016-04-29T19:56:49Z")
I remember when the Chris Brown / Rhianna thing happened and everyone was painting Rhianna as this innocent victim. From what I read both of them were violently attacking eachother and both of them were known to act out violently. It doesn’t excuse what Chris Brown did but it does make both of them despicable people in my mind. Woman should not be violent towards men and men should not be violent towards women. While I believe the public shunning of Chris Brown was fully deserved in the aftermath I always felt Rhianna got off too easy. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/43 "2016-04-29T20:25:40Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > She’d been giving me the fat-mouth all evening … Sorry but what does that mean? I’ve never heard that expression before. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/44 "2016-04-29T21:42:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Seems like a fine line, to me. Striking back is self defense. only if they are continuing to attack you. If they hit you once and then back off or stop, you have no justification for hitting them. Many of the comments above seem to indicate that if someone hits you, even if they stop, then it’s still ok to hit them. It’s not. > [@](#): > > If he’d been female, I’d have told him to leave, but them having a baby sure complicates things. why is it any different? If your date/spouse hits you even once, you pack up and leave, you don’t even think about it. If there’s a baby, you take it with you instead of leaving it with a violent person. Women do this all the time. I don’t see how it’s different when the man is the one being abused. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/45 "2016-04-29T21:44:39Z")
You want to be the person who initiates violence, then you’d best be ready to own what that buys you. Doesn’t matter whether you are an innie or an outie. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/46 "2016-04-29T21:49:09Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > only if they are continuing to attack you. If they hit you once and then back off or stop, you have no justification for hitting them. Many of the comments above seem to indicate that if someone hits you, even if they stop, then it’s still ok to hit them. It’s not. It’s not quite that simple in reality. You don’t know that someone who backs off has stopped unless they run away altogether. You don’t know that someone who is down is not going to get up. But there is still your choice to run away, which is what you should if you can, even before the fight starts. So I’d say it’s not really about justifying any more violence as it is about your alternatives, you need to be safe and/or protect others and you should be doing that any way possible with violence as the last resort. That will eliminate all but rare cases where you even have to consider one more blow, or even fighting to an end when you can put an end to it otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/47 "2016-04-29T22:17:32Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > [QUOTE=Chefguy] > She’d been giving me the fat-mouth all evening Sorry but what does that mean? I’ve never heard that expression before. [/QUOTE] Presumably as in “Shut your”. I kinda like it, actually. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/48 "2016-04-29T22:29:34Z")
> [@GlowingDarkness](#): > > I was having a conversation with one of my female coworkers about a few things and it came to her saying that someone is not a “real” man if they hit a woman in any circumstance even in self defense. > > I chuckled at this. I told her that I would defend myself if a woman constantly hit me not only to protect myself but to teach her that actions have consequences. I mean why should an adult who assaults a person be excused for their actions because they might be weaker than me? > > She replied defensively saying that only “cowards” get revenge and being “the bigger man” is honorable. > > I politely ended the conversation. But it left me with a question. > > Why does society consider not being a “real” man so bad? Why not a “real” woman. I never hear women being questioned about her identity or how society perceives her just because of an action. And anyway even if I was a coward for hitting a woman in defense how would that make any difference to how I live? I would still have a good job, have a few loyal friends, be in good health, have personal freedoms etc. So what exactly is the point of these seemingly pointless labels? Are they just meant to strike fear into people? That’s why you just put a plastic bag over her head, no bruises ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/49 "2016-04-29T22:32:04Z")
> [@GlowingDarkness](#): > > … > > …She replied defensively saying that only “cowards” get revenge and being “the bigger man” is honorable… This is the assumption she is making, yes if you hit in revenge or because you are stronger the motive is not good. What she fails to consider is hitting for other reasons, such as to stop a attack. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/50 "2016-04-29T22:49:13Z")
My ex wife was a violent alcoholic, she was always hitting me over the head with bottles, dishes, whatever she happened to pick up. One time she tried to jump on my face while I was sleeping with high heel shoes. I chased her down and paddled her ass purple and promised her no deed would ever go unanswered again. She called the cops on me and because it was only her ass they let me slide. Today I would have gone to jail. She never hit me again. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/51 "2016-04-29T23:00:30Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > I generally don’t advocate violence against anybody, but a guy responding in kind to a woman’s physical assault should not be considered a crime. (Unless he really overdoes it with his response.) Or captures it in comic form. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2016, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/52 "2016-04-30T02:05:19Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > Sorry but what does that mean? I’ve never heard that expression before. Giving me a ration of shit, trying to provoke a response. No idea why, but I ignored it for the most part. I probably wouldn’t even have reacted to a missed kick except that when I blocked it with my hand, it hurt like a bitch, and I have a very short fuse. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2016, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/53 "2016-04-30T03:52:00Z")
I suspect this was all a big misunderstanding. **GlowingDarkness** ’s coworker probably said he wasn’t a “real man” because of his interest in [having his genitals removed](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=787244). ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2016, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405/54 "2016-04-30T07:14:35Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Well, this is an oddly well-timed thread. I had a young male person come to me this morning and tell me that his girlfriend was hitting him. I told him that was unacceptable (duh) and gave him a hotline number to call. I also offered to babysit for them anytime they needed to work things out between themselves. > > If he’d been female, I’d have told him to leave, but them having a baby sure complicates things. An abused woman with a baby doesn’t have a complicated situation? The way to deal with an abusive relationship is to end it. But that’s something easier said than done–no matter which gender is being abused. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apparently-im-not-a-real-man-so-what/753405.md?page=2)