# Appropriate reply to penis size bragging? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503 "2003-08-29T20:22:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/21 "2003-08-30T01:39:42Z")
I’d say, “Whip it out…” They shut up fast, usually… usually. ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/22 "2003-08-30T03:10:41Z")
While I am an old guy, raised in a time of reticence about things like the size of a guy’s Johnson, I have spent a fair amount of time in scholastic and collegiate varsity locker rooms, barracks, dormitories, fraternity houses, bars and taverns of every kind, character and descriptions, I have never, never heard anyone comment favorably on the size, potency, power or might of his own personal, private organ. Where have you people been hanging out? What sort of people bring this sort of stuff up (please pardon the phrasing) in general conversation? ---
**Author:** ![SkyBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/23 "2003-08-30T03:15:52Z")
I imagine “younger generation” might be key words here… ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/24 "2003-08-30T04:24:39Z")
I thought it was written somewhere, possibly engraved in stone, “As proof of being a man, thou shalt boast of: thy member’s size, thy potency, thy virility, thy studliness, thy sexual prowess in all forms…”. I figured it must be since it’s brought up everywhere imaginable! Since when did the size of your manroot equal your male-ness? I once thought (silly me) that it had more to do with your behaviors and responsibilities than physical endowments. “Be a man, grow a dick.” ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/25 "2003-08-30T07:14:59Z")
A Lettermanesque “Your mother must be so proud?” ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/26 "2003-08-30T08:29:35Z")
Depending on the particular boast, “Don’t believe everything your mother tells you” could work. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/27 "2003-08-30T12:17:13Z")
“How nice for you.” If you get the tone right, you’ll scar them for life. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/28 "2003-08-30T13:13:21Z")
-I have a large penis. -I have a small vagina. That usually works for one of my attractive pettite friends. Sorry, no pictures ;). ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/29 "2003-08-30T13:16:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauroposeidon \* > \*\*There was just one topic on the board index between this one and **Oh, My Freaking God! (Looong!)**. \*\* 😃 Never read it that way, till now. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/30 "2003-08-30T13:19:11Z")
Background: A guy I worked with slipped on the ice and broke an arm. Some time later, he commented on his size. I said “That really helped you when you broke your arm.” This works with any negative thing: That really helped you with screwing up the Smith deal. That really helped you with your daughter’s arrest. That really helped you during the blackout. ---
**Author:** ![Nekosoft](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c2a13f/32.png) [@Nekosoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nekosoft)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/31 "2003-08-30T14:01:47Z")
Once on a class trip many years ago someone was bragging about their equipment. I remarked with the old standard: “It’s not the size of your pen, but how you sign your name.” My teacher overheard and he interjected: “Nekosoft, I’ve seen your handwriting and it’s nothing to brag about either.” ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/32 "2003-08-30T14:03:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ace309 \* > [BPersonally, it may be the time of day, but I don’t see a connection between rapists, whores and big dicks. \*\* Must be the time of day. That’s why the parenthetical remark was included–it had to do with some documentary I saw about about evolution & sex, or something to that effect. As for being amusing, that’s hardly the point. The only time I’ve laughed while hearing a yo-mamma joke was when I was thinking about something else. The point is to draw attention to a non-obvious aspect of something in a manner striking enough to shock a person into a little thought. (Kind of like the defense attorney’s use of swearing in _Inherit the Wind_.) That’s why the Small Vagina remark is so wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/33 "2003-08-30T14:09:05Z")
You don’t have to say anything… all you have to do is point and laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muldoon_s_Squishiness)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/34 "2003-08-30T16:33:26Z")
Shout VERY loudly, "_Hey everybody, this guy say’s he has an enormous cock!! He won’t shut up about how emensely huge his dick is!! Everyone gather round while he whips it out for us!!"_ That should hopefully cause him ample embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/35 "2003-08-30T17:45:03Z")
If he’s straight, you can mutter (loud enough for him to hear) to yourself “Why are gay guys always hitting on me?” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Gui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@El\_Gui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Gui)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/36 "2003-08-30T19:21:35Z")
Similar to **Wonko’s** & asked as if responding to a silly and cute, but wholly unbelievable lie from a little child: “Do you drive a Hummer, too?” ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/37 "2003-08-30T20:51:36Z")
If this is a contest, I vote for the irishgirl’s come-back. But FCMom has the best response, just walk away. How often does this happen to you? I can’t think of the last time some guy started a coversation about his penis size with me. Is this a standard come on these day? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/38 "2003-08-30T21:18:56Z")
See my above response (written in stone)… ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/39 "2003-08-30T21:27:24Z")
I had a friend working inbound telemarketing back in the 80s. She said nutcases were always calling late at nice and talking smack. So one night she’d had enough, looked around to make sure a supervisor wasn’t close, because they weren’t suppose to answer back, and said “Well if its THAT big why are you on the phone calling me at 2 am instead of putting it to good use?” He called her a bitch and slammed the phone down. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503/40 "2003-08-30T22:49:39Z")
What about the guys that talk about how small it is, or how crooked it is (not kidding here). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/appropriate-reply-to-penis-size-bragging/198503.md?page=3)