# April Foolish Mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 1, 2017, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514 "2017-04-01T17:43:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2017, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/21 "2017-04-04T21:38:34Z")
> [@Zyanthia](#): > > I hate Cortana ☹ I use xbox smartglass, but every time I try to use Cortana to start it, it starts Netflix instead, even though the text box it fills is in XBOX. It makes no sense! Cortana has an accent bias built in. It recognizes California accents immediately (even stereotypical ones like Valley Girl and Chicano) but it took two hours to get it to understand a southern Appalachian accent. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2017, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/22 "2017-04-04T21:44:35Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > Cortana has an accent bias built in. It recognizes California accents immediately (even stereotypical ones like Valley Girl and Chicano) but it took two hours to get it to understand a southern Appalachian accent. I’m proud to have a bit of a “redneck accent”. Does that mean Microsoft assumes _ah’m jes’ tooo stooo-pyid to have a pay-say?_ ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/23 "2017-04-04T22:05:07Z")
**STOP WITH YOUR GODDAMNED UPDATES** It’s never better. It’s rarely ‘as good’. It usually sucks ass. Windows and iTunes, I’m looking at you. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2017, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/24 "2017-04-05T15:08:01Z")
Some assholes pretending that “Brandon” requested information about health insurance have been calling my cell about ten times a day for the last week. They’ve even sent texts and left voice mail. I have asked them to stop, I have blocked all the numbers they are using to call me, and I’ve reported them to the FTC. Still, it pisses me off that every time I pick up my cell, there’s another long list of failed attempts. Leave me the fuck alone! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2017, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/25 "2017-04-05T15:26:28Z")
If you want me to process & publish your documents, you should maybe make sure the project number fucking _EXISTS_ before demanding special high-speed service. Fuckstick. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2017, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/26 "2017-04-05T15:45:11Z")
I pit myself. I thought I might be getting another bladder infection, but then I decided I wasn’t because I didn’t feel bad enough. Now I have a kidney infection. Instead of a simple round of oral antibiotics, I’ve had three days of fever, pain, and vomiting plus a bonus trip to the ER for IV antibiotics, an industrial-strength anti-emetic, and fluids. I hurt all over and I have no one to blame but myself. I’m a fucking moron. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2017, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/27 "2017-04-05T18:03:19Z")
Holy God Almighty, _save_ me from optimistic n00bs! :mad: The folks as want their documents hung on a non-existant hook? They expect to submit an Investigative New Drug application to the FDA two weeks from now - first-time-in-man study protocol isn’t even internally approved yet! I know I’m the end of the submission pipeline, but I AM a step you MUST rely upon - Give me the information and time I need to do my job, or you WILL miss your window. And I will laugh. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2017, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/28 "2017-04-05T23:30:19Z")
I wish Roku had left their interface alone. I pine for the good old days when you could pause a binge and go right back to where you left off the following day. Now it goes back to the home screen and makes you talk to it for 10 minutes just to get back to where you left off. This sucketh. Mightily. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/29 "2017-04-06T06:49:07Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > This is more of a workplace rant, but it’s so slight, I can’t justify putting it in that thread. > > My web browser at work continually scrolls back to the top of certain pages, making it very hard to read / enter information. Like, every 5 - 10 seconds. Try removing whatever is sitting on your up-arrow key. ---
**Author:** ![Kelevra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/97f17d/32.png) [@Kelevra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelevra)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/30 "2017-04-06T14:57:00Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Try removing whatever is sitting on your up-arrow key. Damnit, you made me laugh out loud at work just as someone walked by my office!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wednesday\_Evening](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b2d939/32.png) [@Wednesday\_Evening](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wednesday_Evening)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/31 "2017-04-06T16:36:21Z")
So 4 weeks ago we moved to a rental while our house is under construction. Our indoor/outdoor cat loves the area as it is more rural with a ton of wildlife. So he began staying out overnight occasionally. Which worried me but he would come back in the morning so I convinced myself it was OK. But now he hasn’t come home for two days. ☹ My brain tells me that he is having fun cat adventures somewhere but I wish he would come home because I worry about him. Darn outdoor cats! ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/32 "2017-04-06T22:49:12Z")
Not so mini, but I need to rant. I’m having health problems. Lots of tests and lots of doctor appointments later and I’m told the two most likely possibilities are multiple myeloma or multiple sclerosis. There are other possibilities, but those are the ones to bet on. Today is the big day. Brain MRI to be followed by appointment with specialist. If the MRI shows certain kinds of white spots then its more likely MS. If not it’s more likely multiple myeloma. Myeloma kills much faster so I am hoping for white spots. MRI is done. The technician hands me a disc with the raw images. And I go to the specialist and… Oops, sorry, there is a problem with your insurance. We need to reschedule once that is sorted out. So I go home, pop the disc in the DVD drive on my laptop and… drive is not recognized. AAARGHHHHH! ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/33 "2017-04-07T01:59:51Z")
Well, shit. Got the disc to work. No white spots on the MRI. Here’s hoping for zebras? ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/34 "2017-04-07T02:30:59Z")
> [@Iggy](#): > > Got the disc to work. No white spots on the MRI. I have MS, and I have _never_ been able to see the white spots until they are pointed out to me. Wait and let your doctor interpret it before you freak out. ---
**Author:** ![Kelevra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/97f17d/32.png) [@Kelevra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelevra)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/35 "2017-04-07T13:42:42Z")
Well my rant is very mini compared to yours. We sold our house. Way more quickly than we suspected we would. Now we are desperately searching for a new house in a market where they go in less than 24 hours. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/36 "2017-04-07T18:26:55Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > Well my rant is very mini compared to yours. > > We sold our house. Way more quickly than we suspected we would. Now we are desperately searching for a new house in a market where they go in less than 24 hours. Yeah, be careful what you wish for. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/37 "2017-04-07T19:04:15Z")
Contractor lady: My asking you to do your job (deskside support) does not constitute an invitation to flirt. OK, sure, it’s flattering. It’s also distracting, and _I have a job to do here._ Please stop. Preferably before you get yourself sacked, and we go eight weeks without deskside support (again). Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/38 "2017-04-07T19:15:55Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > I have MS, and I have _never_ been able to see the white spots until they are pointed out to me. Wait and let your doctor interpret it before you freak out. Good advice. My thoughts are with you, **Iggy**. As for me: Crying jag at work today. I’m just so frustrated and overwhelmed. And I _hate_ people who cry at work. As soon as I can get a handle on the tears and hitching breath, I’m going to kick my ass. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2017, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/39 "2017-04-08T02:54:57Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > Well my rant is very mini compared to yours. > > We sold our house. Way more quickly than we suspected we would. Now we are desperately searching for a new house in a market where they go in less than 24 hours. Been there, done that, had to put everything in storage and move in with my aunt and uncle for a couple of months until I found something. It was inconvenient and actually kind of scary. You have my sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2017, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514/40 "2017-04-08T03:00:29Z")
Hey McDonald’s, [Blow Me](http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-mcdonalds-advertising-0409-biz-20170407-story.html). And that goes for your [fucking clown](https://www.google.com/search?q=ronald+mcdonald+blow+job&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjQsfy775PTAhVJ1WMKHccKAZsQ_AUICSgC&biw=1600&bih=721#imgrc=LKLd_GI7Gs-IqM:), too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-foolish-mini-rants/783514.md?page=3)