# Appropriate reply to penis size bragging? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503 "2003-08-29T20:22:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/1 "2003-08-29T20:22:03Z")
If a gentleman is bragging that he has a particularly large wang, would it be appropriate to suggest that (since a longer penis allows for insertion of sperm deeper than the “smaller” competitors) it is safe to surmise that he comes from a long line of rapists and whores? Curiously yours ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/2 "2003-08-29T20:23:27Z")
“Why don’t you whip the little fella out?” ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/3 "2003-08-29T20:50:57Z")
“Oh yeah? Well my dick’s so big that it claims me as a dependent on its income tax return.” Personally, it may be the time of day, but I don’t see a connection between rapists, whores and big dicks. I also don’t think rape is particularly good fodder for comebacks or humor. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/4 "2003-08-29T21:06:51Z")
I think the OP’s suggested retort may be the worst “comeback” I’ve ever heard. “Takes one to know one” would be better than that. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/5 "2003-08-29T21:25:41Z")
When I hear a man bragging about penis size, I generally say “My husband’s is larger.” That usually shuts them up. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/6 "2003-08-29T21:27:34Z")
I usually say, “Funny. Those are the exact words your sister used last night.” It’s even better if you say it to your brother-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![Crivens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Crivens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crivens)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/7 "2003-08-29T21:30:16Z")
**friedo** … thats genius. ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/8 "2003-08-29T21:39:23Z")
or ‘you lie. that’s a big car…’ ---
**Author:** ![Sauroposeidon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Sauroposeidon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauroposeidon)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/9 "2003-08-29T22:05:37Z")
There was just one topic on the board index between this one and **Oh, My Freaking God! (Looong!)**. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/10 "2003-08-29T22:20:24Z")
Reminds me of what I say when someone says they are a vegetarian: "So, no oral sex? Cause you see if they are so big it won’t fit in a mouth. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/11 "2003-08-29T22:46:27Z")
Guy 1:“My dick is really really big.” Guy 2:“Your nose is getting bigger … look, folks, it’s Pinocchio!” Or something like that… ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/12 "2003-08-29T22:50:31Z")
As one who frequently makes use of this one “Damn my dick itches _proceeds to strach ankle_” I can say there is no proper comback that can be pre planned. You really need to just shoopt back with something like “Yeah, I kow how that feels. But mine gets numb casue I have ro wrap it a round my leg a few timess” Or simple “your mother” the comeback of all comebaks ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/13 "2003-08-29T22:59:48Z")
How about: “It’s that big? No wonder it gets all the brains!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/14 "2003-08-29T23:19:34Z")
Howzabout: So why do you drive the really big car then?" ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/15 "2003-08-29T23:22:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > \*\*“It’s that big? No wonder it gets all the brains!” 😛 \*\* “your mother” See . Perfect comeback 😉 ---
**Author:** ![guido150](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@guido150](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guido150)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/16 "2003-08-29T23:41:20Z")
My usual reply is: “Spit it out, it isn’t yours.” ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/17 "2003-08-29T23:43:34Z")
If you’re a guy, and you’re SURE he’s straight, act gay! Ask him for more details, tell him how much you enjoy big penises for (insert gay sex act here). Describe what you will do to him in return… that ought to shut him up! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/18 "2003-08-30T00:01:01Z")
My reaction? “Yeah, whatever.” Followed by me seeking conversation elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![SkyBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/19 "2003-08-30T01:03:54Z")
“Well at least you have _one_ thing you can brag about.” “Gee, with a package like that I’d think you would do better with the ladies.” “Hmmm. I guess their giving them out to just about anyone these days.” “I guess with your I.Q., its nice to have _something_ to be proud of.” “Say, I should introduce you to a friend of mine…his name is Bob” “Ahhhh, this explains why you drive that piece of crap.” ---
**Author:** ![Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olive_The_Other_Reindeer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/20 "2003-08-30T01:33:34Z")
Having received several emails with a picture with said ‘large member’ attached, my response is usually either: “Gee - that looks just like a penis, only much smaller” or “The last time I saw something that size, it had an eraser on the end” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503.md?page=2)