# Appropriate Pronoun for a Drag Queen **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 19, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965 "2012-08-19T15:08:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/21 "2012-08-21T16:31:00Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Is this the thing where guys are traditionally taught to shake a woman’s hand more gently than a man’s so her rings won’t hurt her fingers? Seems like this could be a thread of it’s own, so rather than hijack, [I started one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=662797). > [@](#): > > AFAICT, there’s nothing contrary to etiquette in discreetly asking a third party what gender the person in question identifies as, or even asking the person themselves if a situation comes up where you really can’t avoid a gendered reference. Yeah, I wish there were a third party. It is a situation where the person comes alone, and I could see other people avoiding conversation because they didn’t know either. I just dove in and figured I’d work it out as we spoke, but that didn’t happen. You can dress it up in polite language, but asking ultimately boils down to “soooo…I’ve been wondering, do you have a penis?” You are right though, you probably don’t hit such a gender neutral target in terms of dress, grooming, and overall appearance without aiming for it. They really should be expecting the question to come up. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/22 "2012-08-21T16:43:08Z")
He. He’s a guy, no matter how he dresses. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/23 "2012-08-21T16:45:47Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > He. > > He’s a guy, no matter how he dresses. Dame Edna is a she. Barry Humphries is a he. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/24 "2012-08-21T16:53:45Z")
Never mind. Sorry about that. Wrong forum… ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/25 "2012-08-21T18:12:04Z")
It’s a _character_. React accordingly. If I get into a drunken altercation with Yogi Bear at a theme park, I’m going to refer to him as “he,” even if there’s a woman inside. Of course, if it’s Big Bird that starts picking on me, it’s a more difficult question. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/26 "2012-08-21T18:19:30Z")
Are people having trouble differentiating between a Drag Queen and a transvestite/ transexual? This topic was clearly intended to be about Drag Queens, a fairly standard character type in stage shows. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/27 "2012-08-21T18:23:17Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > He. > > He’s a guy, no matter how he dresses. So when my all-male high school put on Romeo & Juliet and they decided to go for authenticity rather than find girls to play the female characters, you’d have referred to Juliet as “he” just because someone with a dick is portraying her? Totally logical… ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/28 "2012-08-21T18:51:02Z")
Yeah, that’s weird. I’ve played “pants parts” in community theater Shakespeare productions, false beards and all, and I sure as hell wouldn’t appreciate the audience calling the character I’m playing “she”. If I’m going to stick a beard on my chin and strap up my chest and otherwise work my butt off to present my character as male, I want him to be regarded as male in the context of the play. And it makes sense to me that drag queens feel the same about having their slinky sequined dolled-up alter egos regarded as female. ---
**Author:** ![kyogi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/51bf81/32.png) [@kyogi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kyogi)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/29 "2012-08-21T19:06:23Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Yeah, that’s weird. I’ve played “pants parts” in community theater Shakespeare productions, false beards and all, and I sure as hell wouldn’t appreciate the audience calling the character I’m playing “she”. > > If I’m going to stick a beard on my chin and strap up my chest and otherwise work my butt off to present my character as male, I want him to be regarded as male in the context of the play. And it makes sense to me that drag queens feel the same about having their slinky sequined dolled-up alter egos regarded as female. Yeah, but if you wore it offstage and, say, into a local bar… ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/30 "2012-08-21T19:08:38Z")
Don’t mean to derail the thread (again); but how did we get this far without someone suggesting “it”? OK, I guess I am trying to derail the thread! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/31 "2012-08-21T19:19:51Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > Don’t mean to derail the thread (again); but how did we get this far without someone suggesting “it”? > > OK, I guess I am trying to derail the thread! 😃 Because “it” is pejorative and not polite or proper at all, whether you’re referring to a performing drag queen or a genuine transgender person. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/32 "2012-08-21T19:29:56Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Because “it” is pejorative and not polite or proper at all, whether you’re referring to a performing drag queen or a genuine transgender person. I forgot that this board was filled with polite proper people. :dubious: Sorry! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/33 "2012-08-21T19:45:49Z")
> [@kyogi](#): > > Yeah, but if you wore it offstage and, say, into a local bar… Then you still call someone by the name or pronoun that they wish to be called. It’s simple courtesy. Seriously - why intentionally aggravate someone over something that matters not a whit to you, but clearly does to them? What could you possibly gain by being a jackass to them? ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/34 "2012-08-21T19:46:47Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I forgot that this board was filled with polite proper people. :dubious: Sorry! 🙂 We keep the other kind in the BBQ Pit. Door at the end of the hall, on your left. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/35 "2012-08-21T19:55:35Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I forgot that this board was filled with polite proper people. :dubious: Sorry! 🙂 Really? You can thing of any occasion when calling a person “it” isn’t an insult? “The graduate will walk down the aisle, enter the stage from the left, and then after it accepts its diploma, it will shake hands with the principal.” Nope, even in a truly gender neutral, non-insulting use, “it” isn’t going to fly. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/36 "2012-08-21T20:10:07Z")
> [@kyogi](#): > > Yeah, but if you wore it offstage and, say, into a local bar… Well, I think the sword and jerkin would still tip people off that I’m playing a character, so that wouldn’t be me presenting **myself** as a man. I really don’t think this issue is all that complicated. If you know that somebody self-identifies and socially presents as a particular gender, then as **Munch** says, you use the gender referents that they prefer. If you’re not quite sure which they prefer, it’s okay to politely ask. Why should your personal opinion about what gender they **ought** to identify as enter into the matter at all? It’s their choice, not yours. Polite people would no more argue with somebody’s gender identification than they would criticize their chosen name or nickname as inappropriate. And what a lovely conversation-starter **that** would be, wouldn’t it! _“But Angus is a Scottish name and you look totally Hispanic! You should call yourself Manuel or something.”_ _“Max is a pretty silly nickname for a little guy like you, and I don’t see why I should play into your delusion. I’m just going to call you Michael.”_ _“No, you’ve got it wrong. If your husband’s name is Higgins then you must be Mrs. Higgins. If you like to pretend you’re still a single girl then fine by me, but I ain’t playin’.”_ Char-_ming_. But no worse than telling somebody that they’re using the “wrong” gender. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/37 "2012-08-21T20:18:06Z")
> [@PatriotGrrrl](#): > > “No, kid, don’t call that man Santa. He’s just an ordinary person pretending to be Santa.” “Plus, it’s August and he has puke in his beard.” ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2012, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/38 "2012-08-21T20:22:16Z")
I’ve read that famous drag performer RuPaul doesn’t mind whether he’s referred to as “he” or “she.” That’s just one individual though, so it wouldn’t apply to every drag performer. ---
**Author:** ![gatorslap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gatorslap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gatorslap)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/39 "2012-08-22T07:04:31Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > I’ve read that famous drag performer RuPaul doesn’t mind whether he’s referred to as “he” or “she.” That’s just one individual though, so it wouldn’t apply to every drag performer. RuPaul is a bit of an exception. RuPaul is RuPaul, in drag or not. That’s his real name. And he’s also unusually famous. I generally say “he” for RuPaul, because I’m generally referring to the person, not necessarily his drag persona. Although it’s a bit hard to completely separate the two. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965/40 "2012-08-22T07:32:39Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Are people having trouble differentiating between a Drag Queen and a transvestite/ transexual? This topic was clearly intended to be about Drag Queens, a fairly standard character type in stage shows. Some of the posters clearly are, yes. There are many people who confuse gay, trans, Drag Queen, someone in drag for one day, droopy-handed (sorry, can’t remember the English term), high-voiced… it’s as if they dump it all into a single mental bin labeled “unacceptable” (or less polite things, the label says a lot about the labeler). There are many other theater characters which are usually played by someone of the opposite gender: when it’s a sung part, the “usually” may become an “always” (Prince Orlofski as a deep bass? Uh, no). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-pronoun-for-a-drag-queen/631965.md?page=3)