# Apply for a job on a tv show! (Or movie, or novel, or comic book) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 10, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370 "2009-06-10T18:55:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/1 "2009-06-10T18:55:49Z")
I mean in the fictional universe the story takes place in, of course, not with the real-world studio. For those who demand a setup: Unemployment’s at 9.4% and will probably go up further. Clearly we’re going to have to take some drastic measures. Fortunately I have absurd resources at hand, of which three are relevant: [ul] [li]The super-quick-learning tech the Legion of Super-Heroes had back in the Silver Age;[/li][li]Wolfram & Hart’s document & credentials-forging division;[/li][li]and, of course, my Burroughs-Libby continua device, which allows travel to “fictional” universes.[/li][/ul] Between those two you can acquire the knowledge for any career you desire, along with fake records & resumes that’ll fool anybody and, of course, transport to an alternate Earth with a better economy than this one. Bear in mind that the quick-learning gizmo supplies knowledge but not personality changes; if you faint at the sight of blood now, you’ll faint at the sight of blood afterwards, and thus County General ER is probably not for you. I’ll be making all three of these available to Dopers who wish for the next 72 hours. You canstay in whatever universe you choose for a year, with the exception of people who choose to go to Gotham City; they’re clearly insane, andw while I’ll help you GET there, there’s no way I’m bringing you back. 😃 Where shall I send you? Want to fellowship under Greg House? Investigate crimes involving the US Navy with Jethro Gibbs? Write copy for Perry White? It’s up to you. Anyone? Bueller? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/2 "2009-06-10T19:00:43Z")
Holosuite program tester. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/3 "2009-06-10T19:03:11Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Holosuite program tester. That’s going to be a lot more tedious than you think, I expect. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/4 "2009-06-10T19:04:57Z")
I’ll take a bouncer/bartender gig at Lady Sally’s “Art Studio”. Failing that, sign me up for a fighter pilot gig somewhere. Preferably Air Force, but if flying off Pappy Boyington’s wing in _Baa Baa Blacksheep_ is all you got, I’ll take it. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/5 "2009-06-10T19:12:51Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That’s going to be a lot more tedious than you think, I expect. Why is that? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/6 "2009-06-10T19:15:39Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Why is that? Because this is **Skald** ’s thread, and sometimes he goes a little “Evil Genie” with these things. _POOF! You’re a holosuite tester. Now debug the 25 Billion lines of code in this program. What’s that? You thought you got to frolic with holographic naked elf chicks? Too bad. MUHAHAHA._ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/7 "2009-06-10T19:31:16Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Because this is **Skald** ’s thread, and sometimes he goes a little “Evil Genie” with these things. > > _POOF! You’re a holosuite tester. Now debug the 25 Billion lines of code in this program. What’s that? You thought you got to frolic with holographic naked elf chicks? Too bad. MUHAHAHA._ Well, that too. But I’d not bother in this case, because I think ANYTHING gets old with repetition. You could be testing the sexual responsiveness of the Shelly Radley holosexgram, and you’d be wanting a vacation after a month of it. Oak, I can get you the CAG gig on the Battlestar Galactica. The problem with that is that it involves serving on the freaking Battlestar Galactica. That can’t end well. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/8 "2009-06-10T19:33:37Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Because this is **Skald** ’s thread, and sometimes he goes a little “Evil Genie” with these things. > > _POOF! You’re a holosuite tester. Now debug the 25 Billion lines of code in this program. What’s that? You thought you got to frolic with holographic naked elf chicks? Too bad. MUHAHAHA._ Even worse, think of the testing. Okay, honey, let’s see what you have. OW, right in the … Damn, typo in that variable definition. For me, starship officer. And I look terrible in red shirts. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/9 "2009-06-10T19:35:10Z")
Internship with O2S2K from **Middleman**. Cool weapons and a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/10 "2009-06-10T19:35:18Z")
I’ll be a pro Quiddich player. Preferably a Chaser, but a Keeper would be OK too. It looks like a hell of a lot of fun, and I’ll bet those guys get tons of hot witch groupies. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/11 "2009-06-10T19:38:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Oak, I can get you the CAG gig on the Battlestar Galactica. The problem with that is that it involves serving on the freaking Battlestar Galactica. That can’t end well. Sold. You said you’re coming back to get me in a year. That should be enough time to shag Starbuck…assuming you send me to the most recent version of the series, and maybe score with a 6, 3, or 8 as well. And no hu-hu if I don’t make it. I’ll go out with guns blazing, all glorious like. If I’m wrong about the whole atheist thing, maybe I’ll make Valhalla. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/12 "2009-06-10T19:42:37Z")
Levy Pants! (Just until I get my retirement ham) ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/13 "2009-06-10T19:48:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Well, that too. But I’d not bother in this case, because I think ANYTHING gets old with repetition. You could be testing the sexual responsiveness of the Shelly Radley holosexgram, and you’d be wanting a vacation after a month of it. That’s why I picked a holosuite. Bashir played secret agent, Nog lived with Vic in 1960s Vegas, and Sisko played baseball with the London Kings. There’s more to holosuites than sex, you roué. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/14 "2009-06-10T19:49:09Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Sold. You said you’re coming back to get me in a year. That should be enough time to shag Starbuck…assuming you send me to the most recent version of the series, and maybe score with a 6, 3, or 8 as well. And no hu-hu if I don’t make it. I’ll go out with guns blazing, all glorious like. If I’m wrong about the whole atheist thing, maybe I’ll make Valhalla. Well, we’re buddies, so I’ll send you to the first season, just after the exodus begins; I kind of think I have to, as it’ll be hard for you to sneak in unnoticed at any other time. But I am mystified by your desire to make the two-backed beast with Starbuck rather than Boomer. As for the atheist thing, you’re right in THIS universe, but not THAT universe. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/15 "2009-06-10T19:50:54Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > That’s why I picked a holosuite. Bashir played secret agent, Nog lived with Vic in 1960s Vegas, and Sisko played baseball with the London Kings. There’s more to holosuites than sex, you roué. 😛 Fool of a Tellarite! 'm not a roué. I’m a sexist egotistical lying hypocritcal bigot. It’s in the FAQ, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/16 "2009-06-10T19:51:45Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > Levy Pants! (Just until I get my retirement ham) There is no ham. Just Mrs. Levy, helping you make you the best you can be. ---
**Author:** ![Yodalicious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yodalicious/32/8195_2.png) [@Yodalicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yodalicious)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/17 "2009-06-10T20:00:05Z")
Jedi Knight ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/18 "2009-06-10T20:12:53Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Well, we’re buddies, so I’ll send you to the first season, just after the exodus begins; I kind of think I have to, as it’ll be hard for you to sneak in unnoticed at any other time. But I am mystified by your desire to make the two-backed beast with Starbuck rather than Boomer. > > . Because to make it with Boomer, I’d prolly have to fight Chief Tyrol…and he’s the guy fixing my Viper. Really don’t want to piss him off. If I hit on Athena, I’d have to fight Helo. But everybody and their brother boinked Starbuck, so I could avoid those complications. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/19 "2009-06-10T20:17:25Z")
> [@Daddypants](#): > > Jedi Knight You realize none of the gizmos from the grants any special powers, right? You’ll be a brilliant Jedi with a midichlorian count of 0, and probably cut your arm with with your own light sabre. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370/20 "2009-06-10T20:48:51Z")
Just augment my knowledge of farming and teach me how to keep rejuvenation equipment in good repair and I’m off to Tertius. Let’s say 10 years after settlement. That gives me full exposure to all of the benefits of the place, but _after_ Lazarus has buggered off and gotten his ass shot off. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me. But I know Tamara. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apply-for-a-job-on-a-tv-show-or-movie-or-novel-or-comic-book/499370.md?page=2)